Social Worker on the edge

Round two with the Frenchies and other updates

2008-07-23T12:07:00.003-05:00

So we are back from our funeral/vacation in the great land of the frenchies and although it was great to see Memere, we were happy to leave.

We got there a day and a half before everyone else so Memere could have some one on one with Baby girl. It was a great idea as they were able to adjust to each other and start a little bonding before the troops stormed in. The first night hubby and I slept together on the air mattress as after a 15 hour car ride I didn't really give a rats ass where I laid down as long as I was horizontal. Half way through the night I realized that a 5.5 month pregnant woman should probably not be sleeping on the floor. I woke up unable to move my pelvis and stiffer than road kill. I took my sisters bed the following night and made her sleep with hubby...interesting I know. Actually sis slept on the mattress where baby girl was sleeping and hubby and baby girl shared the air mattress.

The next day we took memere into town and had lunch with her, just some bonding. That night MIL and FIL arrived so special as they would be also staying in the house with us. The next day hubby's aunt and uncle and their kids+ arrived and the games began. Really I just think that I should not have put myself in the same house as MIL, we have lived together before and I moved out as I could no longer guarantee her safety. plus I am preggers and hormonal and protective of baby girl. I say what, when, where and why because I am the parent. The whole week she under minded mine and hubby's wishes. She spoke poorly and with a razor sharp tongue to almost everyone and was just simply la bitch.

On a brighter side we did really enjoy our time with memere and the rest of the family. We had some good laughs and played cards most of the time.

Before I wrap up I should mention a funny occurrence. We were on our way home and the drive is through the mountains. For two hours it is constant up down, up down and super steep. After a half hour I decided that I could not bear it any longer, grabbed a plastic bag and heavered hard. I had the window down and my face in the bag to keep hubby from getting a whiff. I finished, tied the bag, tossed it out the window and apologized for my extremely weak stomach. At this point I look down and discover that the bag had a fucking hole in it and I was now covered tits to crotch in barf. Sis and hubby are killing themselves and I am getting naked in the car trying not to add to the mess. I finally get myself changed into a new shirt and hubby's track pants as the only other pants were shorts and it was only 10 out. Needless to say I looked pretty.

Other tidbits to update you on....

I am 25 weeks and loving it although I am having constant braxton hicks which my doctor says is fine, but most annoying to me. We had another ultra sound and it is still a girl and my God she is totally cute with her little poutty lips. I asked if this baby seemed small and the tech laughed. Nope she will be big...awesome!

I am currently trying to potty train Baby girl and honestly I think that I am about to lose my mind. Seriously, I actually feel that my head could just split open at any moment and the grey matter just ooze out. Baby girl is so frick'n stubborn. She will hold her pee all day just to not go on the potty. On Sunday she had the biggest meltdown about getting on the potty to try to make pee. So I said fine, but if you need to pee you tell mommy. She headed to the kitchen and proceeded to pee. I said, baby girl see you needed to pee. And as the piss rolled down her legs she looked me in the eyes and proclaimed, " No I don't need to go pee yet". Can you see my head cracking open....it's running down your damn legs. She is fucking standing in a swamp of piss and will not admit that she may have had to pee. I truly believed that getting her started now would save my sanity in the long run, with a new baby and all. however, being 6 months pregnant, tired, sore and potty training screaming meme, is truly the devil's work.

Time is Flying by

2008-06-30T08:20:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe that I have been so bad at keeping up with posting, my apologies and thanks to my frequent readers who keep checking back.

I suppose that life has got a bit busy and I have lost track of the days gone by. We are trying to enjoy the summer and our new deck, despite the frequent and intense thunderstorms that seem to be a daily occurrence. This past weekend we had some family over for a BBQ and enjoyed their company and the summer night. I love to sit out on a summers eve, with a cool glass of 0% Becks beer and just enjoy the night.

We are getting ready to leave for the Port this Friday. Which again is the long trip to northern Quebec. We are making it a holiday, but really it is for hubby's grandfathers funeral service. He died back in January, but there is not much that can be done in the middle of winter so we had to wait until now. Note that he was cremated and not just sitting there on ice, although some poor souls are. I think we are all looking forward to going though, as the entire family is going and we will have a blast during the rest of our vacation there.

I am now 22 weeks pregnant, really I cannot believe it and still having trouble believing that I am actually pregnant let alone over half way there. Although I am still exhausted, the morning sickness has gone from constant all day everyday to more of a random occurrence. I love this part of the pregnancy when you can feel baby and start to develop that bond. For those that do not already know we are having a little girl and although we were shocked at first we are excited for her arrival. I was absolutely hands down for sure, thought that I was having a boy. Not one thing was like being pregnant with DD1. I am much more ill and tired, I am much bigger and carrying different than I did with DD1. However saying that they have similar sleep patterns and DD2 is now just as active as DD1 was. Hubby and I are still debating names. He has even started a facebook group to try to sway me...I will not. Many thanks to all those whom have taken my side, I appreciate it. I am still pulling for Ada and I think that I will just send him for a coffee when the registry comes around.

This is at 19 week....need to update.

I got a new car this weekend, Ford Focus and it seems to be very nice. I don't hold much value in cars so excuse my lack of enthusiasm. It is ice blue with chrome details and tinted windows, kinda pretty for a mom Mobile.

I will post some pics from our vacation and I hope this ties you over until I return.

Another proud moment!

2008-06-09T09:48:00.002-05:00

My dad's birthday was this weekend and we decided that the family would meet for a early dinner to celebrate the event. We choose to meet at Swiss Chalet as it was close to everyone, cheap and willing to serve us at 4pm.

We all ended up meeting in the parking lot. My brother and his family which includes a 2 year old, a 5 year old, and a 7 month pregnant wife. My family which includes a 5 month pregnant mom, a 2 year old, a hubby and a sister. My parents were already in the restaurant and eagerly waiting our arrival.

We walked in together; the kids all holding hands with my sister, SIL and I waddling and the men carrying all the gear. I noticed the faces of those we passed as if to say, "that lot are breading machines, I hope they don't sit here".

We made it to our table and got the kids all sorted and we took our spots. Still several tables of seniors staring in our general direction...clearly over whelmed by our presence. We had four tables pushed together leaving a large gap between our table and the people next to us. That table had a young couple with a baby and another couple trying to eat while their baby is fussing. My hubby leans over and blurts out (he is incredibly loud to being with) stop with the one and then displays the with his hands gliding over our table, what their lives could become if they don't.

We order our drinks and food and the remaining tables around us start filling up. Just before our meal arrives my 5 year old niece proclaims that she needs to pee and everyone on the bench down from her has to stand up to let her out this includes my hubby. He lets my niece and my sister out and they return 5 short minutes later. My hubby stands up again and this time takes a few steps forward and cracks his head off the light hang where a table once sat. My husband grabs his head and at 4:30 in a family restaurant littered with small children and seniors yells out Mother fucker! That's right a giant mofo right there in front of everyone. The restaurant was silent until I tore a piece off of my dear hubby.

me: seriously, what are you thinking?
him: What?
me: mofo babe, really surrounded by young children of our own and others....mofo did you really just say that?
him: I cracked my head sorry, beside it's Milton have you looked around.....Gooood!

In fact I had looked around, especially at the woman sitting at the table behind us with three boys under the age of 7. Three boys whom my hubby had just become a legend to. Her face was that of a church going, good by seriously sheltered woman. I could see that she had never heard that expression used live. I guess it was an educational experience for her whole table.

happy birthday dad...how proud are you!

Things that spook me!

2008-05-15T10:44:00.005-05:00

I think that I am a pretty well rounded and mentally stable individual, yet I have collection of random things that seriously spook me, some even terrify me.

As I was driving into work this morning I noticed a shoe on the shoulder of the left lane. It was a man's dress shoe in good condition and belonging to someone with a eye for fashion. It creeped me out. It then occurred to me that I often see shoes on the highway and I always have the same unnerving reaction. I few exits ahead I noticed a second shoe. A man's black coloured runner turned upside down and discarded under the guardrail. I always think that this must be the only remains of a car accident. I mean why else would a shoe be out on the highway? Then I think that this person must have been quite injured to forget their shoe. I mean if they were just getting out of the car to check the fender, they would not take off a shoe first...hmmmm.
Maybe my EMS girl could comment on this one.

I drove a little further and began to laugh about all the other random things I am spooked by...maybe I am not as stable as I thought.

I am fearful of Banshees. I understand logically that it is a folklore, but the crazy side of me is not taking any chances. Never will I look out the window or go outside when I hear cats fighting, as the wailing of the banshee is thought to be a similar eerie sound. In fact the sound of a cat howling makes my hair stand on end. Never ever ever will you catch me picking up a comb off the street either. A banshee's calling card if you will...I think not!

I have an irrational fear of clowns most likely stemming from an association with a very unfortunate past family member. Clowns are generally creepy and will not be part of any party my kid is at. I am really uncomfortable with the way they have made themselves look happy, but inside one never know the true emotion of the clown.

I fear balloon. Most likely associated with clowns, but none the less they are unstable and unpredictable. Oh lord and that squeaky sound they make...ahhh shivers.

I am spooked when I am woken in the early hours 3am. Things are too quiet and I am not comfortable with any presence that I at times feel. I am especially hate when I wake because someone called my name. YIKES.

I hate dolls. You know the kind that stand there and watch you. The ones that eyes open and close. I hate porcelain dolls, old fashion dolls, really to be safe all dolls. My parents were moving and we were house hunting which lead to us visiting a home my parents loved. They took us over for a showing and we walked about looking at all the wonderful space and features. I went up stairs and headed into the master bedroom; I was not prepared in the least for what waited for me. I entered and immediately crapped my pants; hundreds of dolls. Little ones, big ones, some standing, others sitting, a few even in cradles...all looking at me with that vacant stare. I remembering standing there my eyes darting in every direction I was starting to panic when my mom walk in and started to laugh. I didn't find it funny, nor did I find it funny that they bought the house.

Ps. this also go for ventriloquist dummies...Mr. Marbles!

I will never and encourage others to never purchase or take a mirror from an antique sale, garage sale, attic or roadside. Shivers....Buy new always...I am not going into it with you.

Last but I am sure not the least, I am not okay with the ice cream man that drives through the neighbourhood. His little truck and eerie music gives me goosebumps. I never really had an encounter with the ice cream man growing up, but I don't trust them. I lovingly refer to them as "pedophiles on wheels". I know that it is a bit of a blanket statement and somewhat discriminating, but they creep me out. Why do they all have to look like they were just released from prison on a community work integration program. Driving slowly looking for children out the tiny window, luring them helplessly with the monotonous music and pictures of dancing ice cream cones. Nope not a fan!

So after careful evaluation and reconsideration I am retracting my first comment on this page. I appear to be less normal than I thought. Please feel free to comment about you own fears.

Behind on the photo of the day.

2008-05-11T20:00:00.004-05:00

Way behind on this sorry :O(

Here is day 15...planning ahead.
Proof that Frenchies truly have a different way of life.

Day 14
One of Dancer's chubby pups...

Day 13
A sample of some of my painting. I especially love this one.

Day 12
My Nana and I, one of my best friends and I miss her dearly. She would be proud that Iris shares her name.
Day 11
The yellow boots...

Day 10
Ship wreak at Port Cartier.

Day 9
Our last visit with him...Hubby's Pepere.

Day 8
The birth of my baby girl.

Day 7
I love to see my husband laugh...I fall in love again.

Day 6
Our dog, Dancer.

Day 5
Feet that I love.

Day 4
Just because it's beautiful.

Day 3
Thing 2...The newest love of my life, I cannot wait to mean this one.

Day 2
My favourite Tattoo of Hubby's...baby girls foot print at birth. Thing 2's will go on his left leg.

Day 1
My girl, I love that face.

My Word!

2008-04-30T10:36:00.002-05:00

MP said...
HELLO...first it was "cute kid" and we needed updates...now with being pregnant mama...HELLO...we need updates please!!
9:52 AM

My word you are all so pushy...lol.

Okay...due date at it currently stands is November 3rd 2008, I expect it to change as it has changed twice now. I must admit that I am a little freaked out about having a baby this year. My plan was to return to the fertility clinic in June which would put us at a due date for next spring. however, I am starting to think that God isn't over impressed with my detailed planning and may have heard my secret whimper that , "This would be so much easier if I just got pregnant".

Pictures???? Forgive me but I am dumb when I am preggers. MP what nature of pictures would you like to see here. If you think I am posting a baby bump you're nuts. This plus size beauty is not ready for that type of situation. I will scan my ultrasound pictures for you and maybe take an artistic photo of my bump for you all to enjoy.

I think this one is a boy. I am super hungry all the time and started getting up in the night to eat. I started showing at about 9 weeks and purchased maternity pants at 7 weeks. I am continuing my gag and heave ritual for 20 minutes every morning which is super special especially with baby girl hanging off my leg say, "it okay mama". Which in turn I mumble, "become a lesbian dear".

Thank you all very much for your warm wishes and I will be sure to keep you all posted of my developments. MP and Linda, keep the demands coming. Think of my comment section as you own personal suggestion boxes!

After re-reading my post I realized that MP never asked for pics...man I am seriously dumb this time round, my apologies MP.

On the shit list.

2008-04-24T09:30:00.002-05:00

Here are a few comments from one of my disgruntled fans.

Linda said...
pssst...it's April Hello are you in there? Don't make me send MP after you...after all you do post when she requests it! I'm sorry maybe you are sitting by the fire with hot chocolate in your pj's?
1:01 PM

Linda said...
hellooooo?????!?!?!?!?!?!?
3:06 PM

The comments where on my last post which clearly has been sitting there longer than Linda would like to see. I believe that the comments are a couple weeks apart...serious poking I guess.

In an attempt to free myself from the shit list, I will provide an update since the past post.

I have not been particularly busy, just occupied. I had some health problems that have left me with little to no energy. I woke up on night with wicked chest pains and figured that it was heartburn, but after taking some tums and milk, quickly realized that this was not heartburn. I paced around the house for a few hours before waking up hubby and getting him to take me to the hospital. After 8 hours it was determined that I was having a gallbladder attack as a results of 5 gall stones. I was not overly impressed, but thankful that I have not had an attack since...knock on wood.

The last two weeks I have been battling a respiratory infection which had me off work most of last week.

Baby girl just celebrated her second birthday this weekend past. I can't believe that she is two already, the time really does speed up when you have kids. Anyway, she was pretty excited and now that she is two she will be giving up her crib and moving to a big girl bed. Pray for me that the transition is smooth.

Florida has been haunting me for the last 3 months. Shortly after getting home I started to fall ill with flu like symptoms, it turns out that while in Florida I picked up a new family member along the way...I did not declare that with the border agent.

We were actually could not have been anymore shocked. Hubby ended up going out and buying the new digital pregnancy test because he said he could trust stupid lines. We have always been under the impression that we are unable to get pregnant on our own. We have not used birth control since baby girl was born, why bother. So truly a surprise and a miracle....we are thrilled to say the least.

I did end up having to go back to the fertility clinic as a patient for prenatal supports. Unfortunately once I get preggers, I can't stay preggers. So I was put on Progesterone suppositories again which began to fail. They upped the dose to three and then four a day, which again I got the phone call that my numbers were dropping. The nurse finally called me in and basically told me that the suppositories are for some reason not working. She is recommended that I start taking progesterone shots or I will lose the baby. Not having a choice I took the shot right then and there. The next day Hubby was brought in and trained on how to administer the shots in my arse, as I would need they daily. He was a champ and we were done it 10 minutes. He was so proud and announced to the admin staff that he was the quickest she had ever seen...lol...true on many counts. I truly thank hubby for being able to give me the shots, it is not an easy thing to have to do to someone you love. Thankfully I was able to stop my shots as of yesterday!!!!!!!!!!

So to wrap it up this pregnancy has been kicking my ass hard and I just have not had the stomach to write about much. I am really hoping that now the shots have stopped I will start to feel better. Maybe some more posts.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-02-28T14:23:00.001-06:00

I just read that Aimee is moving onto her PhD and want to say that I am super proud of you!

I am sure this has been a very hard last few years, but it has paid off and everyone knew you could do it. Enjoy your dinner and pop some Champagne this is a huge accomplishment.

I hope you are reading!

ps....I am a blogging freak this week....lol

Getting so big.

2008-02-28T08:01:00.002-06:00

Baby girl started daycare/nursery school back in the middle of January. We decided to put her into something more structured for two days a week to get her exposed to other children and personalities. Baby girl has a big personality and she needs to meet others with the same disposition to keep her in check. We were also looking for her to have more opportunities for growth and play. Up to this point she has been with MIL full time, which has been a helpful, but we never intended for it to be a permanent situation. We are also toying with the thoughts of having another baby and really we needed a place that baby girl is comfortable with that if a baby does appears she will know that "school" is her special baby free place. I place that won't change just because I am on a mat leave. A place where she has great friends and fun times.

So hubby and I went to a meet and greet in December at a new centre that was opening down the street from us. We loved the staff and the vision they had for the children. The facility was being built and everything would be new and up to code. That night she offered a calender of a sample menu for the month. It included but not limited to: Brown rice and teriyaki Chicken with a homemade fruit cup and milk. Tuna on multi grained bread broiled with a little cheese on top, banana spears and fresh juice. Oatmeal, grain bars, homemade oatmeal cookies. The actually have a chef that develops the menus and cooks for the kids. I wish she would prepare my dinner for pick up too.

After our meeting we signed on the line immediately as our city is limited when it comes to childcare places and truly we loved it.

Baby girl did really well the first day, week, month. She met some little friends and is learning to get along with many different personalities. She is learning self control and respect of others and property. She is beginning to understand that although she is very cute, the world does not revolve around her and that she needs to share, take turns and consider the feelings of those around her. She is understanding that her actions have consequences, that she can make others happy, but also hurt others feelings. We think that this is the best place for her and she has grown so much in just the short time she's been there.

This morning was a big milestone. Before our trip to Florida she went into school (we call it school) like a champ, good morning, hi kids, bye mom. However since our return she has cried everyday and throughout the day for mommy and daddy. Very unusual and out of character for her. Today we finally had a drop off that was positive. No tears, no begging, just smiles and right in to see the other kids....champ!

I know that she is safe and will stop crying shortly after I leave, but it is a much nicer feeling to leave her on a happy note. I am guilt ridden all ready that I have to work and not be there for her full time, I soothes my conscious to know that she is not stressed when I leave her.

Reply.

2008-02-27T13:53:00.004-06:00

I wanted to respond to a comment left by our dear MP on my holiday blog.
She had many points and questions that I felt should be answered.

The comment is as follows.

*One of these days I'll have to try your famous coffee..is it THAT good?
I joke about many things, but coffee is not one of them. Tim Hortons as sick as it sounds, rocks my world. You absolutely should try it, but I have most likely ruined the experience by all the hype. Canadians are pretty passionate about hockey and Tim Hortons. We send it to our troops it's affects are that powerful on us...lol

*I would have SO jumped in that SC tub.. I want one of those at my house.
Me too. I don't believe that a home is complete without one...damn hubby.

*Dinner at Shoney's sounds like it SUCKED..sorry about that. Being American I feel responsible. McDonalds would have been better I guess.

Sucked assed, blew goats, would make a nun flip the bird! I agree that McD's would have been better, but I don't not hold you responsible in the least. Overall our American experience was enjoyable. To make up for the horrible dining, your Targets rock.

*8 hours from South Carolina to Orlando? Wow, I had no idea. It's a 2 day drive for us too.

Yep about that. We did 10 hours from our house to South Carolina...spent the night and did 8 hours from South Carolina to Orlando. Mind you we had beautiful driving weather and no traffic.

*Did you stay in the park or just at a near by hotel?

We stayed at the Sheraton Vistana Resort in Hubby's uncle's condo. As free is in our budget!

Did you know they have packages at Disney for something like $1500...and that's for a family of 4? We may do that next year.

Totally worth the money. Our friends that were down the same time as us do it every year with the kids. It includes park fees and dining if you want. They fly out of Buffalo as it is way cheaper that Toronto. The best sales they same are from just after Christmas until the 3rd week of February...then you hit spring breaks.

*33 days til my Aruba trip..when you described getting out of the car I could actually smell the warm air..especially after I look outside at the ice/snow/sleet.

If I close my eyes and breathe real slow I can almost smell it again....ah the warmth of the ground the lush flowers and a kiss of chlorine.

*Iris is so fricking adorable..you know that don't you?
Yes I know. She is pretty great!

Thanks for the comment MP...you're great. Hope you have a blast in Aruba. You will be back just in time for some beautiful weather of our own.

Relaxed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-02-21T08:42:00.022-06:00

It seems what is missing from my job description is as follows:

* Must be able to spend a minimum of 4 hours daily at poolside

* Must be willing to visit the hot tub on several occasions

* Must be creative with your drink orders adding new favourites to your profile daily

* Must be available for poolside massages

* Must laugh endlessly at stupid things

* Must be live the relaxed lifestyle of Florida retirees

The family and I recently returned from a fabulous trip to Orlando Florida this past weekend. We spent 10 gorgeous days or rest and relaxation. I will give a little run down of our adventures...run a get a drink.

We left at 4:30 am Friday morning and drove to the border in record time, stopping only for our last Timmies. While at the border we were questioned by a less then pleasant agent...smiles are not free. I mean we have nothing to hide and all our documents where ready and legit, but sometimes you pull up and you can just feel the looming sense of doom. During the tense 7 minutes of who, what, where, when, and why; Iris leans over towards the woman and shouts out, "I yike Tim bit please". We almost literately pissed ourselves, of course agent lifeless did not crack a lip, but at least it cut the tension for us. We passed with no issues and set a course to Bob Evans for some breakfast. After a good breakfast we carried on and drove 8 more hours to South Carolina where we stopped over night for a rest.

When we arrived we were pleasantly greeted by a clean and spectacular room including a big screen television and 4 person Jacuzzi. I normally am a germ-a-phoebe and would not dare enter a "public" bath, but the room was so clean and I was so tired that I ventured and figured at worse case scenario that's what they have penicillin for. It was pure bliss!

We were all pretty beat and needed a place to eat. The whole way down we saw signs for Cracker Barrel and Shoney two chain restaurants. As it happens they were both right outside our hotel. The Cracker Barrel was packed and Iris would not hold on much longer so we went to Shoney...we chose poorly.

It was seafood night at Shoney's and really I could not identify anything that was there and the fact that nothing was labelled made dining a real mystery. They seated us in smoking, because really that is all they have. Basically the difference between the two is whether or not you chose to smoke at your table. We sat at our table and I looked around; it was filthy...germ-a-phoebes nightmare. My sister and I went up to the "buffet" where I witnessed in horror a woman chip through the crust that had formed on the 1000 island dressing like the sugar topping of a crème brule, and poured it onto her salad. I know I staggered back and I think my sister helped me not fall over. My face must have said it all. I continued to walk around the tiny buffet holding my plate tight against my body, looking at the bounty before me like I was next on fear factor. I ended up with unknown fish stick, fruit and plain salad and we left pretty soon after and headed over to Sonic for a burger. If I am going to get botulism I at least want it to taste good on the way down and be able to identify what gave it to me in the end. LOL...in the end...ahhhh.

The next morning we hit the road for another 8 hour drive. We stopped at Dunkin Donuts as it is the closest coffee to Timmies as you will get in America and really I miss it now....God bless DD. So my sister, Iris and I waited in the car as Mark ran into get the coffees. He came out with this tray of steaming beverage that made my jaw drop. The size of the DD's extra large coffee was unreal. My God you have to pee half way through it. Remarkable!

Finally we arrived in Orlando just around the dinner hour. It was warm and you could smell that beautiful scent of flowers and summer eve air. I was immediately in love. Our condo was perfect 2 bedrooms 2 bath and the grounds were lovely. Over the course of the next week we played in the pool dined at wonderful restaurants and visited SeaWorld.

Our friends were also in Orlando by chance for 2 days while we were there and we decided to have a grown up night out....insert sister here. So we headed over to a place called Boston Lobster Feast to eat our body weight in seafood. We had some wine...no offence to our American friends but the beer is a waste of money really. We had some great laughs talking about Orlando parks and the various arguments we had. My husband and Doug ate 6 lobsters each plus many other tasty seafood items. They were pale and could hardly move...buzz killers. I tried raw oysters for the first time and YUMMMMM....I am hooked.

One of the days we headed over to SeaWorld which was interesting with a 22 month old to say the least. Iris was tired from all the weeks’ activities and was a tad whiney. We started off great, but as the day progressed we all got a bit snappy. A lot of the problem is that you cannot take your stroller into the exhibits. Outside the exhibits is stroller parking, so you park, take the kid out, take your bags out and hoof it into the Penguin exhibit for example. Inside the kids are lose and running around and our dear Iris would like to have done the same, but I am not a complete moron and foresee that letting your kid run around in the dimly light exhibit is just asking for trouble. She was less than impressed with the in and out stroller activity. We did manage to see the turtles, feed the sting rays, watch the dolphin show, go through the shark tunnel, see the manatees, visit the penguins and grab the Shamu show.

The Shamu show was interesting. To start in had begun to rain and baby girl was an hour over her scheduled (her agenda, not ours) naptime. We are running over to the whale stadium for the Shamu show that starts in 5 minutes. Of course we get there and are required to park our stroller and empty out our lives before heading up the giant ramp into the stadium. There are park employees shouting out, no seats to the show...soak zone only! I of course don't care as we are leaving the park right after the show, and the car rides is 3.5 minutes. Mark on the other hand is having a full on freak out about getting wet. So we are shouting back and forth to each other I at the top and him at the bottom of this ramp.

me: We are here and we are doing it com'n

him: I don't want to get wet. Wait until the next show.

me: the next show is in two and a half hours, that's 3:30 seriously do you think screaming mimi can make it until 3:30...GODDD!

him: we'll just go home, forget Shamu

me: FORGET SHAMU....We have been telling her all week she is going to see Shamu. We are not doing Disney or anything else...We are seeing the fucking whale now. So put on you hap hap happy face and get a poncho (pussy)

So we sat in the very front row. So close that we could not see anything above, but the underwater view was amazing, such beautiful creatures. The whole time Mark and Sarah are panicking about the impending soak. We got it at the end twice, but it was fine and Mark surprisingly did not melt.

We were so sad to leave, but are inspired to save for our retirement.

Here are some pics, sorry to my facebook friends who have already seen these.

Poolside I was made for retirement.

It's hard being a pirate.

I love this picture...good times with Daddy.

Sweet belly, more Daddy time.

Little something to get ya going.

Iris's Valentines day breakfast.

Sister Sarah poolside.

Ahh so lush...damn winter.

Cheers.

Lounging poolside.

Doesn't everyone wear their biniki bottoms on their head. She must be baking!

Seven Odd Things

2008-01-29T09:19:00.000-06:00

I have been tagged by MP in an attempt to keep my blogging...lol

I love the fresh fruit, but hate anything fruit flavoured, such as strawberry flavoured milk. Barf!!!!

I am not a fan of the ice cream. I occasionally get in a mood for it (3 times a year), but never by it to have at home.

I drink vinegar and pickle juice from the bottle...yummmy!!!!!

I have a strange relationship with dead people...spirits. They follow me and recently have started talking to me. It's irritating and freaky to say the least.

I hate to have my photo taken.

I hate to fly sooo much that if I see a plane landing or I am watching a show where they are inside I plane, I get nausea and could barf right there.

I can't poop anywhere but at home...inconvenient I know.

There you go peeps!

Kick in the ass from MP

2008-01-22T12:01:00.000-06:00

MP has kindly made comment that I have not made a post in a few months. She is interested in an update, Christmas holiday events, pictures...

So the guilt has got to me and here I am.

My business was crazy over the December months and I was basically baking up until Christmas eve if you can imagine. I did however make some decent money which came in handy when I had to replace all four tires, get a brake job and an oil change :O(

One of my orders.

Our Christmas was quiet but busy. We did a lot of visiting and dinners with family and friends which I love and it helped that I started my 3 week vacation on the 19th! Our friends Linda and Rob opened up their home to us for a joyful night of emotional eating and drinking, which I was in desperate need of. We had a great time as always and so did baby girl...she loves Linda's girls.

We were to have Christmas eve with Mark's parents, but Mark's grand father took a turn for the worst and in turn his parents went out to Quebec to be with them. So there we were Christmas eve all by ourselves. It was delightful and our first Christmas Eve together as a family in 12 years. We started off in the late afternoon making pumpkin pies together for Christmas Day dinner. Then we put on the always classy, yet traditional Christmas log DVD and opened our gifts to each other in front of the tree. Baby girl had an absolute blast as she handed out each gift with a little, "Merry Quismas Mama/Daddy. After Iris was up in bed with sugar plums dancing in her head, we order the most delicious Chinese food and had a nice dinner together while we watched the Christmas Vacation. I piss my pants at that movie every time!

Making pies with mom and dad

One of the pies and the Log DVD

The next morning to our surprise Santa had come and left Iris an abundant of toys. Her favourite being the little tykes kitchen...big hit. We spent some time exploring the new winfall and then later headed over to my parents for more gift opening and eating! All in all a great Christmas.

The new kitchen and a little thumb suck.

On December 29th we went out with Mark's aunt, uncle, cousin and Bob (lol) for a dinner and "show" at Mysteriously Yours. It is basically a murder mystery night with dinner. We had a great time.

Iris and her best friend Molly the Dolly

Cold snowy day.

New Years we spent at my brothers home along with my parents and sister. We had a great time and I found out that I am going to be an aunt again! Baby #3 is baking as we speak.

Baby #2 and Iris

Unfortunately Mark's grand father passed away on Jan. 9th from renal failure. Although a great sadness and loss for our family, he did have a great long life and is no longer confined to a hospital bed. Mark's Memere has come down to stay for a few months. It is a nice treat to have her here. She is enjoying the time she is able to spend with Iris and is getting some much needed rest.

Other wise all is good and I will try not to leave my blog abandoned.

Little full lota sap...back by popular demand!

2007-12-03T12:59:00.000-06:00

Back by popular demand! I am re-posting from last Christmas...enjoy!

When the holidays are upon us we share stories of family traditions, touching memories and more quirks that set us apart from the rest of the normal people.

My mom had just gone out and purchased an artificial Christmas tree. It has all the latest bells and whistles, pre-lit with 6 billion "warm" white LED lights which is this year’s model and to boot the tree is a slim fit. About the only thing that will be slim this holiday.
Anyway, she was telling me that my dad and she had to put up the tree immediately as she wanted to be sure the lights were all working and that it was indeed a "slim" tree. She was told that the store policy was 14 days for a return and being that this was only the second week of November it left her no choice but to perform an early test launch. She said that the tree was beautiful and a snap to put up only 20 minutes start to finish. This made me laugh as I started to have random flashback images of Christmas past.

Some families made the picking out of a tree a real family event, a joyful celebration, a cherished tradition. I picture them with their clothes laid out the night before...little Johnny may have even slept in his. The family would awake that crisp and sunny Saturday and hop in the station wagon for a drive into the country where they would come upon their beloved tree farm. Oh the children would shout for joy, "we're here, we're here" and mom and dad would join hands and embrace the glory. They would hop out of the wagon and make there way up to a barn that had been transformed into Christmas in 1920's. Inside would be an old wood burning fire, the smell of fresh pine and cider in the air. Around would be little hand made decorations and bake goods for sale.

That wee family would stroll arm in arm out back to a field where the most perfect trees grew. Just then a flurry of snow and a warm light in the distance...hark our tree. The family running up to the tree, "this is it kids", dad would proclaim and the good sir would cut it down and wrap it up. Everyone pilling back into the wagon, with cider in hand and a glow in there hearts.

Beautiful isn't it....cut to real life and I don't mean to insult anyone who for them this story is reality. You are just getting better drugs and counselling then my family got. Kudos’ to you!

The story "Christmas Vacation", with Chevy Chase was more my style. The houses that we grew up in typically had a space that would accommodate a fairly large tree. I say houses because we moved like we were in witness protection, but that is another blog.

As fair as most of the memories go, dad brought home a large real tree, it was lit and decorated to the tits and not much out of the ordinary. That is until silver shadow. That was the name of a street we lived on. I will remember that tree trimming for the rest of my life.

Please note the following is based on a true story, the content may seem truer than life, but rest assured it is strictly fact.

It was a week before Christmas I think I was 15. We had been talking about when and where we were going to get a tree. We were living in a multi levelled town home where the dining room looked over the living room in an open concept style. All thought the ceilings were 29 feet in the living room the actual footage was small. My dad who had been into the festive egg nog states that he will go get a tree. Three hours later he returns with the mother of all trees. It would have been excessive for a shopping mall let alone our living room. Although he has never admitted it, I am convinced that my dad when to a tree lot and being from the great white north was disgusted by what they considered to be a tree and I am sure he was shocked that he was expected to "buy" one of God's trees, so he went for a little stroll and cut down his own tree.

My mother's face when he arrived home with this wild tree, I will never forget. It hung 6 feet off each end of the minivan! The fight started then. My mother wanted to know, where he got a tree that size, where the hell he thought he was going to put a tree that size and what the hell was he thinking. There were 14 steps up from the foyer to the living room and I remember watching my father pull this damn tree up the stairs and it just kept on coming. When he reached the living room the top of the tree was still in the foyer. He dropped that tree in the middle of the living room/stairwell and I know I did a lot of drugs, but that was the biggest fucking Christmas tree I'd seen outside of Nathan Phillips Square. I just stood there Gob smacked as my father enlisted my help in standing up this tree. For the size of it, it was not terribly heavy and as we stood it up I understood why. Clearly my father had picked this sucker out in the pitch of night. There were holes in the tree that would house small families, not to mention the odd nest that my father proclaimed to be old and abandoned. I remember my mother standing there with her mouth wide open, it seemed like forever before she said something. Maybe she was looking for the right words, or reasoning for marrying the festive little man that stood before her then it happened. "For fuck sakes Tom, Jesus Christ. It has holes; there are holes in the tree. And how the fuck does anyone get the angle on top of that fucking situation"? My mom is the cutest little thing ever, all 4 feet 10 inches of her! I knew then it would be a Christmas to remember.

My father had asked me to hold the truck of the tree as we were standing it up and I was still holding it when he let go and walked over to see it from my mom's perspective. "Well it's a little tall but I will trim it and the holes will fill in once I untie it and let her settle".Yep, this thing was still tied up and the fresh sap was adhering my arm to it. My dad walking down the stairs on the way to the garage asks where we keep the tree stand. My mother is following him assuring him that we do not own a tree stand that will house a tree of that size. I can hear them bickering all the way down the stairs and out the house! I waited a few minutes and then began to get the impression that they were not returning.

After an hour my brother appears, let’s not get into the look on his 9 year old face. I ask him where mom and dad are. He says, "They had a fight. Dad is tearing the garage apart and mom is at the neighbour’s house having "egg nog".So I am stuck to the fucking tree, which is getting heavy. I send my brother out for help and soon my dad returns. He lifts the tree into a 20 litre paint bucket and fills it with water and rocks. Of course when he starts to untie the tree it turns out to be too wide and tree starts to tip. So there was some trimming and then the tree was secured to the wall at two points using heavy gauge wire. After a few more festive egg nogs, my dad decided to tackle my mother’s issue with the tree being too tall for her angel and to shut her up, lopped off the top of the tree!

Yep, it took about 1000 large lights, decorations the size of grapefruit and a Christmas table cloth for a tree skirt, and so what if we could only sit on one section of an L couch, in the end she really sparkled on Christmas morning! I believe we have had an artificial tree and dad has given up the egg nog since then so now we can all sit back and have a good laugh at our Griswald's family Christmas.

Happy tree shopping!

Ah, What the figgy pudding!

2007-11-27T10:00:00.000-06:00

If Mrs. Clause married the Grinch himself.

I am not exactly sure what went wrong with his childhood, but somewhere along the way my husband has developed a serious disgust for the holidays. Every single one of them, but Christmas is the worst.

He hates the tree trimming.

Despises holiday shopping.

Rejects the comfort in having friends and family near.

The caroling makes him want to vomit....blah blah humbug.

I have my theories being a social worker what the issues at hand may be, but that is another post. The fact that he hates Christmas and I simply adore the holiday to it's fullness, is a true test of our marriage. I have been given strict instructions since the day we were married, that under no circumstances is a Christmas decoration allowed to be displayed in our home before December first! I sit anxiously and patiently every year pleading that November is a perfectly acceptable time to put up a tree. I parade him up and down the isles at Costco where the Christmas decorations fight for positioning among the Halloween decor in October. He's reply is always a glare and an abrupt NO!

This year he made a grave error. He took me to Fankenmuth, Bronners to be exact....the happiest place on earth. Bronners is a massive Christmas store open 361 days of the year. My trip to this Christmas wonderland sparked my Christmas spirit early this year. My return in November did not help, in fact my second visit catapulted my glee for the season into overdrive.

Hubby left for sunny California last Friday and returns this Saturday morning. I have never really been one for respecting or adhering to the regulations of glorified authority figures...you know security guards that carry a Maglite, the green smock ladies at the hospital, librarians, my husband.

So I decided, what the figgy pudding, it will be December first by the time he opens our front door...lol I have DECORATED and I am bursting with holiday cheer.

In case he is lurking, "SUCKER, Merry frick'n HO HO"!

P.s. The kid is on my side!

Santa Baby!

Happy Holidays from the 3 midgets!

2007-11-22T14:02:00.001-06:00

Too Cute...my niece, nephew and baby girl....gogo

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9574765708

Oh Shit My Sides Hurt from Laughing!

2007-11-20T14:39:00.000-06:00

I was recently forwarded this email and I laughed so hard I was compelled to share it with everyone I know via blog.

Take a moment to visit this guys blog...

http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com/2007/10/strap-in-shut-up-and-hold-on-were-going.html

Enjoy folks!

Hating this week.

2007-11-15T08:27:00.000-06:00

I am currently sitting at my desk listening to Christmas carols over the net as it makes me happy. Christmas is my most favourite season ever and carols help soothe the anxiety attacks and rage I have during my work hours.

Yesterday was the closest I have ever come to picking up my purse and walking out...just one of those horrific days that kept getting worse. I am actually surprised that I left last night still employed, as I was convinced that I would quit or be fired...either way leaving without a job.

On my drive home I thought of my day and others work ethics of lack there of, an came up with a new reality show...urban survivor. You take 16 not-for-profit employees and place them into the corporate world, (lets say where Linda and I use to work together) and leave these poor people there to work for one month. Now that's quality viewing! Linda would be Jeff in this spin of survivor.....ahhh lol good times!

Adding insult to injury, the drive was ridiculous at one hour and 45 minutes. Tim Hortons was as disappointing as ever and I drove away with my diaper bag on the top of my car last night. I was only five minutes away when I realized what had happened. I called the in laws and asked them to take a quick look for me. I turned around and made my way back to their place keeping my eyes peeled for the bag. I met my FIL at the end of his street carrying my bag. I discovered that it had been opened and gone through...all the little zippers and pockets violated. Seriously, what the fuck did you think you'd find other that diapers and wipes. It is clearly a diaper bag and if you had found money, would you have really stolen it from a mom you filthy pig. I breathe deeply and hope for Karma!

Today...not that much better, but short of winning the lottery there is not much I can do.

Jingle all the way!

2007-11-12T14:31:00.000-06:00

As the snowy weather approaches I am reminded of a tale that I will never live down. To this day my dear friend Linda chuckles as she tells the punch line.

I had just graduated from college, I was purchasing my first home and about to be married in less than a years time. The company in which I currently work for was not hiring, but could foresee an opening with in the year. They told me to find a job for the time being and they would let me know when they had an opening. After a few weeks of realizing that I am about to take on the world unemployed and panicking about what I was going to do...my friend Linda came through.

Linda approached me one night at pool. She stated that her company was looking for temp help and would I like a job. Linda worked for an industry that I knew nothing about. It was corporate and I was a certified tree hugger, I did not think I could do it. However in the always encouraging manner Linda proclaimed, "You can do it. You just need common sense stupid". I took the job.

To be honest, it was the first "real" job I had ever had. My first corporate experience in an unforgiving industry. I needed a mentor and their was Linda. I her grasshopper, she my mentor. Linda is one of the kindest, loyal, generous, loving, intelligent, shoot from the hip, don't talk to me today if you want to live, bitches I have ever met. She's great, but will take you out in a moments notice if you fuck with her or her family. I love her!

So I am the temp which equals new girl bring coffee. Everything is going well and my contract continues to be extended and I am making my mentor proud until one fatal error.

At the time I was living with my parents in Mississauga and had woke at my normal time to find a shit load of snow had and continued to be falling. I proceeded with my shower and getting dress all along with the looming drive hanging over me. I hate driving in snow and at that time was ridiculously paranoid about it. I grabbed my purse and headed out to the highway listening to the traffic report which only fuelled my anxiety. It was still dark and snowing as I entered the on ramp of the 403. I managed 2 exits when I witnessed a car skid off the road and end up in the ditch. I lost what little nerve I had and proclaimed that no job was worth my life...drama queen. I exited at the next ramp and went back home. I was freaked out, but I realize now that cars don't just fly off the road...that perhaps he was driving at an unsafe speed and in a dangerous manner causing him to leave the road way that day.

I returned back home 30 minutes later, slightly shakened. I proceeded upstairs to my bedroom, changed into my p.j's and robed, went back down to the kitchen and made a half coffee half hot coco, flicked on the fireplace and joined my mom in the living room.

Here is the error. I picked up the phone and called Linda, whom of course was already at work (she's a keener) and foolishly began telling my story. You tell me where I may have gone wrong.

Lin: Good morning
me: Hey Lin
Lin: where are you
Me: I am sitting in on the couch, in my pjs, in front of the fire sipping a hot coco! giggle giggle
Lin: WHY!
Me: It's snowing
Lin: No Why are you not here?
Me: (gulp...and in a louder voice) It's snowing
Lin:.................................
Me: Lin? (the silence was the key that we were no longer on the same page)
Lin: yep
Me: it's snowing too bad here. I started out and then a car....(I was abruptly cut off)
Lin: So I will see you when?
Me: (cute peppy voice) Tomorrow...I'll bring coffee :O)
Lin: yeah so you are sitting on the couch curled up with a coco in front of the fire and you won't be in today, am I right.
Me: Yeah sorta sorry...I feel bad, but it's...(cut off again)
Lin: Insert scary laughter...ooooo-kay. So not at all today. Not even later when it's not snowing, like when they have cleared the roads? Not then, not today eh?
Me: oh you're mad at me
Lin: still laughing....you have a good day with mommy now....click
Me: dial tone...okay you too.

The rest of my time there (which looking back is a surprise that I had anytime left) was spent trying to live down that day. Why I didn't just call in sick...period was beyond me. Why I thought that because it was Linda a friend, that she'd go easy on me, is a mystery. I plead young and stupid and seriouly lacking common sense afterall.

The out come of this little story has been interesting though. Firstly I feel guilty beyond belief when I rest in bed for a while, nap or call in sick for anything. Secondly, I subconsciously inherit ted Linda's above standard work ethic, and my team thanks you Linda. I am the biggest bitch when it comes to people calling in. It drives me to hear about their sniffles and such. One ex-coworker called and said she wasn't coming in because they were calling for snow! It hadn't even snowed yet like in my case. I didn't take it lightly...Linda you'd be proud.

Grasshopper

Thanks MP

2007-11-01T13:13:00.000-05:00

So All that is Highlited is something I have done.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink (not)
2. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain (does Diamond Head count...that ended well)
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive (Ick no)
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula (touched one)
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone (no thanks, they'd just ruin it by wanting sex)
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree (I'm a tree hugger)
10. Bungee jumped (not on your life...or mine for that matter)
11. Visited Paris (would like to)
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (no, but it would be a sight I am sure...I have seen a lighting ball)
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise (oh to be young again)
14. Seen the Northern Lights (yep...beautiful)
15. Gone to a huge sports game (unfortunately)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (every year)
18. Touched an iceberg (not sure I want to get that close)
19. Slept under the stars (yep not as romantic as it sound...dew it's a bitch
20. Changed a baby’s diaper (shit yes)
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon (sounds nice but not a fan of a basket being the only thing between me and the ground)
22. Watched a meteor shower (on the beach...perfect make out)
23. Gotten drunk on champagne (so good and I will do it again)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (I bad for it)
27. Had a food fight (wouldn't be a thanks giving without one)
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb (Royal winter fair...get on it)
33. Seen a total eclipse (In every sense...Yep looked right at it...grade 5...prayed every night for a year later that I would not wake up blind)
34. Ridden a roller coaster (yep and hate it every time)
35. Hit a home run
36.Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day (although I am accused of it often...aunt and pants....soft a people)
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer (I probably do...ask the geek I married)
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe (nah)
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing (yeah no)
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving...Lucky if you can get me in a plane let alone to jump out
51. Visited Ireland (would love to)
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them (not by choice)
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs (OCD baby)
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke (hated it)
59. Lounged around in bed all day (yeah but felt really guilty about it)
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving.
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater (way better then sharing my personal space)
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business (Just did...small and young)
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites (Mexico)
70. Taken a martial arts class (Judo)
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight (oh lord)
72. Gotten married (yep!)
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced (shit I hope not...invested way too much time already)
76. Gone without food for 5 days (IV Count...make it 10 then)
77. Made cookies from scratch (of course...how else do you make cookies)
78. Won first prize in a costume contest ( when I was a kid and a company picnic)
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo (yep, would like more)
81. Rafted the Snake River (not)
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert” (nope, just as a person trapped in a car)
83. Gotten flowers for no reason (my geek loves me)
84. Performed on stage (taa daaa...another blog perhaps)
85. Been to Las Vegas (hate that flight)
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark (no we have a respect thing for each other)
88. Kissed on the first date (kiss...interesting approach)
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house (twice...scares the shit out of me everytime)
91. Been in a combat zone (other than my place of employment...no)
92. Buried one/both of your parents (shit no...that makes me sad)
93. Been on a cruise ship (Oh lord I throw up on the ferry ride to Toronto Island...I am a real treat)
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children (in the process)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (no too close to stalking for me)
98. Passed out cold (yep)
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country (My ass is not pretty on a bike seat)
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery (reconstructive)
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't’t have survived (hoooya)
105. Wrote articles for a large publication (my letter to the editor made it)
106. Lost over 100 pounds (probably should...I did give birth to a 10lb baby...it's a start)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane (fuck no...and count your blessing that I haven't)
109. Touched a stingray (no....again with the mutal respect thing)
110. Broken someone’s heart (maybe...I would like to think that I have impact on those I tango with)
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show (nope, but it would be nice)
113. Broken a bone (Yep...5 in my back/neck, tailbone 3 time and 3 in my foot...and my skull)
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears (no but love the lip)
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (yep whata rush)
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild (ahhh no)
118. Ridden a horse (for sure)
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet (ICK)
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours (Yep fell off a balcony once...another blog....concussion)
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents (lord these people have money)
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi (yum)
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed ( now that's a sight)
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes (soooo, good...pickle green tomatoes too)
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey (I don't have that type of attention span)
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (my dad hunts)
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you (could have)
145. Had a booth at a street fair (should have)
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life (child choking on a sour key ring)

Enjoy and thanks for the waste of time...lol

Odd little creature

2007-10-23T11:22:00.000-05:00

Have you ever looked over at your significant other and thought, "you are an odd little creature".

I love my hubby, he's wonderful, but he comes with a ring of oddness. To be fair we all do and I am most likely the poster child for odd habits people have, but the other day I was looking at him and I was flooded with all the things odd about him.

When you first start dating you are looking for the red flags and any sign that you should run hard in the opposite direction. You notice all the nice and kind things he does and assess their pureness as the bottom line is that he is trying to bed you ultimately. You take note if he has good table manners, does he tip well, is he funny...I could go on, but you don't get the chance to meet those hidden quirks until you are sharing a life together.

I am sure many of you are all aware that my hubby is much like a stale Twinkie; Crusty exterior with a creamy delicious filling. But here are some other oddities that you might not know about him. Little things that I have collected along the journey of our marriage.

He proclaimed a few days ago that he hates chicken salad sandwiches as it, "fucks with his senses". He states that although he knows it's chicken he is confused by each bite as he was expecting tuna, which in turn saddens him.
He is obsessed with Gossip Girl, a new T.V. show that started this fall. It is basically a drama about these prep kids that are rich and pretty much able to do what they want. There all cliques and story lines behind each character that slowly unfolds and reveals a little insight each week. A 17 year old girl would love it. Over the course of the last few weeks I have been shushed over 4 times. Last week I was asking about a few of the characters and he was flipping out saying, "why don't you ask during commercial". Lord love us honestly!
He breaks everything, everything. My ladle, my spatula, my purse, etc.
He absolutely freaks out if his hand are sticky or dirty.
He folds his pizza in half to eat it.
He gets Jimmy legs and then whines that he has them and bed time is 2 hours away.
He has a bedtime!
He works 3km from home, but leaves at 7:30 to be there at 8:30. He has a little route that he takes to relax before work. How the hell you relax during morning traffic is beyond me.
Every six months or so he decides that he is going to quit smoking. He goes out and buys 3 months worth of the patch and sticks diligently to the program. He seems proud with his accomplishment of not smoking for almost 4 months, but what he really want is a smoke ...job well done. He is so weak.
He scopes the parking lot for pull-thru spots. I was 9 and half months pregnant and he parked so frick'n far away because he saw a pull-thru. Note: a pull-thur is when one pulls their car into a parking spot only to find that the spot in front of them is too empty and you then pull up into that spot. It is a cheaters reverse parking job.

Just an observation.

Turd Burglar

2007-10-18T09:05:00.000-05:00

The definition of a turd burglar is; A person who knocks on your stall door while you are in the act of defecating.

My baby girl is the ultimate turd burglar. I have reached the point of motherhood where privacy is non existent. Whereever I go she follows and with questions.

I am about to leave for work the other morning when I was hit we the "feeling". I sat baby girl on the coach with her warm bottle (trying to break her of the bottle is another story) and her Molly. I tell her:

Me: You sit here, mama needs to go pee pee
BG: squirming to get off the couch... I-is (her interpretation of her name) pee pee
Me: No No, Baby, you sit here and I will be back...inner dialogue, can I just have a poop without the commentary and big brown eyes staring at me.
BG: off the couch and running to the bathroom.

I get to the bathroom, start my pee and she stop, swings around with the biggest eyes and a perfectly O shaped mouth and says, OHhhhhhh mama PEE PEE...good girl mama". I thanked her for the recognition of my efforts and try to carry on with a bit of dignity. She then starts to slide herself between myself and the wall toward the back of the toilet and is pushing me. "Up mama Up, bye pee". Oh lord. I say no and she loses her mind throwing herself on the floor between the wall and the toilet screaming, "Pee pee, bye pee pee." I pick her up and she runs out of the bathroom and shuts the door. Ah peace!

Bang bang, mama, help. *sigh* now she wants back in and cannot manage to open the door. I open the door and in the middle of me trying to reason with a 17 month old that mommy is not done and would like to try pooh pooh, she hears Mark's shower go on and bolts up the stairs and down the hall to the main stairs. For Christ sakes... I jump off the toilet and run after her with my pants half up. I grab her and take her back to the bathroom. Along the way she has picked up a Polly doll and another has joined my party. I shut the door, drop what is left of my pants and attempt to wrap this situation up. During which time Baby girl is now sliding Polly doll up and down my legs shouting blissfully WEEEEEEEE mama slide WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

And we are done. I have to face the fact that this is not going to happen for me today. I may never be able to poop again. I just needed 2.5 minutes of peace and it all would have been nothing more than an after thought, but nope the turd burglar strikes again. Forcing me to carry around my poop all day as I do not public poop, and hopefully things will work out later.

Update

2007-10-18T09:01:00.000-05:00

Sister Sarah finally came home from he hospital on Monday afternoon. Turns out she had an ulcer too and they had to perform a CT and scope after surgery as she was continuing to have pain and vomiting. She is on the mend now at home, but still having trouble keeping foods down.

The man who wife was sent to IUC, was taking off the vents the next morning and transported to day surgery floor to recover. She is doing well and was sent home on Friday night.

TTFN

Sister Sarah

2007-10-12T10:43:00.000-05:00

I got a phone call from my mom on Wednesday night telling me that my sister had been taken to the hospital as her gall bladder attacks were worsening. My mom said she would call in the morning to let me know what the out come was.

I woke up on Thursday and had yet to hear from my mom. On my way into work I called her and she had just come back home at 5:30 that morning and is on her way back to the hospital soon. Apparently my sister was going to have emergency surgery and was just waiting for an opening. I decided at that point that my mom was really in no shape to drive out to 400/Finch and stay there all day by her self, so I headed over to her place and picked her up.

At the hospital we found a very sick sister Sarah. She was in a lot of pain even with the morphine. I felt really bad for her. At 7: 30pm she was finally taken into the O.R. and the doctor told us it would be an hour and he would come talk to us in the waiting area at Tim Hortons. Mom and I left and went to get some dinner. We got anxious close to the hour mark and waited for the doctor to round the corner at any moment. At 9pm my mom started to panic, but I assured her that all was well and they are most likely taking their time.

9:30, 10:00, 10:30 now mom is crying and is convinced that something is wrong. I was running out of things to tell her and she was starting to get me worried. I decided to go up to her room...maybe we had missed her, but the bed was empty.

In the mean time the gentleman whose wife came out of surgery before Sarah went in...is wondering around looking for her. We had over heard the doctors talking about a patient that was not breathing and was being vented and moved to the ICU. I assumed it was this mans wife, but I did not want to say anything as there is always a slim chance that I am just nosey and it's not her. This happened at 6:30, before Sarah was taken in. He kept saying to us that he cannot find anyone in surgery to talk to and the nurses upstairs are redirecting him back to O.R.. He mentioned that no one was in recovery, so Sarah must still be in surgery. At this point my mom pretty much loses it as a 1 hour procedure has turned into over 3 hours and she is thinking the worst.

Then this man finally finds out from the nurses up stairs that his wife has been moved to ICU, as she is not breathing on her own, and he left to investigate that was at 10:45pm...nearly five hours after the fact. I felt terrible for him and I hope that she is fine. It was morally heart wrenching to not tell him what I had over heard. Thank God the nurse told him, as I am pretty sure I could not keep it from him much longer....stupid doctors put me in that position.
Mom is really freaking out now, because if they kept that info from him then what are they keeping from us. His wife's surgery was a simple procedure too, she just didn't want to come around in recovery and so they vented her.

We decided at this point to go down to the O.R. and ransack it until we found Sarah. As we walked in Sarah's O.R. nurse comes running from one of the rooms and stops in her tracks.

Nurse: What are you two still doing here?

Us: Waiting for Sarah to come out of surgery.

Nurse: Who

Us: Sarah...Gallbladder

Nurse: Oh God she left hours ago.

Us: What

Nurse: Yeah 8:30, her surgery is done she's gone back to her room.

Us: But the doctor never came to tell us she was out

Nurse: oh. I am sorry...she's fine the surgery was fine

We headed back up to the room where Sarah has been asking for us for the last 40 minutes or so. We must have passed each other when I checked the first time.

She is doing well and will be coming home today. It was a really long day and I am glad I decided to go with my mom. I could not imagine her sitting alone through that. Holy stress.

This is Sarah while we are waiting in the OR. I am killing time by trying to convince her that she is pretty. She was too sleepy to play so I took a picture for later, and by later I mean face book....I'm a bitch!

Gobble Gobble

2007-10-10T08:24:00.001-05:00

Nothing better than a belly full of turkey and a four day work week.

We had our thanksgiving celebration weekend, which was a good time had by all. On Saturday hubby and I hosted a beautiful turkey dinner for my family. I would like to give a shout out and big thanks to my hubby who actually cooked the entire dinner...he's the man. Now before you all get bent out of shape with jealousy I would like to note that I baked non stop last week and I cleaned the house...It is only fitting that he cook a meal. Besides that, he has a culinary arts diploma and I would hate to see his education go to waste.

Our turkey was super good and yes it was yet another beautiful bird compliments of our fish monger. Thanks a bunch Paul and the family at Paul's Fish and Meat Market!

On Sunday we were invited for an afternoon and dinner at Mark's Aunt and Uncle's place in Ajax. We had a fantastic time and my sides are still burning from laughing so hard. We dined on a crown of pork, dressing and more veggies that you could shake a stick at. We had a ton of laughs and great time bonding with the family and friends. Look forward to Christmas.

On Monday we headed over to another set of Mark's aunt and uncle's home for a coffee and a holiday visit.

Overall great weekend, but I am having trouble taking this week seriously. I really want to just lie around and rub my gut.

Fall Happiness

2007-10-03T08:15:00.000-05:00

I love the fall. It's cool and crisp with the of this year. The colours are beautiful and the feelings of the up coming holidays bring joy to my soul. I love the holidays, thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas...check check and check, Love it!

I am hosting thanksgiving at my home this year and looking forward to getting the family together. I have not seen my brother in a few months, so I am looking forward to spending some time with him and his family. I of course am in the thick of the holiday baking. Which started right after the preserve season. I will bake now through to New years. I have a small business of selling bake goods; trays of sweets for parties, boxed selections for gifts and other goodies. I am doing pretty well at it, but it takes a lot of time management and organization, but so far so good...I even have a website, but it's under construction, but lots of fun.

I am really writing this post because I had my first honey crisp apple! I am an addict...Now! I am loving the honey crisp!

Happy thanksgiving to all our Canadian friends!

Things that make me rant out loud

2007-09-25T08:47:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the delay in posting, still part time insane. I thought I would once again make a condensed post of my random rants.

1. Still losing my hair...God the stress is good....feel the burn. I am now pulling whookies out of my bath drain just for shits and giggles. I should sell them on ebay. I will look closer at them and see if I come across a whookie with the face of Jesus in it!

2. This is day two of stale humid air in my work place. For reasons I am unable to disclose via blog we are being forced to sit in our own sweat at our desks. Yesterday I thought I was going to slip into a coma of some sort.

3. I am so frick'n tired of Tim Hortons and the lack of brain cells required to do the job. I repeated my coffee order 3 times this morning, when I pulled up she had a medium coffee and a muffin...no sweetie....XL coffee 2 cream 1 sugar....that's it....fourth time. You know what her reply was, "HUFF". She huffed me for her stupidity. Then she handed me my coffee and huffed again as she said, "have a good day". Maybe you should use a Q-tip before slapping on the head set. Too bad I am addicted to the crack in the coffee or I would boycott.

4. I hate the people I drive to work with. The stupid barbie in an SUV doing her hair and make up in the rear view as she drive 33km down Burloak. (heavily use one lane road, post 60km) The fuckstick that sat at the drive way of Tim's for what felt like an hour with his left indicator on, only to turn right. The woman in the parking lot that insists on reverse parking but takes six runs at it as I "patiently" wait. You know what sweetie...you're embarrassing yourself. If you cannot swing your compact car into that spot in one pass then it is not meant to be. Reverse parking is clearly not your forte....let it go...just let it go. She did and basically abandoned her car 3 feet from the end of the spot and parked on a wicked angle so that no one else can park beside her....but she in folks.

5. MIL...will be the death of me for many reason, but this morning especially. Maybe I was edgy from being up from 4 am on due to terrible chest/back pains.
I sat baby girl in her chair this morning and gave her some water and a piece of banana to start her off while I made her toast. She ate a bite of the banana and then threw it to the dog. I scolded her and gave her the toast topped with my own homemade concord jelly. I am preparing my lunch when I look over and she is mashing the toast between her fingers and rubbing it in her hair. As I walk over to her she throws the toast to the dog. I was so mad I could have spit! IRIS!!!!!!!!! WE DO NOT EAT LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!
Iris: OHHH Mommy mad and bangs her palms on her tray....she repeated this 3 or 4 times laughing in between.
I gave her another piece of banana which she seemed open to, but quickly became a mistake as she mashed it while she sang, " mash banana mash banana, hot ato hot ato (ato=potato)". God damn it...fucking wiggles.
How does this tie into MIL you ask. She is my daycare provider and has several meals with Iris during the week. I have witness a few of these meals and it is mayhem. Why give a year old a yogurt and a spoon and let her go at it. She will now always want to do it herself. It is all over the fucking place and although cute this time...not so cute after I have bathed her and got her dressed and trying to get her some breakfast before leaving for work. Not so cute in a restaurant or at a not so child friendly home. MIL sings the damn wiggles song with mash bananas while she's eating and lets her mash her food. Why the hell would you make that association for her. Lets her lift up her bowl and drink from it, or lick her plate...it's called a spoon and table manners. FRICK! Finally she lets her feed the dog when the meal is over or if she is done with something. So basically I can no longer take my kid out to eat as she is a pig at the table. I understand she is 17 months and she is going to make a mess, but she still needs to learn manners and the proper way to eat. This display of pig eating will not be cute at 7.

6. Iris's new word, ah shit...clear as day. I am surprised it's shit and not fuck as I have severe potty mouth...shocking I know, but true.

7. Catholic schools not wanting to really support the HPV vaccination at school because it promotes a message that the catholic school broad is okay with young girls/teens having sex. As HPV is caused by multiple sexual partners. The vaccine is really a wonderful break through in the cancer research. This could eliminate many cases of cervical cancers and it is now being researched that there is a possible link between HPV and the rise in brain tumors.
I think it is ironic that the Catholic school board is up in arms or HPV and sex, but is carefree about the dress code or lack there of, for their young female students. In efforts to protect our children I would not post pictures of what I see daily, but you have witnessed it yourself I am sure. On Monday I dropped of baby girl and there is a Catholic school a the top of MIL street. As I am driving up the street I notice a girl maybe about 17 walking ahead of me. Honest to God it looked like she was wearing a white dress shirt, a large knapsack and a pair of black shoes. It was like her knapsack had a pair of legs hanging from it. It was not until I got along side her that I could see her kilt aka plaid belt. Honestly, how do you let your daughter out like that. I know that some roll the waist but not the case here...her shirt was quite tight and that's a lot of rolling. I do not understand how they are sitting at school. There is no way they are sitting on their kilts. Ick...another use for lysol wipes. And those poor boys...they are just hitting the worst part of development, when their junk has a mind of it's own. These poor guys must have to tape it to their leg, just to get through the day. They cannot be learning much, not with all the images of naked legs, slight glimpse of a butt check bent over at the locker, tight white tops and a chance of rain. This is the real image the the Catholic school board is promoting...you can look at our young girls, but you can't touch. Sickos. Iris will be attending a catholic school and if I catch her wearing her kilt as a belt she'll be saddened. I will squeeze my plus sized body into her tiny kilt and walk her to school myself...that should fix it.

8. I have started a little business and it seems to be doing really well so far.

9. I am still having chest pains, but not as bad...despite not finding anything wrong. So I guess I am just going to live with it.

10. Cannot wait for the weekend!

Thanks for the rant and enjoy.

Going Crazy

2007-09-12T08:41:00.000-05:00

Well from my lack of posting one could assume that I have been busy.

Your assumptions would be correct. It is really just day to day bullshit.

my workload continues to be through the roof
Back to school has impacted my commute as I knew it would...from 25 minutes to just shy of an hour and a half today. If you covered my drive in bat shit, rolled it maggots and force fed it too me...I couldn't hate it more.
my stress and anxiety levels remain high resulting in poor body functions; hair falling out, throat closing, panicked breathing and my teeth are loosening
I cannot get a good coffee these days as I am so late for work, I can't wait in the 22 minute Tim Horton's line up, So I am forced to drink country style....tasting much like cat piss with coffee grinds stirred in.
I am experiencing little to no down time at nights which is mostly my own fault...making jams, jellies and pickles can do that to you.

I am sorry for the lack of post and will hopefully be back to some normalcy in October...maybe November to be realistic. Keep checking back I am bound to fire my stack about something.

Butt Juice

2007-08-30T13:35:00.000-05:00

I have been crop dusted for the second time this week....Jesus Christ cook your food man!

For those who are not familiar with the term crop dusting; To crop dust is to walking in front of someone and release a slow, steady and silent fart. In most cases the "duster" (person releasing the gases) has been holding the fart for some time and the gases emitted are overwhelming and foul.

I walking down the hallway at work earlier this week, when the guy ahead of me laid a ferocious crop dusting. He was coming from the washroom and let it go. Honestly, was there a reason why he could not have done that in the restroom, other than the fact the stench would have made the tiles peel off the wall.

I was in the middle of saying hi to a co-worker as I passed her office when I realized what had occurred. That I was being overcome by the horrific smell of the inside of this guys colon. It smelt like a hamster with another dead hamster stuffed in it's butt, had crawled inside this guys ass and died. I was being consumed by it...it was in my mouth and had to be impregnating my clothing. I finally ducked into the ladies washroom where I washed my hands and face immediately. It was like being sprayed by a skunk, if by a skunk I meant a client's ass.

I hung out in there for a bit to allow the carpet in the hallway to unroll, and of course expressed my experience with the first co-worker I saw.

This afternoon I am walking down the hallway again and I had noticed someone leaving as they turned the corner at the far end. I walked not even 3 steps when I was engulfed in yet another crop dusting. You dirty Bitch...I even said it out loud. Why not there is no one around. This is what I thought until I hear footsteps and see a woman walking up the hall towards me. She is on her way to the washroom. Ah Christ, she is going to think that I am the one with dead hamsters stuffed up my ass. I of course had to follow her in and let her know that men are pigs.

Must post, must post....

2007-08-28T11:03:00.000-05:00

Things have been a little wild and I have not had a chance to post.

Work has been beyond busy and has resulted in bring work home at nights which does nothing for my sex life let me tell ya. I hope that normalcy in the work place is restored soon, so the heart palpitations and hair loss will end.

Baby girls is cutting all four eye teeth and is having a real go with it. Poor thing is almost at the point of wearing a life jacket to protect her from drowning in her own drool. She is up through the night and is moody during the day...can't blame her her gums look horrific. In addition she just received her immunization on Friday and that is just adding salt to the wound. On the upside she is doing well according to the doctor. 83cm, 24.15 lbs and talking up a storm. Nothing sounds better after a tantrum than I sorry mama....and a kiss. I am seriously thinking of jumping back on the fertility wagon for another kick at the bucket.

My sister seems to be doing much better. She was in the hospital for a week and a bit and then back at the surgeons office for a consult. She was having terrible pain after eating and experiencing chronic low blood pressure. I mean really low...53/47...almost dead.

She was admitted into Milton hospital which is near her home. Now not to knock the hospital, I am sure they are wonderful for minor illnesses, broken bones, stitches, but I would not recommend going in with something mysterious like unexplained low blood pressure. The staff was nice enough, just no communication between the doctors.

She had one doctor in particular that was in my opinion was taking hit from the bong in the doctors lounge. He was about my age (30ish) and really I have no idea how he got his scrubs on all by himself. He was talking to my sister in this stoned monotone voice coming up with all sorts of ridiculous reasons for her low blood pressure. He finally stated that she was a bit of a mystery and continued muttering to himself as he walked out. The next night he came in while my sister was enjoying a Timmies coffee and announced to that he had been doing some research and may have come up with a diagnoses.

Dr.: Ah, do you like have coffee stains that come and go?
Sis: What?
Dr: a coffee stain. Do you have one that comes and goes?
Sis: Looking at her coffee and then looking at him says, Um I don't think so, but I am not sure what you are talking about.
Dr: Okay, no coffee stains (writes in her chart)....it turns out he was speaking about a cafe coloured birthmark that appears and then disappears for a few months/years.

Dr: I was reading about this man in the seventies that half of his head had hair and the other half was basically a giant birth mark. Do you think that might be you?
Sis: Eyes bugging out of her head, No. No, I think that I may have noticed that. Sis is beyond confused as he is looking at her in the flesh....can he not tell that she is probably not a candidate for that particular diagnoses.
Dr: Oh, um, yep you're a mystery and walks out muttering to himself.
Sis: Called me right away, and we killed ourselves laughing

She checked herself out the next day after he came back in stating that he was confirming her blood transfusion for 2 pm....after arguing with her about needing it he discovered she was the wrong patient.

Other than that I have not much more to report at this time. Just needed to get back into the posting game.

Hanging with the Frenchies

2007-08-15T08:16:00.000-05:00

We recently got back from our first summer vacation in five years. Hubby and I decided that we should take the time and drive up to see his grandparents who are ailing, but by the grace of God are still around to enjoy Iris.

The grand parents are living in Port Cartier Quebec which is about 18 hours by car. Beautiful country side but a hell of a long journey with the Baby girl. The first night we drove as far as Trois -Rivieres and grabbed a hotel room for some much needed rest. I might mention that we arrived at the hotel around 12:30 am and baby girl was still awake.

On our journey between Burlington and Trois-Rivieres we encountered several funny events and odd sightings. One in particular that sticks out is Rosie's Family Restaurant in Colburg. We once again were placing our trust in Anna (GPS locater with a crack habit) and discovered that the only place to eat in Colburg was a funky (in the bad sense) Chinese restaurant or Rosie's. In my efforts to ward off food poisoning I choose Rosie's. We walked in and were greeted with old and tired early 1980's decor with all original silk flowers. This woman, we'll call her Rosie sloths her way over to us and asks;

Rosie: How many?

Hubby: two and a highchair please

Rosie: drags her 40 yr old virgin body to the back of the restaurant and sits us at a table directly on top of another couple.

Me: I am looking around at a vacant restaurant with approximately 20 other tables and give Mark the eye.

Hubby: can we sit here actually as he points to two tables over with a larger table and comfy bench seat on one side

Rosie: ummm ahhhh ohhhh well no because what if a party of six comes in...and she puts our menus down on the table for two.

Mark: looking around, says to me; yeah that's happening

Me: not likely and start pissing myself laughing

Rosie: leaves to the kitchen.

It took Rosie another 15 minutes before she brought drinks and took our meal order and another 30 minutes to whip up a two dollar grill cheese and a chicken club. In the mean time I used the facilities and I report that the toilets recline for your comfort.
I would not recommend stopping at Rosie's Family Restaurant...thanks Anna.

We decided to fill up our gas as we left Colburg and good thing. As soon as we crossed the boarder into Quebec the price of gas shot up from 96.1 to 109.5...and remained there for the rest of our road trip.

In Montreal we hit some serious construction which is pretty much on every road though out Quebec. They don't seem to have a construction schedule...more like they just release crews into the night and yell dig. By the time we hit Montreal they had closed the 40 (main highway) and we had to take a service road...losing an hour but confirming the myth that Frenchies love to yell. The culture on the service road that night was rich....Honking of horns, people darting out in traffic yelling and the man beside us that I like to call Mr. Tabornac. This guy had his fists up shouting Tabornac...honk AHHHH Tabornac...lol For those whom are not French Tabornac is a french curse, would be equivalent to our Fuck.

On the second day we passed through a small town called Donna Cona. They had the most beautiful little seaside homes with stone siding...so pretty. As we drove by I thought about how amazing it would be to live directly on the ocean like that. To be able to whale watch from your breakfast table, truly fantastic. Another point of interest was every ones obsession with the mail. We witnessed many folks waiting at the end of their driveways in anticipation for the mailman. Some we saw running from their home to gather the mail. One man in particular took his time as he waltzed down his driveway in only his bikini briefs...an image that we never leave me. I don't understand the excitement surrounding mail, but they certainly look forward to it...like Christmas everyday! We actually were lucky enough to see two whales on our ferry ride at Tadoussac...amazing.

We frequently stopped at many Tim Hortons along the way and we're exposed to an odd occurrence. Hubby would order the coffees and then the lady would ask, " do you want a straw"? as she hovered a plunging tool over the coffees.

Hubby: What? No

Lady: No Straw....starring at hubby like his face was on inside out.

Hubby: No Thanks

As he was walking out, he looked around he saw a sea of people with coffee cups with a straw in it. I finally asked a lady at the Provigo as she stated that they do it because the coffee is too hot. This made no sense to me as the straw has no cooling affects. You are now literally sucking the hot coffee from the bottom of the cup. I could not accept this as a valid answer...she was clearly just on the bandwagon and not aware of why. I later found out it is because they don't want to actually open the coffee when they are driving so they use the straw...no spillage. Yeah, no....I'll take the risk of 3rd degree tit burns...suck my Tims from a straw, sacrilege!

The actually stay with the g-parents was great. They were so thrilled to see us and Iris. She put years on their lives for sure. They got a kick out of her being able to speak French and all her little antics. It was sheer joy and bliss for them.

The g-parents have a guest bed up stair and downstairs both super twin which equals super tiny when you are use to a King. I therefore took the upstairs and Hubby the downstairs. I slept well except for the trip to the can every 45 minutes. Not me, Pepere. He got up every 40-45 minutes to piss. It would not have been that bad if it weren't for the fact that he requires a walker to get around. I would wake to him getting up with a collection of small noises old people make and shuffling out of his room and down the hall to the bathroom, but not before he takes out every door frame along the way. He would get to his bedroom door and hook a wheel on the frame and instead of backing up for a second attempt, he would just continue to plow and push through until he was clear. Good God man....crash, shake, crash, bang, rattle, crash...shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, turn....crash, shake, crash, bang, rattle, crash....shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Oh lord he is finally in the bathroom, but not out of the woods yet....KABOOM. My heart would stop every time....what the fuck....the old man must be in the tub. Nope when he gets to his 3 foot elevated toilet seat he throws the walker out of his way and it hits the tub. Son of a mother, I was there for four nights and every night I was convinced he had fallen. His piss was also filled with muffled commentary and farts...then the procedure back to the bed starts all over again....whole process 18 minutes. Not much sleep on this vacation that's for sure. Side note, I am not expert on geriatric navigation, but turning on a light may have helped him.

Over all we had a great time and so lucky to have grandparents in our Thirties. We left with an emotional goodbye and were on our way back home. I think for me it was hard to say goodbye to Memere, because I really bonded with her and since I lost my Nana whom I was so close to, it felt so nice to share that kind of relationship with someone else. If felt as thought I was having to say goodbye to my Nana all over again....kinda sad but would not have traded the experience for the world.

5 workdays

2007-08-14T16:04:00.000-05:00

I meant to post this before my holidays, but ran out of time. I am a firm believer in not wasting a good blog and much like Aimee, I have unpublished blogs rolling around in my head and the only way to rid them is to post.

My last week before my vacation was a nutty one and I had many strange things happen to me so I figured that I would put the events to music. As you read the following events sing the Christmas carol tune of 12 days of Christmas.

On the first day of my work week the crazy things I see,

One pair of red dirty hooker knickers.

On the second day of my work week the crazy things I see,

Two steaming piles of human feces

and a pair of red dirty hooker knickers.

On the third day of my work week the crazy things I see,

Three cockroach "hotels"

Two steaming piles of human feces

and a pair of red dirty hooker knickers.

On the forth day of my work week the crazy things I see,

Four condom wrappers

Three cockroach "hotels"

Two streaming piles of human feces

and a pair of red dirty hooker knickers.

On the fifth day of my work week the crazy things I see,

F-i-v-e Pig-eon Car-cass-es

Four condom wrappers

Three cockroach "hotels"

Two steaming piles of human feces

a-n-d a p-a-i-r o-f r-e-d dir-ty hook-er knic-kers!

(taking a bow to your applause)

Yep...that was my work week...the topper was the red dirty hooker knickers that I found in our ladies washrooms. Picture me off to the washroom to brush my teeth after my 2pm coffee. I am brushing away when I look over to spot a red pair of dirty hooker knickers laying there on the floor not even four feet away from me. I had to take a double look, I mean that is not what I expected to see when I looked over. So I now have my toothbrush in my mouth and feeling a little nausea about nasty panties sharing the same air as my mouth.

I naturally reach into my pocket and pull out my cell to take a picture, as no one will believe me (you all think I exaggerate). As I am leaving the washroom I am troubled by the notion of what had occurred before I enter the facilities. I understand accidents happening. I am not better than everyone else...I too have been ill and shit myself, it happens. However, if your knickers are so soiled that you are no longer able to keep them on your body, do your really think that tossing them onto a public bathroom floor is the best idea. There clearly is a waste receptacle available and really a better choice for all.

I call them dirty hooker knickers as there seemed to be no clear soilage so they must be random sex panties. I am shocked by little, but this one certainly caused me to raise a brow and write a blog.

Tagged: Random facts

2007-07-27T08:00:00.000-05:00

The Rules: Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The game rules are posted at the beginning of the post. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment to let them know they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

Thanks Brianne....

I smell everything! It's true I cannot help myself and most of the time I don't even know that I am doing it. My sister and hubby were sitting on the couch with me one night watching TV, when they witnessed sniff the flyer I was reading. I admit that it is weird, and I am not sure why I sniffed a flyer, but I know what one smells like and it was a source of amusement for my family. I also know how my car cell charger smells before and after use...
Christmas is my ultimate favourite time of the year. In fact I sing Christmas carols year round...my favourite, Let it snow! I become a gentler kinder me. I love the baking, the visiting family and friends, the cards, the pretty gift wrapping, the good food and drink, the excitement of the little kids....everything about it really. I get super nostalgic and forgiving of all those whom I have ill feelings towards. If you wants back in my good books you should try to encounter me at the holidays after a glass of wine.

I am an over analysing, super organizing, list loving, neat freak...also known as a complete joy to live with. I cannot watch a program or commercial without uttering the words, "as if"... This then leads into a detailed break down of why the events unfolding before me are not realistic and complete bullshit. Hubby loses his mind every time and starts the crazy downward hands motions while he states, "God babe, it is strictly for entertainment purposes". Well, I don't find it entertaining and I also don't enjoy how easy it is to solve the CSI crimes within the first 20 minutes...Jesus! In Addition to analyzing, when I am stressed or upset I make lists of things to do then obsessively clean and organize...it brings me sweet joy...hubby, not so much.

I hate the sun...it's pure evil. I believe in SPF 6000 and lots of shade. I am pastie and proud of it. Tanning beds and oils should be banned....Jesus Christ, respect your skin. I see all these tanned wrinkled old people that look like dried dates and think to myself...that's some tan, she looks 60, but I bet she's 18. PS, Bleached platinum hair and the island tanned skin on a white girl is out! Bo Derek has returned to the ocean she once emerged from, get over yourself.

I get frick'n delirious if I go without a beverage for too long. I will go into a full blown fit of buckled over hysterical laughter accompanied with nasal snorts. I am completely taken over when the fits occur and unable to function. Although amusing, it is very unfortunate when I am driving on the QEW or moving large pieces of furniture. Note: Very embarrassing when I happens and I am alone...I look like I have mental health issues.

I am one funny bitch and I am proud to admit it. I enjoy making people laugh and entertaining them with my quick wit.

My real name is Katherine, but I go by Kate and my nick names are KIT KAT and Snakes, but I have also answered to Ralph, Sherman and Lang in the past.

Random health facts: I was 3 weeks over due and my mom and I almost died at my birth. I had croup every winter until I was 14 and whooping cough twice. I suffer from migraines. I have exceptional hearing. I broke my tailbone 3 times, fractured my skull and fractured 5 vertebrates in my back and neck. I have had a collapsed lung. I lost my first tooth at 7 (pulled) first real loss at 8 and I still have 2 molars that are baby teeth. I still have my appendix, but was never born with tonsils and I could die from a bee sting.

I never claimed to be right...you should all nodding your heads.

Who to tag that Brianne hasn't.....I think many on my friends list have done this already....

Hubby Jeff Jay

Respect my authoritah!

2007-07-25T08:33:00.000-05:00

The Toronto Park Authority has got me by the tits. I have a permit to park at work and have had one every month since 2001. I had to give my permit spot up to a coworker when I left for maternity leave and since returning all hell has broken loose. A request was put in to get my permit reinstated, I was notified that there were outstanding infraction fines. To which I protested and ignored as I know that I have no outstanding tickets....besides they issued my a permit for April, May, June and July...so whatever.

My employer has been going back and forth with them and yesterday she informs me that the fines need to be paid before July 20th or my permit will be sold off to the public...yesterday was the 24th....

So my boss has handed me a report outlining my fines....

First infraction - expired time in green P lot on 5th/6th street - October 11, 2002...$3.25
Second Infraction - expired time in Green P lot on 7th street - July 17, 2006....$10.00

So lets work this out. According to the parking authority lady ALL fines must be paid each month or the following months permit will not be issued.

October 2002...I have had a permit since 2001 that is issued every month, therefore A) why would I then be parking in a paid lot when I have a permit to park behind my building and B) how have a managed to get permits issued every month up to this point?

July 2006...well my boss had to first tell me where 7th street lot was, and after discovering that it was south of Lakeshore and down the street, I said, "stop...listen to what you're saying....I am the laziest S.O.B ever...I would never park down the street to walk back to here". It's not me. A stronger fight is that during the time of the infraction I was on a Maternity leave. I don't live in Toronto and I don't travel to Toronto unless I am going to work. So how could I have parked in a lot that was unknown to me during my Mat leave. I did come into the office for a visit twice which both times I parked at the meters right outside the office doors....again lazy.

My boss took all this to the parking lady and basically she couldn't give a rats ass. It can't be fought and she is no longer interested in entertaining my plead...so I will be paying it I guess.

I know it is only $13 bucks...Thank God it could be more and according to parking lady...you will bend over and respect my authoritah!

QEW PIG!

2007-07-19T12:38:00.000-05:00

This morning I was 10 minutes into my highway commute, left lane typical drive, when the silver VW Passot rolls down the window (automatic of course) and flings a wrapper out of his car. Up goes the window and he carries along with his drive.

My jaw is resting on my steering wheel. What the hell is wrong with people. Is littering not one of the fundamental rules we learn as a child.

we do not hit
we do not lie
we do not bite
we do not pinch
we do run with scissors
we wait a half hour after eating before swimming
we do not play with matches
we do not talk to strangers
we look both ways
WE DO NOT LITTER

We all know these rules yet the prick in front of me seems to think that the world outside of his precious car is his own personal toilet. Although I cannot remember the last time a threw a breakfast bar wrapper down the toilet, but I digress. I am now driving along fuming thinking this guy is a menace to society if he so easily tosses aside these simple social norms.

The next thing, down goes the window, out stretched is the arm and ditches a paper of some sort...a note or list if you will. I now am in complete shock. I mean this guy is just cleaning out his car and making a mockery of the rules. I would have loved to have slammed on my horn until he got the point, but I am a mother of a young child and being shot or knifed at the roadside is not an option...so I blog.

This piss ant drove right into Etobicoke dumping shit out of his car as he went merrily along. I did drive up along side of him before I got off and gave him the head shake of disgust, but that message wouldn't have made it through if I had actually grabbed him by his giant melon and shook it myself. I continued to work daydreaming about having a sunroof, pulling in front of him and unload the contents of my car out the hatch at a buck 130 or OHH OHH traffic stops and he is now behind a waste management truck and all of a sudden kaboom...his pretty car in buried in a mountain of crap...nobody injured of course. Haha...yeah that one is a good one...KAAABOOOM tee hee!

Sadly, he was my age and quite frankly my generation knows better than that. I had thought that we were more green forward, but he ruined that idea for me. He's just a self centered, lying, biting, eat while swimming, running with scissors, j-walking, talk to strangers, fire starting, litter pig with an immaculately detailed car.

Fan Club!

2007-07-18T13:49:00.000-05:00

How nice is it on a Wednesday afternoon of an insane week to have a co-worker show up at your office door with flowers. Yep, flowers to me from her.

Morganna: Lays flowers on my desk

Me: Morganna! What is this...you did not need to do this.

Morganna: A little sunshine for you!

I have a little fan club here at work and she is in the top 10 for sure! She is a wonderful and strong woman who means a great deal to me. I have learned a lot from Morganna and she is always willing to sit and have a chat with me. She probably deserves the flowers more that I do, but I appreciate the sincere thought and spark of beauty the flowers have brought to my otherwise grey office.

Thank you Morganna you are wonderful!

Rich people hire painters!

2007-07-16T08:29:00.000-05:00

After three years of living in a builder white house, we finally decided to paint. My dear hubby is all about the white, he loves white paint and white walls...lazy and unimaginative if you ask me.

Two weekends ago we painted the main level...big job, but it looks great. This weekend was the upstairs and the insane hallway leading upstairs. The Hallway is very high and we had originally decided that we would just pay someone to do it as neither one of us is experienced enough or have the equipment needed for the job. When Hubby's dad (WOP extraordinaire) heard this he said, "forget that I can do it...no problem I have the multi ladder and it will be easy. Don't waste your money". I think he believes that we would rather pay someone because we are too lazy, but whatever.

Cut to Saturday morning. My hubby is up on the staircase trying to configure this 8 in one ladder. When it fails he calls over his dad. Then the two of them are on the staircase with a ladder. I am in the ensuite painting when I hear CRASH...I ask my sister what is happening.

Sarah: Ummm Mark is lying on the floor
Me: Jesus fuck..is he okay (getting down from my ladder)
Sarah: I don't know I think he tripped up the stairs
FIL: Nope he fell off the ladder
Me: Babe are you okay
Hubby: Lying with his head in his hands...yeah I am winded
FIL: I am surprised the banister held up...lol
Me: Dad he is not to be on a ladder...he's an idiot without a helmet!

Everyone returned to painting and hubby peeled himself off the floor. On a side note the hallway looks great and in total hubby fell off the ladder 3 times...FIL nil.

Sarah a.k.a the Paint Witch, thankfully yet against her own will came to help us for the weekend. Took her a little bit to get into the groove with being distracted by the caulk and all, but she was indeed a big help. Even though her lack of painting skills equals a lot of touch ups for me. I know she snuck downstairs a few times I think for nourishment and beverage. She was complaining about being dizzy to which I replied with the my painting motto...Less complaining more painting!

I get focused and obsessive about projects of this nature...must carry on...must finish. I am a perfectionist I'll admit it...I am nuts but the two that I was working with are not. I too did not eat or drink and for those of you who have had the pleasure of hanging out with me during these times (Heather)...you know that without beverage I can get very giddie and loopy. This occurred many times throughout the day. I think I provided everyone some much needed entertainment. There is a downside to such dehydration...it burns when you pee...lol.

My hubby did sabotage my painting by distracting my with outings, so I was unable to finish everything. I still need to do all the trim in the hallway and upstairs. Also the office needs to be painted and everything needs to be put back in its place. I was lying in bed last night trying to get to sleep. I was tossing and turning just so unable to get comfortable. Hubby finally asked what my issue was. I tried to explain that I cannot sleep when order has not be restored. He laughed, patted me on the shoulder and returned to his slumber. It is true though, I hate an unfinished project and until the last picture is hung and all the paint cans closed up...I will not be at rest.

TOM TOM

2007-07-10T08:49:00.000-05:00

We were invited to attend my aunt's birthday party in New Market back in June. I decided that we would leave early and stop at a nursery just outside of New Market to pick her up a gift certificate. Hubby decided that this would be a great opportunity to use his newest gadget TOM TOM. I had already called the nursery to confirm that they existed and whether or not they took debit...yes to both. I later went to their website to look up the address and noticed that they had GPS coordinates. This excited hubby and within minutes they were plugged into the TOM TOM.

Now lets discuss this little (or not so little) gadget. TOM TOM is the software, but hubby being the geek he is has made his own from random and spare parts. Not the sleek and elegant system that retails to the public, but rather this hideously large and awkward situation that rests between the gear shift and console. It also lacks accessories such as a stylist and instead hubby uses a chopstick to navigate his way through the touch screens. Of course this requires a slight tilt to be able to see the screen which requires one hand to steady the unit and one hand to operate the hi-tech chopstick....real safe.

Cut to the family in the SUV traveling down the 407 merrily on their way to New Market. All of a sudden the voice prompt for the unit...we''ll call her Anne.

Anne: Exit Right
me: What, why, aren't we taking the 407?
Hubby: Yeah, she wants us to take the 403 to the 401 to the 400
Anne: Exit right in 4km
Me: But we are on the 407
Anne: Exit Right now
Hubby: I know but..
Anne: Exit now!
Hubby: She is wanting the 401 route.

So we continue with the 407 and the unit is flipping maps and trying to reconfigure what we have done. Anne gets herself back on track and we carry on towards our destination. At canal rd. Anne is back.

Anne: Exit Right in 3 km
Anne: Exit right
Anne: Next left turn left
Anne: Turn left
Anne: veere right in 4km
Anne: Veere right
Anne: Next left turn left
Anne: Turn Left
Anne: You have now reach your destination

Horse shit....We are sitting out in the middle of nowhere...fields.

Me: your TOM TOM sucks ass
Hubby: I am following the coordinates that you gave me.
Me: No, Anne doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground.

We continue driving. What the hell are we going to do now. We need a gift for my aunt. Where the hell are we going to go now. Hubby whips out his chopstick and is now looking for points of interest and finds snowball nursery and garden centre. Off we go. We finally arrive in town and it looks promising.

Anne: Next left turn left
Anne: Turn left

We carry on

Anne: Next right turn right
Anne: Turn right
Anne: you have now arrived at your destination
Me: the fuck we have.

We are in what will be a new housing development in a few months. Seriously, Anne needs to pull her head out of her ass.

Hubby: The maps are not able to know when a destination has become a building development.
Me: Then what is the point of having a navigation unit. I could get us lost the old fashion way.

So hubby is now looking up another point of interest....

We did this six time before we found a great one 2 blocks from my aunts home by chance on our own. Thanks for nothing Anne!

He now wants to take is shitty little unit to Quebec with us...No harm I guess, I'll send post cards...I hear Newfoundland is beautiful this time of year!

Pick your seat!

2007-06-28T08:09:00.000-05:00

I was listening to the Derek the Blind Movie Reviewer on the the edge this morning and realized that there are several movies out that I would be interested in seeing. Most people would just plan to go see a flick this weekend, but I have issues with going to the movies. In fact that last time I was in the movie theater was to see White Chicks.

I have a phobia about my personal space. I don't mind having my friends or family entering my "safety circle", but random individuals...that's another story.

I never go to a movie the first three weeks of being released. A sold out theater is my inner circle of hell. If I do actually go to a theater I like to be there early so that I can scope out the joint and get a suitable seat. Picking a seat is take serious consideration. I don't want to be to close to the front, I have no interest in the DNA rows which are the famous back rows...I was a teen I know first hand what goes on there, it should be quarantined. I like the short rows that have only 3 or 5 seats in them. This lessens the chance of having some irritating fuck sit down beside me.

I remember being out with hubby for a date night and we went to the show. I cannot even tell you what we saw, how sad. I like to claim that I have ADD, but in reality I am just impatient and easily distracted. I remember the theater being quite full, but we were able to find suitable seating in one of the short rows. So the movie is just about to start and this guy comes over and parks his ass right beside me. I sort of look over my shoulder and to the side to seem if indeed this was the only available seat, it was not. I would never cozy up to someone that I didn't know, his thought process when he selected his seat was clearly the furthest from mine.

His guy we'll call him Dick, has taken over the arm rest and now I am sitting there squashed between my hubby and Dick as the lights dim. Sitting in the dark with a random stranger brushing up against your arm is a complete violation of personal space. About a half hour has passed and I am trying to focus on the movie and hopefully laps into my happy place when Dick starts moving around and getting restless. I look over and he is now digging in his knapsack. He pulls out a can of pop, cracks it open and places a straw in it. Super....I thought that when he came in with no food that this was my silver lining, but I was wrong, he's just cheap.

Back to the movie....crowd laughing, someone coughs, oops someone else coughs, another, then another! Good Lord shut up...TB is spreading like wild fire apparently, must be something that mutated from the DNA rows.

okay...movie focus....crowd laughing, I am lost due to the excessive coughing but I think I can pick it up. She love him, he loves....Russel, no wait he doesn't love Russel, Dick is rustling again. I look over and good old Dick has dug out a ziplock bag of baby carrots. He is ramming 2 in at a time in his bong hole. Crunch crunch crunch.....heavy nasal breathing.....Crunch crunch crunch....heavy nasal breathing...Crunch, oh I am going to lose my mind. Hearing someone chewing is my ultimate pet peeve. It really makes me want to harm people. Dick proceeds with his snack.

Okay Okay movie...right...I sit twitching with every crunch and am desperately wanting to get lost in this movie, but I so distracted. Look over at hubby...fixated. Okay you can do this. We must be an hour in or more by now. She loves him, he may love her, this girl...I don't know who she is, why are they in the desert now, they were in the city? Oh he's having flashbacks to the desert, no he's dreaming we're okay their in the city....SSLLUURRPPP!!!!!!!

Dick is going to town on that straw and is trying ever so hard to get that very last drop. See Dick, See Dick chase a drop of pop around the bottom of the can, See dick lose consciousness, See Kate twitching with a bloody fist. I didn't really hit him, but I wanted to!

I have now lost all interest and hope in ever understanding the plot to this movie. Everyone else including hubby and Dick seem to be enjoying it. I guess the best I can do is sit here and try to assume myself without harming Dick. I am getting anxious and can think of a thousand things I could be doing instead of this. I start getting restless myself and then it occurs to me that my feet are stuck to the floor. What the hell, as I peel my shoes up from the stick. That's disgusting, are they not cleaning this place between shows. I am sure one would notice pop running down the rows, I guess not! Oh God I hope it is pop and not run off from the DNA rows. I wonder how many dirty arms have been on these arm rest? Peel my feet up again, "that is some serious stick". Oh God that gross. I bet I am sitting in a fart seat. Yep that is a seat that has been repeatedly farted in...sick. I can feel myself getting hot and just as I about to bolt from the theater the lights come up. There is a calming hum from everyone talking about the movie. I look over at Dick and he is packing up his knapsack, hubby interrupts my snarling glare and asks me how I liked the movie? I basically shovel him into the isle and stated, "it was frick'n wonderful...2 hours and 15 minutes that I'll never get back!

Look out Bikini Villiage!

2007-06-27T11:34:00.000-05:00

I am not sure what everyone else purchases at the grocery store, but I can tell you there is nothing fun on our list. I was at the local Fortino's on Sunday with baby girl to pick up a few things and I couldn't help but notice what people had in their carts in my line. It was amazing...I was gaining weight just standing beside it all.

We have a motto in our home, "If it's white, it ain't right". Basically this translates into whole wheat multi grain everything. Everyone knows of my husbands obsession with fibre and I am obsessed with everything healthy. We (no kidding) spend at least 30-50 dollars on produce a week sometimes more depending the season. I am gawking at the carts cookies, ice cream, crackers, chips, frozen meals.......drool. There is absolutely none of that in my house, okay I have thinsations for cookies (lunches), mini chef ice cream bars (so tiny) for ice cream and this week I treated myself to a pack of buckwheat noodle and a tin of lychee fruit. I bet you all want to come for a sleepover eh!

I have been back to work of 10 weeks now and every day I bring my lunch which consists of a container of fruit (raspberries, blue berries, strawberries, sometimes grapes, mango or water melon), and a sandwich usually a slice of turkey breast with honey mustard on a PC bun. I might have a pack of thinsations later and another coffee. Yep that's lunch, breakfast and dinner are just as exciting.

Last week I was back at the specialist and he weighed me....I am down 15.5 oz IN 9 WEEKS!!!! Look out Bikini Village here I come. I was thinking of picking up something strapy so that I look like a strung roast!
Are you fucking kidding me. I'm eating fricking rabbit food and being ever so careful as my coworkers are ramming takeout down their bong holes and I have only lost in ounces. Previous blogs would indicate that I don't exercise, but who does really? I don't really know anyone that hits the gym or fitness routine religiously.

The cardiologist says that my test all came back fine and that there is no indication of heart problems so I was probably right to think that I am suffering from anxiety attacks....yeah thanks. However, he would like to do one more stress test....baaahaaa! Yep, this one will be the same as the last, but I will have an ultrasound on my heart before and immediately after the test. If this shows no issues then I am fine. I cannot imagine that my experience will be any better. I look forward to all the tape and the gentle pep talk the fitness technician!

Magnets, Stickers and Bureaucracy

2007-06-20T08:06:00.000-05:00

With the state that the world is in today, who would imagine that little magnets and stickers would be top priority and leading controversy. I of course am referring to the latest issues brought forth by City Council ending the "unofficial, unapproved" one year support-the-troops decal campaign.

Last year the fire fighters, EMS and other front line emergency staff (plus many citizens), decided to display their supports for our Canadian troops by purchasing and placing yellow ribbon magnets and stickers on their vehicles. Many of these emergency workers are ex-military themselves and the gesture is purely to support the men and women currently fighting in Afghanistan, those who have fought the previous wars and in tribute to those who have fought and died for our freedom.

There was mention in one article by a local Council member that the purchase of some of the magnets and stickers where made our of public tax payers money without the city's approval. Uh, interesting. Now City Council is worried about where our tax money is going. Really how much would the decals have cost...few grand for all of them. Seriously, I much rather have it go to that, then another pay increase for Mayor Miller. I would say that the City Council members and politicians have no right to point fingers at this matter regarding tax payers dollars. When is the last time any of them paid for a dinner, drove to Ottawa, or flew coach....but I digress.

I have mixed feelings about the war in Afghanistan, I do agree that we need to defend our national security, but I am not sure how I feel about our Canadian troops being there and being aligned with the U.S.. I think Bush is a very scary man, with short man, small penis complex and way too much power...a modern day Hitler...a side blinker (not quite human. Eyelids close side to side when they blink instead of up and down). I don't agree with much of anything he says and it is unreal that he is running such a massive country.

What I do know is that I quite frankly don't have the balls to leave my family, go abroad and fight of my own freedom. These people have chosen this as their career and I support them in their choice. I am therefore very grateful for all those who have, and continue to do so on my behalf.

I don't display public support for anything really, it's not my style, but I do understand and am not offended by those who do. City Council may want to stop and think about the 57 soldiers so far that have been sent home for final resting since this war began. Maybe while they are bickering back and forth today over the vote and God damn bureaucracy, they could stop and think about the young bride weeks away from giving birth to her first child, who had to stand and wait on the tarmac while her husband is carried off a plane in a casket.

No one can tell me that they do not feel for that woman and her family. We have all seen the media coverage and felt sadness for these families and thank God that it wasn't our own. Because of these courageous people making the conscious career choice to be in the military, Canada currently does not have mandatory drafting in affect. Get over yourself and research what people are actually supporting here before you run your big political mouths offs about something you clearly know nothing about.

Just read...3 more will be returning home this week for final resting.

What's happening here?

2007-06-12T12:10:00.000-05:00

I drive by this ad every morning on my way to work. This morning like many other mornings traffic stops just about in fornt of the billboard and I am forced to stare and analyze it.

Maybe some of you would like to offer up your interpretation of the events unfolding here.

I am puzzled as to what exactly is transpiring. What is the message that I am suppose to take away from this advertisement? It is an ad for retirement living. The senior in the red, has a firm two handed grasp on the first young boy's forearm and is pulling him towards her. The second boy in blue, has his hands and arm wrapped around the boy in the middles arm and is pulling him back. What the hell? Is this a disturbing game of monkey in the middle or tug-a-boy? I just don't understand the message. How does this reflect the retirement lifestyle. I am getting a message that the seniors are feeling unappreciated and neglected and living in a far off land. Therefore they lure and steal young children for their companionship, modern day Hansel and Gretel.

Exercise

2007-06-06T07:38:00.000-05:00

I thought I would share my experience with a stress test I had. Last week I was scheduled to have a stress test which on my list of things I'd like to do, is right up with root canal and being shot in the foot.

So I get to my appointment and I am notified that the doctor is running late and will be in at an undetermined time. I didn't really care as it is the technician that is doing the test and not the doctor, but then I hear..."So we cannot start the test until he is here, as he must be on site in case we need to use the defibrillator"! Right, the defibrillator...okay I'll wait then. So I am sitting there for the next hour thinking what the hell type test is this that I may or may not require a defibrillator intervention. So my anxiety is kicking in overtime which is the whole reason I am even seeing a cardiologist. As I sit and stew, finally the doctor arrives and the test may start!

So I am ushered into this little room in the back hall which is smoking hot due to the massive window with no shades and has a smell similar to that of a jock strap. The technician with a strong Polish accent asks me to remove everything from the waist up! What! I was specifically told to wear something comfortable (yoga pants and a tee) so why remove it.

Tech: Yes, must remove shirt and bra
Me: really, remove my bra?
Tech: yes, yes, bra too and put on paper apron and she leaves the room

So I am thinking to myself, no bra on a treadmill with triple D tits. This should be interesting.

Now I have this apron on and of course it does not close, because it is made for A/B cup person and the Tech returns.

Tech: Oh, ah, yes, this not close. What we do....ah I know. She runs out and runs back in holding a roll of bandaging tape. I put this on to close front, like buttons haha.
Me: I say you know what would be a better idea is if we took that tape and strapped my tits to my chest!
Tech: I don't know what you speak of...okay apron closed.

So she takes my blood pressure and discovers that the cuff is torn and is not holding well. So she wraps my arm and cuff with several passes of the tape and says, there we go. I questioned if she had another cuff or machine, but she assured me it was fine. So she proceeds with taking my BP and concludes that it is high.

Tech: Oh number is high. You have high blood pressure?
Me: No
Tech: you nervous?
Me: Yep...Inner thoughts, Well I just signed a waiver as 1/1000 have a heart attack during this test. I am standing here bra less and hooked up to a dozen wires about to meet my nemesis and you have the BP cuff taped to my arm. What number did you expect?
Tech: okay you get on treadmill
Me: I should warn you, I have serious motion sickness. I do not cope well with things moving not under my own power. I am not a fan of treadmills.
Tech: no worry get on.

So I am going along and she starts talking about my work and what I do and being back to work and my heart rate is going up.
She tells me that this is basic exercise heart rate should be normal. Then lets not talk about work.

For those of you who have not had the stress test there are four stages and you start at a leisurely walk and progress to a jog/run. Just to note all stages are uphill and the degree also increase with each level. I live in the burbs, there is not much up hill unless I hit the escarpment.

Tech: You exercise?
Me: No! Inner thoughts...of course it do, just look at this ripping body. I am a Gold's Gym junkie. What the hell type question is that.
Tech: You must exercise!
Me: Well I never had to until I got married. Now I am packing it on. I run after a kid and keep a house, that's my exercise.
Tech: 5...4...3...2...1...faster
Me: Inner thoughts....Holy fuck. How is this speed a natural progression? You go from strolling to mall walker on crack.
Tech: See you need exercise
Me: okay, I need exercise...established thank you. However, I am here to take this test to prove that I am having anxiety attacks and rule out that I am having non fatal heart attacks, okay.

So we are now kick'n it up hill even more and I guess most people are either loving this or having chest pain, but my neither. Instead I am experiencing the worst burning in my calves from walking uphill and the running shoes I am wearing are pinching my baby toes. I dug them out of the closet and actually had never worn them before...I should have worn my Birks!

Tech: Chest pain?
Me: No my calves are cramping.
Tech: See exercise
Me: Crazy giggle...inner thought, I swear to God lady, you say that one more time and I am going to tape you to this son of a bitch and take it to 11!
Tech: would you like to stop?
Me: Nope. Cut to inside my head. Would I like to stop? ummm options. Not can I keep going or do I need to stop. Would I LIKE to stop? Yes I would. I would indeed LIKE to stop. Seeing that I am limping and looking a lot like a woman with Polio on a treadmill, oh and lets not forget that my tits are sweating and completely out of my control and if she mentions exercise one more time I will no longer be able to guarantee her safety. Yes I would like to stop.
Tech: In 30 seconds we will be at level 3...much faster. Would you like to stop?
Me: faster, uh. Inner dialogue, Well that will take this wee jaunt to a full scale jog, which will be uphill of course. I have already busted through my tape "buttons" that situation can only get worse. I am hotter that hell and seriously my burning calves won't enjoy the jog. It would also scar my theory that one should only run went their life is in jeopardy and seeing that I don't see a bear in here.... Yep I am out. I have been here too long to get any of this time back and quite frankly my chest is not hurting and I haven't had the defibrillator intervention so I think my time here is done.
Tech: 15 seconds to faster. Would you like to stop?
Me: Yes, Yes I would like to stop.
Tech: Yes, stop?
Me: Yep
Tech: But you're not done, your chest hurt?
Me: nope, my calves kill
Tech: okay stopping

So it is over and I am happy. I put my bra and tee back onto my sweaty body and heading home for a shower as I should have been at work an hour ago. Just as I am walking out she yells...make sure exercise!

Seriously, that is one brave bitch and in the hall all alone I extend my arm above my head and toss her the bird as I walk out.

Inked

2007-05-25T20:07:00.000-05:00

Last tax year after baby girl was born, hubby decided that he was going to use part of the income tax return to get a new tattoo. Unfortunately with the new baby it was not responsible to use the money for a tattoo so I promised that this tax return he would get his tattoo!

He like the idea the nurse putting the baby's foot print on a piece of paper or a white tee shirt at the time of delivery, but wanted something a little more permanent.

So on Thursday he finally got inked.

Fresh ink always looks a little red and scabby, but will heal within a week.

Another job well done Peel!

We need to get out!

2007-05-20T21:10:00.000-05:00

Since being preggers previous years and now with baby girl in our lives, we don't party much on the long weekends anymore.

This weekend we went over to the garden store and did some work around the house. Baby girl gave us a hand and enjoyed the weather and the time home with us. We were debating going out this evening but hubby preferred to stay in so he started some laundry and I checked my face book. I thought that this was a little boring and we should do something fun with the weekend, but whatever, until hubby got up to get a snack. He comes back to the couch with a bowl of Bran Buds and milk.

me: enjoying the buds
hubby: yep, they're good
me: yeah, not bad
hubby: they keep me regular and I get my daily intake of fiber in this one bowl.
me: looks of horror and then laughter....

Oh my God, What the hell has happened to us? When did the biggest party weekend turn into fibre fest?

TFS

2007-05-17T19:02:00.000-05:00

I am going to come right out with it, I have been suffering all day with a serious case of TFS. Yep, Trapped Fart Syndrome!

I had a little rumbling this morning, but there were people in my office and wasn't able to excuse myself. So I sat there and held it. Of course it was uncomfortable, but I had no choice really. I am not completely sure of the logistic of a fart, but the rumbling subsided, although I could still feel the movement and building discomfort. I continued throughout my day and every time this fart tried to resurface I was in a meeting or with people and couldn't leave. The pressure turned into mad bloat and the discomfort, stabbing pain accompanied by the loudest most insane noises. Christ, I need to get into the bathroom and get rid of this before I pass out from pain and while I am down and unconscious rip a ripe one.

Cut to me in the washroom, I am alone, I am in pain and nothing... all rumbling and all urges halted. Of course, maybe if I grab a seat. So now I am in a stall having a little seat waiting for the big release.........waiting..........still waiting.........God Damn It!

Why is it that every time you get into a bathroom all systems fail...complete misfire. So now I have been in the washroom even too long for poop, so I must abandon this mission as I am on film. Yep one of our security cams are located right outside the bathroom and the front desk ladies like to watch it like it's a soap opera.

I open the door take four steps down the hall approaching a group of co-workers and WHAM it's back. Son of a mother. So I spent the rest of the day unsuccessfully trying to rid my body of this fart which by now has multiplied into what feels like a hundred trapped farts.

I practically ran to my car across the parking lot, got in and declared it to be officially the fart mobile. Unfortunately, not so much. I am fearful that they are trapped for good. I really just wish for a giant man fart, come on sweet relief.

Ick...please

2007-05-10T12:39:00.000-05:00

I know I am a sanitizing nutter and maybe my OCD has been heightened since having a child, but I am alarmed by the number of people who do not wash their hands!

I am back at work now and this means back to public washrooms...dear God. I have a problem with public washrooms as is, but in the past 4 weeks I have noticed many ladies peeing and fleeing.

Today I was in the washroom and I could clearly hear my stall buddy taking care of monthly feminine business (the wrappers are a give away). I continued on with my own business not thinking about next door, when I heard the toilet flush, the stall door open and the main door open and slam behind her. Ummmm sink, you walk right by them.

So now I am sitting there with my mouth wide open thinking my God, she did not wash her hands. She is now running throughout the building touching everything I might touch with her disgusting little period hands. Go ahead and give everything a lick over too. Oh my God, I could barf just thinking about it. Unfortunately or fortunately I did not get the chance to see if it was someone I worker with or a client. Someone I work with would be worse than a client as I don't touch client common items (pens, counter tops, key boards, phone ick ick ick), but a co-worker....we share everything (fax, copier, cabinet handles, files, Oh God must stop). Not to mention a loss of respect for them. Cut to the next potluck luncheon, little miss period fingers is offering you her handmade meatballs....barf. Oh really, just now a little barf in my mouth!

In case it were the latter, I am secretly running around with a lysol wipes. Oh I am paranoid alright!

For the love of all holy, ladies wash your damn hands. We are women, the more sophisticated and refined of the species. Just one round of happy birthday is as long as it takes.
I beg you I do not have enough time in my day to OCD.

Naked in my kitchen!

2007-05-03T08:35:00.000-05:00

This morning I awoke and started my morning routine; shower, dress and get Baby girl ready. I kissed hubby goodbye (still in bed) and made my way down to the kitchen. I was there about 10 minutes when I swung around to find my husband standing there naked in our sun filled kitchen. Our kitchen is not exactly private. I have horizontal blinds on the two windows, but the window on the garden door I keep bare to allow the maximum amount of light stream in. So there's hubby with his twig and berries hanging out for the world, while the young children behind us sit in fear as they eat their wee breakfast.

Me: babe, what the hell?
Him: I coming to feed the dog.
Me: you cannot come down here like this....hello naked
Him: This is how I come down every morning
Me: Oh My GOOODDDDD you are the fat naked guy off of Friends. I am married to that guy.
Him: what, I don't care
ME: clearly!

Needless to say I fed the dog, while I insisted that he stand in the other room with baby girl.
There is only something like forty feet between the neighbours and our house and some of them are on a higher elevation so they have the best seats for hubby's little show.

I wasn't so upset about it when he was doing it in the winter when it is still dark but now it is just inappropriate. I haven't even eaten yet for Christ Sakes. He hears me protest all the time about the neighbour behind us that thinks shirts are optional and that I don't need to be looking at the neighbours freckled back and love handles thanks. Yet here is hubby with his sac blowing in the morning breeze, while he lets the dog out and feeds her.

I especially love when hubby is on call with work (every third week) and he gets calls in the middle of the night. A call from a client requires hubby to use the phone and his laptop and in an attempt to not disturb the sleeping, hubby goes downstairs to work.

So off he goes sneaking downstairs at 4 in the morning, turns on the kitchen light and sits at our glass table with his laptop and phone in hand....naked! I wonder what the hell my neighbour thinks as she peers out the window while she waits for a bottle to heat up for her baby that has woken. To see naked guy on the phone and laptop at 4 am naked and tossing his balls around! She thinks OMG his poor wife!

Yep I forgot to mention, mostly because every woman that knows my husband knows he is the ultimate ball handler. I think it maybe a form of paranoid OCD.

Hubby's inner dialogue:
Have they fallen off? No they can't fall off.
But what if I am missing a nut? No I am sure they are both okay.
I should check, but I am standing in La Senza Girls leaning against a tweenie pantie display and my wife is way over there.... oh man.
(begins to get anxious) I am sure no one will notice if I do a quick inventory of my boys, will they?
Somethings not right though (sweating and bouncing on the spot slightly) They are heating up and beginning to itch. Maybe it's scrote cancer! Ahhh God the itch......AHHH, oh Yeah, that the shit...yep all is good here!

ME: Giving my hubby the death stare as he tosses around a handful of sac, while mothers quickly usher their girls out of the store in horror.

Him: What....

Bend me over, slap my ass and call me Alice

2007-05-01T09:21:00.000-05:00

I would like to give a big shout out in thanks to my government for the severe and malicious ass raping I received at the pump this morning. Apparently liquid gold was added to the gas supplies overnight explaining why gas is selling at 108. as oppose to 104.7 last night. Twenty five bucks this morning gave me just under a half tank which is pretty much enough to get me to and from work.

I lower my head in a moment of silence for those poor people in B.C. who woke up to a buck fifty at their pumps this morning…my sympathy goes out to you and your wallets.
If there was ever a time to think about buying a hybrid it would be now!

Tight Pants

2007-04-30T20:15:00.001-05:00

I am back at work and basically hit the floor running. I arrived to find two doe-eyed students standing in my office doorway....my summer staff. They are eagerly looking to me for instruction and orientation. Are they kidding me, do they know I had to ask the lady in the Tim Hortons drive thur speak what I wanted this morning?

As I was trying to string a sentence together and appear professional I was reminded of one of my first days at this place.

I was hired on every summer just as these two were, to work the summer program. This is the summer I met Merissa, my current boss just over 5 years ago. We were hired on together as the summer counsellors and met briefly at the interview. Really we were strangers.

I was getting ready the morning of my first day, the only day to make a first impression. I had decided that I was going to wear my favourite brown pants and a chunky cream cable knit sweater. When I got up that morning I realized that my favourite pants were a little snug. Okay snug is a poor choice of words seeing that I practically had to lie down to do them up, but they were my favourite and despite being tight...they didn't look tight, they actually looked good. (I was much skinnier then). I was running late and figured that they would loosen up over the day, as they were freshly washed...the ladies know what I am talking about.

As I was driving into work I was distracted by the uncomfortableness of my pants and began to think that I had made a fashion mishap, but I couldn't turn back now. I got to work and Merissa and I got the grand tour and staff introductions which took about an hour or so. I was beginning to feel the constriction of my pants so bad that it was 3 weeks before I learned have the names of the people on the tour. We returned back to our office and I was feeling like my pelvis was going to snap. Merissa (still clueless to my pant situation) and I got settled into our new office and then there it was....my chair! I began to sweat a bit, Merissa sitting and spinning around in her, asks whats wrong?
Me: what...distracted by the crushing pain.
Merissa: whats wrong have a seat
Me: right a seat, yeah in a bit
Merissa: did you want this desk
Me: no, no this is good. it's um, well ahh shit it's my pants.
Merissa: what
Me: my pants, I am wearing tight pants and I think I am doing internal damage as we speak.
Merissa: they don't look tight
Me: I know, they look good eh, But they might actually be the death of me
Merissa: is now killing herself

I ease down into my chair with a slight moan and while sitting on a 120 degree angle, try to figure out how the hell I am going to make it through the rest of my day. Tracy my best friend and boss at the time comes into the office and I am doing a shallow pant. The act of breathing was agonizing. Merissa informs her that I am wearing tights pants and not functioning. They are both laughing when I realize what the hell am I going to do if I need to pee? If I undo these pants it's over. I ask Tracy, as my best friend and someone who has committed to this relationship, if she is prepared to assist me in the washroom with getting my pants back on? Now her and Merissa are laughing and I am trying not to but the pain is making me delirious. I am serious, if I undo these pants I will never get them back up and it will be a tad obvious that I am walking around the office with my pants wide open. I am going to need help...I had visions of me rolling around on my back on the bathroom floor heaving on my zipper. I decided then that peeing was no longer an option, so I will forgo lunch and any beverage.

I spend the next two and a half hours pacing around our office moaning, "ohhh my pants, my tight pants". My mom calls and Merissa answers, she is laughing so hard that she can hardly stand. My mom is calling to check up on my first day. All I could manage to get out is, "ma somethings gotta give". I finally explain to her that I have the tightest pants in the world on and I might die. She informs me that I should have made a better selection. Why would I leave the house with tight pants, don't I know that that the body expands throughout the day. That they will just get progressively worst. What was I thinking? Merissa is killing herself.
Finally Tracy let us go home early as I swore I was internally bleeding. I drove home with my pants around my thighs and wore a sundress the next day.

Ladies my advise if the pants are snug, the shoes hurt while walking to the car or the sweater is itchy...it will NOT get any better and will only consume your day. On the flip side it will make you giggle at random times like during your orientation with new staff.

Witness protection program.

2007-04-25T14:49:00.000-05:00

Hubby and I have long discussed the idea of selling our current home and moving into something that will do us until we head over to shady pines. Something that our kids can call home forever, permanent roots. I would like a fourth bedroom, a finished basement, a larger yard, some windows (townhouse), but it is really just wishes at this point (are you taking notes Colleen). It's really a space issue for me. I am a neat freak and clutter is not allowed, even so I am feeling limited for space. I would think much of it has to do with baby girl and her endless supplies and such. This is our second home we have owned since we've been married and I see a pattern forming here.

I have had my fill of packing, unpacking and finding new places to put my crap. The last place I came home one Thursday night to find an agent sitting at my dining room table.
me- Hello
Hubby - Babe this is Joel, he's selling our house!
Me- Riiiigggghhht
Joel - It will be on the market Monday ( with a big smiling on his face)
hubby - great eh?
Me - riiigggghhhttt....babe bedroom now!

The place sold 7 days later and our belongings went into storage for a year.

It turns out that for once in his wee life my hubby was right and it was the push I needed. I hate to move. I hate everything about it and I hate the thought of putting baby girl through that over and over.

I mentioned in a post a while back that I moved a lot as a kid. Much like we were in the witness protection program. I have lived in ........moment to count....
16th street
Renforth
Silvershadow
Shale Oak
Toll Court
Jennings Cres
Walkers line
Grossbeak
and my Current address....haha stalkers!!!!!!!!!
nine homes.

I am 32 and my first move I was 9 years old....ohhhh spooky 9 again.
I remember 9 because I was at camp. Doe Lake, if you'd like details with the girl guides. I went away for the week. I remember packing all my things my shorts and tees with names tags ironed on the insides, toiletries, like I'd brush my teeth at nine if my mom wasn't there and my panties of course in case we baked!
What I don't remember was packing up any household items.

I had a great time away from home and Remember getting off the bus after a week away from home and running up to my parents, who were eagerly awaiting my arrival. We got in the car and as we drove I heard the words most of us would only think was a joke...Kate we moved.

me- moved what
mom- house, we moved to a new house
me- you moved, what about me
mom- you moved too
me- No I was at camp.

Yep my parents up and moved the week while I was away. They figured that it would just upset me if I knew before I went away. Not only did they move but they move to a completely different part of the city. I was not going to be able to go to the same school, or play with the same friends. I thank my parents now as we were living in Skidville, but I think the process did emotional damage and now I am Leary of moving and camping for that matter.

My moms favourite saying is, " yes we are moving, but it is only a 10 minute drive from the old place". My parents are currently living an hour and 20 minutes away from the house on 16th street!

Birthday Thank you

2007-04-02T19:51:00.000-05:00

I had another wonderful birhtday this year. On Friday night hubby took me out for dinner sans baby girl. I love her, but catering to her during a meal was not my idea of a nice night out.
We had a good time and many thanks to mu hubby for all his efforts in maing me happy!

On Saturday I was invited to Linda and Robs for a birthday dinner. The food and company was wonderful and I really had a great time. Many thanks to you Linda and your family for another wonderful occassion.

On Sunday we headed over to my folks place for a BBQ and some cake. The kids got a chance to play together and I had a really nice time.

Again many thanks to my friends and family for another great year...here's to many more.

Rocking in a corner

2007-03-21T14:06:00.000-05:00

It's true. I am moments away from being found in a corner rocking and humming in a chant like way. I am a neat freak and perfectionist which golden for a domestic goddess, but not so much for a mom to an 11 month old and a dog. The kid is not too much of an issue. I asked for her to be in my life and I love having her, so there is no choice when it comes to her happiness vs my need to clean she wins always. I make deals with myself, when she's awake she has the run of the house, when she goes down to sleep...I tidy up.

It is the dog....That hairy bitch is dropping fur like mad. I understand dogs shed, but this is unreal. I have never seen anything like it.

I was nutty about it when I was preggers....no hair, no hair must vacuum, must vacuum. I vacuumed about 2-3 times a day between the dog and the 2 cats I was going nuts. I have since rid my home of the cats and their fur, but the dog remains.

I keep the dog as it is not an all round situation, but merely 3 weeks twice a year. (lol)
Even so, I want to hurt my self especially now that baby girl is crawling and cruising around collecting it. I turn around for a second and she has found a ball of fur that she's trying to ingest. It is just everywhere and is hands down one of my biggest "pet" peeves. It's in my bed, on my clothing, all over baby girl and her stuff, in my kitchen...MY KITCHEN...please see "run get your panties" post, hair of any type does not belong in my kitchen. I swear to God I feel like I am going to cough a hair ball.

To all my family reading this, I assure you that the kitchen is cleaned every time I prepare food. I can just see my moms face now, "and she's having us over for a birthday party, good God I hope no one finds dog hair in the food". Put a Jewish swing on it, she pretends she part time Jewish when she appalled. The dog will not be here for the party, nor will her fur.

I have been pleading to hubby to shave the dog. He just laughs. In fact he thinks the whole situation is a riot. Is it wrong to shave a lab?

I cannot keep vacuuming twice a day. I have so much more to do. My sanity is truly being tested.

Welcome to my Days....

Hubby Tries to help and offered to brush the dog outside yesterday to ease my pain...not so much, as this is what I opened my door to this morning.

Yep that is a whack of fur there on my front step and a little more on the lawn at the bottom of my steps, along with a dirty fag. Honestly he is killing me slowly.

My front hall with tuffs of fur sticking along the closet doors and my kitchen floor...BARF!

And finally how my carpet looks now..................and how it will look in 2 hours from now.

Truly hell on Earth.

The tax man can kiss my ass!

2007-03-18T15:08:00.001-05:00

I fucking hate tax season. Every fucking year I owe. I use to get a couple hundred back when I was in high school and working a part time job, but it would seem those days are gone. The last time I got money back was in 1992. 1992, does this seem right to anyone.

I thought for sure I would get a refund this year seeing that I am on a non topped up mat leave and living in the red and pretty much no joke at the poverty line since April. Nope, I owe over a hundred bucks. I have friends that bring home a few thousand a tax time, what the fuck am I doing wrong.

When I am working full time I make 50K a year, I make monthly RRSP contributions which is matched by my employer, I have taxes deducted from my pay bi-weekly and union dues bi-weekly, and yet some how I owe. Might I also add that I do not qualify for GST either and nor did I qualify this year being on a mat leave. I am convinced that it is my husband and his stupid in the box tax software in combination with the fact that I got married and had a kid. I love my baby, but for everyone that said, "wait until your tax refund"...well they were full of shit or cheating on their taxes.

Now my husband gets money back he gets to claim baby girl (believe I squeezed that almost 10lb baby from my pelvis), but he made more. Even so he is still only getting several hundred (how the fuck are people getting a few thousand. Please if you have the answers I am listening), but it's money back, of course minus the money I owe, as I cannot afford to pay it.

I am grateful of this and our money is shared, but I am just pissed and honestly jealous of those couples who are able to bring home a refund of several hundred or couple of thousand each. Do you know what I could do with that money. Not to mention that I work and I work hard. I commute an hour each way on the damn QEW, to already bring home a fraction of what I agreed to be paid and then not even be able to have a refund to contribute back into my family. I might as well be June f'n Cleaver.

Friends- "oh what a nice deck"
Me- oh thanks it new...we were able to purchase it thanks to Ward's tax refund. He's my working man. (insert country club laugh)

Don't get me wrong. I would love to be a stay at home wife/mom. I am actually begging for this position, but I can't because we cannot afford it by any means. So if I have to work and then I should see something for it too.

Whatever, just feeling sorry for myself. I just thought that this year I would actually be able to get ahead, maybe do something wild and crazy with my refund like paint my builder primer walls of 3 years, but not in the cards. I was banking on so much more now that we have baby girl and I disappointed. I feel like Clark Griswald, when he didn't get his Christmas bonus, but instead a jelly of the month club gift, after he had put a down payment on the pool. Glad I did not buy that pool eh.

To all of you how are getting money back. Enjoy it...

Off to the big puddle in the sky!

2007-02-25T12:00:00.000-06:00

I bought a Betta fish, "Rick Asspatch" three and a half years ago to brighten up my office and provide some inner zen. It worked, fish are extremely soothing. Along with the fish, I also purchased a tank, food, plant decor and a light to keep him warm, best 20 bucks I ever spent, much cheaper than therapy!

This week Ricker passed on to the big puddle in the sky. He will be missed.
Here's to Rick...

I could not find my picture of Rick, This picture is thanks to Scott @ CentralPets.com

Good Lord it is the middle of February!

2007-02-15T11:34:00.000-06:00

I cannot believe it is the middle of February already. I have not posted since November and so many little events have passed by.

Let see if I can get us updated.

Christmas was wonderful. Baby girl had a great first Christmas and actually spent most of it sleeping as the activities were overwhelming. She did end up with Croup and an ear infection, but you'd never know it she's a trooper.

Happy New years to all. We stoped by our friends Linda and Rob's place of a festive cheer and then headed over to my brothers place for a low key evening as Baby girl was ill and just needed to pass out. All in all a good night.

My nephew baby boy turned one at the end of January. I cannot believe that he is a year old. This means that my baby girl will too be a year soon.
I think that I am now experiencing post partum. I am experiencing middle of the night panic attacks about going back to work. I would rather have dental surgery than return back. I know that reality is that in order to keep a roof over our heads I need to return home with a real pay cheque, but even typing this makes me want to throw up. I am loving being at home with he, making dinners, running to the market, cleaning my house(I love to clean..I'm a sick bitch) and being a domestic Goddess. I wasn't meant to sit in my car on the God damn QEW for hours on end just to wipe the noses of my co-workers that cannot by the grace of God pull it together, let alone get their on pants on most days. Oh well fingers crossed that I win the millionaire for life or at the very least someone who loves me does!

Our dog Dancer had her second litter of puppies in January. She did much better this pregnancy and is a natural with her pups. This time she only had five which made life a lot easier for her. She was also whelped through National Dogs and since their facilities are under going revamping, she has being staying in a wonderful home with her puppies and the co-founder of the organization. Two of her puppies will be given to National to be used as companion and safety dogs for children with autism which is really great. Four pups are chocolate and one black and the cutiest little things in the world. She will be coming home next weekend.

Of course the top news this week is the snow and we got a lot of it. I was a kind and thoughtful neighbour who shoveled mine and my neighbour's joinning driveway four times over the course of the day on Tuesday. You might as well get it while it's light and manageable. So yesterday morning I wake up to a crap load of the white stuff. I bundled up Baby girl and we ventured back out to shovel some more. The drifts were absolutely unreal and it was going to be a big job. I finally got to the end of my car went I noticed that the J-hole who lives next door has shoveled out a strip so that he can back his car out of the garage and down the driveway. He had left a wall of snow over a foot high and now it is drifting out of control. Hello...You cannot just leave the shit. It's still snowing, it is not going to just go away. Besides now I have to remove it in case I need to get baby girl somewhere in a hurry. I am a perfectionist I know. I do realize that the world has less than perfect people, but I am getting old and my tolerance is failing. He came home half way through my shoveling and I let him have it. This guy just moved here from Texas and he is practically having a heart attack over the amount of snow. I explained that most winters it snows. This is what happens when you live in Canada by the lake. Count your blessing that the first snowfall was almost in spring and that he did not pick Newfoundland as his home, those poor people wake up to this at least once a week.

He starts whining...Why shovel, it's still snowing. Why clean off car, you're not going anywhere.

Good God man, shut up.

He then offers to clear the snow at the bottom of the driveway so we can get in an out. The takes two tiny shovels and then says, "You know, I have salt. This will be much better and dumps a half bag of salt into a half foot of snow, brilliant"!

He says, "I am too cold, I must get a coffee. No more of this shovelling".
I then asked where the hell his kids where? As school is cancelled and they are teenagers.

"Oh they sleep...no school today."

Are you kidding me. I have no idea what was expected of you on a snow day, by in my house you just knew the first few hours of your snow day were going to suck hard. You could be bleeding out your eyes and you limbs falling off and my mom would say, "The cold will be good for you". As she strapped our limbs to our ass and send us out. You did it and you did it well, sometimes a few times over the day.

If my dad came home from working all day at some bitch job and had to shovel after three lazy shit heads slept till noon and then watched TV all day, he'd lose his mind. If you weren't bleeding out your eyes you soon will be. If Baby girl could have stood up with a shovel, she be doing it.
Well we fixed his wagon. The plow came last night around 10 and Hubby went out to shovel. I am pretty sure he use the property blueprints to determine exactly where to stop shoveling.
Idiots...You are screwing with the wrong guy.

Finally, Happy V-day to all those who celebrate. Us not so much. I would rather hubby do sweet things for me when the media has not had to reminded him too do so. Besides chocolates and flowers nice, but picking up a Tim's and bathing baby girl and putting her to bed for me so I can enjoy that Tim's...Better.

Actually this is the last note...
I want to express a sincere thanks to Dad Gone Mad. For those of you who may not know of this man, he is my hubby's blog hero. He reads him faithfully, more that mine I am sure and secretly I think he probably has one of his t-shirts.
Anyway. DGM is a brilliant writer and I find him highly entertaining, but my hubby I think feels that his writing is Gospel. If DGM has posted it, then it is acceptable and must by carried out.
I spent the whole weekend and much of this week with the "Crop Duster".
According to DGM the term "Crop Duster" is the act of silently farting while you walk, leaving behind you and blanket of anal gases for all to enjoy. I am convinced that my hubby spent the weekend eating things just to play "Crop Duster".
So DGM, thank you for an enjoyable weekend of..."giggle, giggle Op, Crop Duster, giggle giggle".

Have a great week and I will be back soon.

Found!

2006-11-29T08:46:00.000-06:00

Someone run and tell Snow White that I have found her long lost dwarf cutie!

There will be a small finders fee upon pick up.

Little full, lotta sap!

2006-11-23T21:35:00.000-06:00

When the holidays are upon us we share stories of family traditions, touching memories and more quirks that set us apart from the rest of the normal people.

My mom had just gone out and purchased an artificial Christmas tree. It has all the latest bells and whistles, pre-lit with 6 billion "warm" white LED lights which is this year’s model and to boot the tree is a slim fit. About the only thing that will be slim this holiday. Anyway, she was telling me that my dad and she had to put up the tree immediately as she wanted to be sure the lights were all working and that it was indeed a "slim" tree. She was told that the store policy was 14 days for a return and being that this was only the second week of November it left her no choice but to perform an early test launch. She said that the tree was beautiful and a snap to put up only 20 minutes start to finish. This made me laugh as I started to have random flashback images of Christmas past.

Some families made the picking out of a tree a real family event, a joyful celebration, a cherished tradition. I picture them with their clothes laid out the night before...little Johnny may have even slept in his. The family would awake that crisp and sunny Saturday and hop in the station wagon for a drive into the country where they would come upon their beloved tree farm. Oh the children would shout for joy, "we're here, we're here" and mom and dad would join hands and embrace the glory. They would hop out of the wagon and make there way up to a barn that had been transformed into Christmas in 1920's. Inside would be an old wood burning fire, the smell of fresh pine and cider in the air. Around would be little hand made decorations and bake goods for sale. That wee family would stroll arm in arm out back to a field where the most perfect trees grew. Just then a flurry of snow and a warm light in the distance...hark our tree. The family running up to the tree, "this is it kids", dad would proclaim and the good sir would cut it down and wrap it up. Everyone piles back into the wagon, with cider in hand and a glow in there hearts.

Beautiful isn't it....cut to real life and I don't mean to insult anyone who for them this story is reality. You are just getting better drugs and counselling then my family got. Kudos’ to you!

The story "Christmas Vacation", with Chevy Chase was more my style. The houses that we grew up in typically had a space that would accommodate a fairly large tree. I say houses because we moved like we were in witness protection, but that is another blog.
As fair as most of the memories go, dad brought home a large real tree, it was lit and decorated to the tits and not much out of the ordinary. That is until silver shadow. That was the name of a street we lived on. I will remember that tree trimming for the rest of my life.

Please note the following is based on a true story, the content may seem truer than life, but rest assured it is strictly fact.

It was a week before Christmas I think I was 15. We had been talking about when and where we were going to get a tree. We were living in a multi levelled town home where the dining room looked over the living room in an open concept style. All thought the ceilings were 29 feet in the living room the actual footage was small. My dad who had been into the festive egg nog states that he will go get a tree. 3 hours later he returns with the mother of all trees. It would have been excessive for a shopping mall let alone our living room. Although he has never admitted it, I am convinced that my dad when to a tree lot and being from the great white north was disgusted by what they considered to be a tree and I am sure he was shocked that he was expected to "buy" one of God's trees, so he went for a little stroll and cut down his own tree. My mother's face when he arrived home with this wild tree, I will never forget. It hung 6 feet off each end of the minivan! The fight started then. My mother wanted to know, where he got a tree that size, where the hell he thought he was going to put a tree that size and what the hell was he thinking. There were 14 steps up from the foyer to the living room and I remember watching my father pull this damn tree up the stairs and it just kept on coming. When he reached the living room the top of the tree was still in the foyer. He dropped that tree in the middle of the living room/stairwell and I know I did a lot of drugs, but that was the biggest fucking Christmas tree I'd seen outside of Nathan Phillips Square. I just stood there Gob smacked as my father enlisted my help in standing up this tree. For the size of it, it was not terribly heavy and as we stood it up I understood why. Clearly my father had picked this sucker out in the pitch of night. There were holes in the tree that would house small families, not to mention the odd nest that my father proclaimed to be old and abandoned. I remember my mother standing there with her mouth wide open, it seemed like forever before she said something. Maybe she was looking for the right words, or reasoning for marrying the festive little man that stood before her then it happened. "For fuck sakes Tom, Jesus Christ. It has holes; there are holes in the tree. And how the fuck does anyone get the angle on top of that fucking situation"? My mom is the cutest little thing ever, all 4 feet 10 inches of her! I knew then it would be a Christmas to remember. My father had asked me to hold the truck of the tree as we were standing it up and I was still holding it when he let go and walked over to see it from my mom's perspective. "Well it's a little tall but I will trim it and the holes will fill in once I untie it and let her settle".
Yep, this thing was still tied up and the fresh sap was adhering my arm to it. My dad walking down the stairs on the way to the garage asks where we keep the tree stand. My mother is following him assuring him that we do not own a tree stand that will house a tree of that size. I can hear them bickering all the way down the stairs and out the house! I waited a few minutes and then began to get the impression that they were not returning. After an hour my brother appears, let’s not get into the look on his 9 year old face. I ask him where mom and dad are. He says, "They had a fight. Dad is tearing the garage apart and mom is at the neighbour’s house having "egg nog".
So I am stuck to the fucking tree, which is getting heavy. I send my brother out for help and soon my dad returns. He lifts the tree into a 20 litre paint bucket and fills it with water and rocks. Of course when he starts to untie the tree it turns out to be too wide and tree starts to tip. So there was some trimming and then the tree was secured to the wall at two points using heavy gauge wire. After a few more festive egg nogs, my dad decided to tackle my mother’s issue with the tree being too tall for her angel and to shut her up lopped off the top of the tree!

Yep, it took about 1000 large lights, decorations the size of grapefruit and a Christmas table cloth for a tree skirt, and so what if we could only sit on one section of an L couch, in the end she really sparkled on Christmas morning!

I believe we have had an artificial tree and dad has given up the egg nog since then so now we can all sit back and have a good laugh at our Griswald's family Christmas.

Happy tree shopping!

His first time!

2006-11-12T22:04:00.000-06:00

Okay I know this is my second blog for today, but I have to catch up.

This is a plead to all mothers...Please let your little boys be little boys. Please allow them to flick boogies at each other, run wild through mud, make forts out of anything they can get their hands on and give them a pack of gum once in a while.

Today hubby and I are driving along in our automobile, just having a nice family drive along the lakeshore. Every once in a while I notice hubby checking himself in the rear view mirror. The first couple of times I didn't think much of it. I figured that he maybe checking baby or his teeth. When I finally asked, "what is wrong"? He replies, "What, nothing I am just checking my mouth".

We continued to drive along when out of my peripheral vision I see something drop down his front and he quickly picks it up and places it back in his mouth. I think I may have been in mid story telling and let it pass, but I know I saw it at that time. Then it happens again and I turn to look and stop talking. He is quickly trying to get his gum back into his mouth.

Me: what the hell
Hubby: what???
Me: Is this your first time?
Hubby: What, first time with what?
Me: GUM! Is this your first time with gum?
Hubby: ha. aha ha...no.

It drops out again onto his lap. He picks it up and throws it into his mouth and as I turn to look out my window and shake my head in complete disbelief that I have married this idiot, I hear this hork from the back of his throat. He is now choking on the God damn gum.

Me: Are you fucking kidding me
Hubby: aha...haha...ha, you heard that? I was trying to not choke...more laughter.
Me: Seriously, what the hell are you doing?
Hubby: I am trying to make my gum really long...cut to image of my dumbass driver looking in his rear view at the gum on his tongue, saying not very long yet.
Me: What has your mother done to you.

Please Baby girl could handle a piece of gum better and she only has 2 teeth. By 32, one should be able to chew gum and drive. Moreover, one should be able to lengthen a piece of gum over a half inch for Christ sake. I could rope one down to my tits and manage to keep it in my mouth.

I cannot wait for this week when he takes a day off and I find him eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in a fort in our living room.

Clearly I am a mother of 2!

Run, get your panties!!!!

2006-11-12T10:24:00.000-06:00

As one ages you tend to look back on your childhood and recall times of joy, the silly things that you did with the family. The traditions you had at the holiday and the many little quirks that made your family what it was.

I really enjoy baking. I find it challenging, satisfying and therapeutic. Since my Nana (dad's mom) has passed I find when I am baking and using her recipes I am able to be close to her again. I credit both my grandmothers for my love of baking, but that is where the similarities end and the quirks begin.

Recently I was making buttertarts at my aunts home in Winnipeg and I was reminded of the times I would bake with my other grandmother, my mom's mom who for a lack of better words was a complete whack job! When you are living your childhood things just seem normal, that is until you are old enough to compare yourself and your experiences with the outside world and realize maybe not so much with the normal.

I am the oldest of three children, my sister is 4 years and my brother is 6 years younger then myself. My sibling and I would often bake with the whack job, as she lived with us. We'd make wonderful goodies like jam filled cookies, muffins and cakes and have a grand time doing it.

We would all be off playing when you'd hear whack job shout out, "Who wants to bake...run and get your panties"! We would drop everything, jump up and in giggles of excitement cry, "I do, I do"! We would run down the hall as fast as our tiny legs would take us. At the oldest I would have been 8 or 9. Most kids would be tearing of towards the kitchen, but we were rushing off to our bedrooms. We would scramble into our rooms, pull open our dresser drawers and grab ourselves a crisp pair of white cotton panties and then tear off to the kitchen where whack job was eagerly waiting. She would start getting the baking items ready, my brother and sister would pull up chairs to kneel on and all together we would stand at the counter, wide eyed bubbling enthusiasm with our panties on our heads!

Yep, panties on our heads...Quirky! Whack job had a strict set of regulations when it came to working in the kitchen.

Hands must be washed with warm water and lots of soap. Remember in between fingers, back and front, and under your nails.
All dishes, surfaces and accessories must be clean before starting. We do not bake or cook in a dirty kitchen.
No hair touching, playing with your mouth, nose picking, coughing, sneezing, scratching or taste testing will be allowed.
Panties must be worn on heads at all times.

I do agree and practice all 1 through 3 as an adult, however long gone our the days where my ass and head are the same size!

Rule #4 was to prevent our hair from coming into contact with the baking. I agree that hair belongs no where in the kitchen and what a turn off to find hair in your food, but is a pair of panties really the solution? What the hell is wrong with a pony tail or tie our hair in a bun. I don't think my brother even had hair. At worst case scenario...a shower cap.

I am thinking about what experiences my grandmother may have had that drove her to force panties onto our heads. Perhaps she had eaten hair infested girl guide cookies and associated children with hairy baking. Ate muffins made for a church bazaar by rapidly balding children? I don't know the answers, but I see flaws in the panties theory.

Panties...Hello even though they are washed they do live in the dirty bits region. And I never recall her checking to see if we actually got clean panties, I just know I did.
Did she ever notice the two leg holes, not really ideal for optimum coverage. I remember my sister's head with her short hair sticking out through the leg holes. She looked like a troll doll at a frat party.
Now my brother if he were 2 he would have had to been wearing plastic training pants and I don't recall seeing that...so my sisters panties? How psychologically damaging is that! No wonder the he hates sweets as an adult.

So I lived life thinking that I was normal, that everyone doing their Christmas baking was wearing panties on their heads. I was wrong eh? No one else did that? Anyone?

I always wondered why Julia Childs never had panties on her head. Imagine the confusion and bewilderment surrounding chef hats...who wears panties like that, so starchy.

So it's no wonder I am the way I am. There was really no way I could have turned out right. I haven't been tagged yet with what makes me weird, but this one would fall in the top 5 I am sure.

Halloween

2006-11-09T14:30:00.000-06:00

Hey all,
Just a quick blog to say hello and that I am still alive and well.

Baby girl had her first Halloween and was the hottest Chick around!

My wife!!!!

2006-11-09T14:25:00.000-06:00

This is in response to my husband's last blog....

I remind you that the act of marrying Mark was one of great humanitarian proportions. I took one for the team, protected my weaker sister, gave mothers around the world a better night sleep knowing that Mark, A.K.A Loaf, Boner, Big Fingers and Dumbass was off the market!

So ladies I made the choice and a small personal scarfice so that you and your daughters good live a better life. I am a pleaser, a doer, and sucker for a challange, but I sleep well knowing two things, at home he is my bitch and wears a skirt and I have a "favour" in my pocket...(tap the side of your nose)

Life as a mama

2006-09-27T15:48:00.000-05:00

Hello all and sorry for the lack of posting, but motherhood is not as cushie as my career job...lol
(my boss reads).
I will try however to make more of an effort to keep you all abreast...I said breast! Yep, not a lot of adult stimulation around here.

First off my feet look great! Pregnancy sucks when your only body part you can be proud of is your feet and they looked like potatoes with nubs on the end.

Secondly...I love being a mom. I love it all and will be back on the baby making train before you know it.
I really had no idea of what being a parent was going to entail. I knew about the pooh and the puke, but I wasn't perpared for the insane love that you have for your child. It is just amazing.

Here is an update on baby girls progress.

She is 5 months now...ick closer to going back to work.

We have had 2 rounds of shots and she took it like a champ, just a little lip quiver.

She was 15lbs, 5ozs at her last visit at the end of August so I bet is she around the 18lbs mark. Keep in mind that she was almost 10lbs at birth.

Foods we like are rice cereal, peas, green beans, squash, sweet potato and pears
Not so much for the applesauce, peach(causes a whole body twitch) and carrots
Toys we like are the mobile, her crinkle bear, teething ring, jumper, mirrors and the dog
Toys that scare the living crap out of us....the new extreme tickle me elmo (thanks memere)
Milestone: smiling, laughing, cooing, chatter, reaching, rolling over, sitting alone for a few minutes, pulling herself to sit up, sleeping through the night, almost ready to cut teeth, and starting to cry when mom leaves the room (goodtimes)

Hope everyone is feeling caught up. I have very few seconds to share some photos and I will write again very soon.

Little thumb sucking to get you through your day.

Standing alone.

Not so much for the tickle me elmo...he scares me too. 50 bucks well spent.

Lounging at the cottage.

Who said a happy meal wasn't fun for adults too.

Signing off
Ma.

Ps.
Totally jeaslous of everyones new Skins!!!!!!!

My Dogs Are Bark'n Today!!!!

2006-03-01T08:35:00.001-06:00

So here we are at 34 weeks and really up to this point pregnancy has been pretty smooth. I have had some increased tiredness and some discomforts, but overall I am happy preggers.

In the last week however I have had some alarming swelling. I read about woman having swollen feet, but I don't think I clearly understood it. I was at the doctors last Monday and things were fine, my blood pressure is perfect and all is well so why the sudden swelling. It is minus 10 and I am wearing flip flops to outside.

Dearest hubby feels it is from eating crap when he was away, and although I agree it was proably not the best choices I don't beleive it is causing this problem. Besides it has been exceptionally bad this week and I have not eaten any crap.

So I was wondering who would like to rub my cankles and man hands. Come on...some of you committed to this friendship.

Really I use to have nice feet.........

Peek-a-boo

2006-02-17T09:37:00.000-06:00

Here is a quick look into my womb. Hello Baby!!!!!

That is actually baby's foot at it's eye.

Baby yawning...looks less frightening in motion. Notice it has my big mouth.

I think Babe looks like hubby here.

And finally babe with chubby cheeks and it's fist in the eye.

I of course am over the moon that I got to see their little face. Not clear determination of gender so that is still a surprise.

Enjoy,
Kate

Attention Aimee

2006-02-15T08:53:00.000-06:00

I thought that I would update you on a few of my life events to keep you in the loop and show you that I care.

First off I love that you are one of my secret fans, I always thought that you never really liked me. I am glad I was wrong. Mama tells me that you are excited about my babes...I am available anytime for a belly rub.
I tried to get your mom to sneak Honey in her handbag to pool last night, but it was a disappointing no go. Here is a thought for her birthday...a grandma tote.

Yesterday a had a strange encounter in the ladies washroom. I was the only one in there and chose to use the last stall. As I am about to flush a woman comes in and goes into the stall next to me but doesn't lock the door, odd. I continue to pull up my pants and as I flush and open the door I find her standing outside my stall. She pushes by me and locks the door. Literately the toilet water was still yellow and flushing...What the hell! Clearly this woman is a turd burglar. Technically a turd burglar is a person who knocks on your stall door while you are on the toilet, but it will do for this situation just fine. Correct me if I am wrong, but there are 3 other stalls not in use. Why mine, why the pushing...freaks!

I really hate public washrooms and hate how this place is so cheap as to not give us our own restroom. It's dirty, run down and people steal toilet paper and soap. I 've been in my hubbies work washrooms, I know the truth about corporate facilities...not for profit washrooms suck.

My washrooms:

Grease leaking from the hydraulic, down the back of the entry door
Smell of sewage
Old school vinyl tiles which I am sure are asbestos and are covered in grime
Four office grey metal stalls which have grime and black finger prints all over them
Toilets are definitely a hovercraft situation
Industrial toilet paper roll dispenser in hopes of deterring TP thieves
Half ply see through, spit through toilet paper that you must use with caution. The slightly bit of moisture cause it to disintegrate, sending your finger right thought it and causing serious damage
The wall tiles are rose and green and filthy
We have three sinks, 2 in which do not drain and almost all have hair in them
2 Soap dispensers filled with mysterious blue slime, usually both empty
The walls are rose and the door, radiator are forest green...Special
finally the ceiling is a drop ceiling with the square inserts. They are badly water stained and for almost a year now we have been missing at least one if not two, due to a water leak which may or may not have been fixed

My hubbies facilities

Greeted by a cleaner as she is leaving the restroom
Large floor pots with silk flowers
Smell of soaps and cleaning products
2 floor to ceiling private washroom stalls
Marble like if not Marble tiling on the floor and I believe the wall. If not, the wall was nicely painted or papered
3 more regular stalls ...Clean and suitable for human use
Sinks with up to date fixtures, no hair balls and nice counter tops
Lighting that you would find in your home or a hotel
More plants, some hand cream and real soap from the dispenser
They even have hand sanitizer pumps

Clearly something is wrong here. I try to hold it until late afternoon when I know it will be my only time in there.

So there you have it...a little something to keep you going.

Enjoy your week off next week.

mama out!

Good morning sunshine

2006-02-08T14:57:00.000-06:00

So we are 31 weeks and I am really not sure what that translates into, somewhere in third trimester. I am beginning to feel super tired again and my sleep is becoming less restful as each night passes.

Mornings have never been my favourite event of the day, but this is more true than ever. First off I can hardly believe that I need to pee again. Secondly due to baby's position I am unable to roll over without great discomfort. This morning was a particularly bright one for me.

I opened my wee eyes and turned off the alarm. Then struggled painfully to roll over like a beached baby beluga, while my hubby just lay there and watch his breakfast television. I am finally over and trying to focus on the traffic report when our cat smudgie jumps up onto the bed and is slowly walking up to my head area. Really nothing pisses me off more in the morning than the cats or so I thought. The meowing, the loud purring and the complete violation of my personal space.

Smudgie is now trying to squeeze her fat body between hubby and I, rubbing her ass on my arm. As hubby gets up she takes off and leaves what appears to be a lump of shit on my forearm. I most passed out!

Me: Son of a bitch, oh God (squealing)
DH: What, what
Me: Look at my damn arm, that God damn cat left a cling-on on my arm.
DH: After assessing the situation as I must be lying or something, he is now buckled over in hysterics
Me: (Gagging and trying to not to throw up as I struggle to roll over and get out of bed.) "GET ME SOMETHING TO WIPE THIS"! (my arm in the air)
DH: Not moving, just laughing and holding his damn belly. "Oh God to funny, Oh God".
Me: Seriously babe I will throw up.
DH: struggles to get some TP and comes back still unable to catch his breath.
Me: Nice morning!

So I am in the shower vigorously scrubbing my arm as I think, nobody should have to wake up this way. I am in a no better situation than a homeless guy waking up to a dog peeing on him. It's wrong. Who walks away from a litter with a cling on. Better yet who wipes it on the person that provides you a home and food.

Bottom line...Cat for Sale!

A babe is born!

2006-01-30T14:17:00.001-06:00

I have become a new aunt for the second time yesterday at 4 am.

My brother and his wife had our newest little family member baby boy.

He is weighting 8lbs 11oz and 20.5 inches long. He is the cutest little thing ever, all naked and red and he looks a lot like his older sister.

Mom is doing well after a long and trying labour. She said yesterday that there is nothing she can say at this time about the labour that wouldn't upset me, so we'll talk in April.I can say that looking at that little guy made our pregnancy very real. I was overwhelmed that not even 6 hours prior this baby was in a woman. It was incredible to look at him and know that I am growing the same little joy. I am also not so sure how it managed to come out at that size, but I guess it did.

Just wanted to share our news and brighten up an otherwise dull Monday.

Baby Boy

2006-01-30T14:17:00.000-06:00

Baby Boy!

I'll stop now promise!

Spooky

2006-01-13T08:38:00.001-06:00

It's like the crazy 8 Ball.

13th day into the new year and I have succeeded.

In the year 2006 I resolve to:
To be a bitch.

Get your resolution here

Kate

2006-01-13T08:38:00.000-06:00

In the year 2006 I resolve to:
To be a bitch.

Get your resolution here

Done and Done!

Women after my man

2006-01-12T08:52:00.000-06:00

New Years!!!!

Ahh remember the excitement, the planning of where to go, what hot place would be the perfect occasion for that special midnight kiss. Buying the perfect little (that's right use to be little) black dress and strappy shoes. Spending hours doing our hair and make up so that everything was just perfect.
Showing up to a hotel buffet breakfast the next morning in that little black dress wearing a hint of smudged mascara being mistaken for an escort girl, had it been any other morning. Sitting at a table slowly sipping the best cup of coffee you think you've ever had while you stare silently across at friends who also think they just might die.

Surprisingly enough I don't miss it. Married, 30 and over 6 months preggers I was perfectly content to get together with friends for a night of laughs.

I was thrilled when we were invited to our dear friend's Linda and Rob's home for a night of eating and good company. I would like to thank you both for a wonderful evening and opening your home up to us once again. We had a wonderful time and the basement a.k.a your pride and joy is absolutely beautiful...Wonderful job well done!

Now we, Mark and I were not the only guests invited. There were many friends there to mingle with. Linda even graciously opened her home to the neighbours...Ironically enough she choose, "be kinder to stupid people", as a resolution. I think that you are already accomplishing that obstacle nicely.

So during the night I cannot help but notice that my hubby who is what I like to refer to as a stale twinkie (crusty exterior with a sweet soft filling) is flirting with this girl at the party. Normally he is not what I would call a social butterfly. He usually just sits back and takes it all in until he says we are leaving. Anyway, I catch him winking at her and she'd smile and sweetly wink back. She'd offer him chips and they'd make eyes at each other. Now I can't blame him for being drawn to her, I couldn't take my eyes off her the whole time. She was beautiful, an absolute doll. It was getting late for her and she was getting on past her bedtime. She starts making the rounds saying bye to everyone, when she gets to Mark. She climbs up on his lap and gives him a big hug.
Colleen and Neil your Little One is a darling!

For those reading hubby's posts, he has mentioned some of his desires with regards to our baby and fears about being a dad. I know that he would love a boy. I know that he is going to love this baby no matter what, but I see him with my niece and Hannah and my heart melts.

We were at my aunt and uncle's over Christmas and my cousin and his wife came over with their daughter. My cousin was pointing around to all of us telling his daughter our names and who we were to her. He gets to Mark and Madison (my niece) stands up and says, "Oh this is uncie Mark. I love this guy". He may not know it but he is the best with kids and the little girls always flock to him. I am sure he would be just as wonderful with a little boy and a dream come true, but if this baby is a girl. It will be daddy's girl forever.

Should have married a woman!

2006-01-11T08:58:00.000-06:00

Hello All and Happy New Year!

I actually have a little free time and thought I would drop a post for you.

For those of you who have been reading my hubby's posts (my apologizes) you know that we are quickly approaching the arrival of our love nugget. Things have been going along pretty smoothly and I am so in love with this little one, can't think of anything I would change except for maybe a signed contract from my hubby. I should have gotten him to sign off on our understanding of each others roles during this blissful time.

Here is my understanding and I am sure that he will have something to add.

As the carrier and sole life line for our babe, my role/duties are as follows:

Eat healthy, get plenty of rest and protect myself and nugget from any harm
Visit an OB regularly and follow any instructions she may give me no matter how badly I do not want to participate
Choose and plan for necessary items such as a baby registry, nursery colour and layout, bedding, baby gear, hospital bag and anything else that my hubby would just sniff off as "who gives a crap"
Continue to read up on fetal development, changes in myself in preparation for anything out of the ordinary and what to expect for the arrival. Contrary to popular belief...There is no stork
I am to continue with the cleaning of our home (when I have the engery), paying bills, grocery shopping and other household activities. God bless my hubby for his continued support with cooking, laundry, garbages and animal poop collection.
Start and complete the "nesting" routine. I have recently gotten the strong desire to start reorganizing and getting rid of crap I don't need. Old clothing, clutter from the closets, cupboards, the office, nursery, basement, garage, kitchen and anything else I can get my hands on
Last and most importantly...Enjoy my pregnancy, rest and relax while I still can

Daddy's Role

Attend appointments with mom if he can
put up with mom's mood swings including the crying and/or frustration
Tell mom she looks great no matter what she looks like and tell her how much you love her as often as needed
Assist mom with home chores and do all the heavy lifting
Speaking of heavy lifting...Help mom off the couch and from a sitting position if needed without making groaning or dead God comments
Rub mom's back, feet and legs when she needs it ... She is no longer in control of her body baby is and it's going to ache
Lastly make mom happy at all times...This includes going out to get her an item that she is craving. I WANT A GOD DAMN DONUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My baby daddy (ha-ha) has been outstanding in almost categories, but lacking in the seriously in the last two. One night I had a Charlie horse in my leg so bad that I had to ask him to rub it. He simply turned to me as he lay in our married bed and stated that he was not going to touch me as he does not want to set life long standard. My hubby is afraid that he will become my uncle who is forced to rub my aunt's feet nightly. He feels that my uncle must have started this during her pregnancy 20 years ago and set this standard. In the mind of my hubby, my uncle will die with his wife's feet in hand. What a load of crap!!!!!!! So I spent the night thrashing in pain while some dick slept peacefully.

Second area of improvement became an issue ony as of last night. We were watching TV and I turned to him and said, "I want a donut". He commented that's nice. That's nice, did he not hear me? I thought that maybe stating my desires was a tad harsh and maybe better excepted if I phrase it in a question.

me: "Babe, I am craving a donut, could you please go get me one".

DH: Yeah no!

me: But that's your job as the daddy.

DH: Your car is at the end of the driveway and your legs work, so get your own donut.

me: but I am in my pj's.

Dh: Yeah, well I am in my jogging pants (ps. he doesn't jog) You're in a car at the drive through, nobody will see you. You want a donut go get it.

Me: Pout on the couch

Now I know this seems stupid, but I have yet to send him out during this pregnancy on some wild food fine at 3 in the morning. I have not had cravings for anything other than fruit, which is in my fridge. I think he has been lucky that I am not the crazy pregnant lady who has ripped him from a sleep at 130 in the am to get up and find me a fresh hot cheeseburger with onions and pickles in Burlington during a snow storm. No that was my dad's life with three pregnancies almost 3 times a week. All I am asking for is one damn donut at 8pm from Tim Hortons. Really not a hard task.

Needless to say no donut. As I pouted I thought, if I were married to a woman I would already have a donut by now and she would have brought me a tea, just because.

As we were falling asleep last night, our dog who is ready to hatch 6+ pups was acting strange. She was really sucky with me and would not eat her cookie. When I asked her, "D, you don't want your cookie"? I hear this little voice from out of the dark, trying not to kill himself laughing say, "maybe she wants a donut"!

For breakfast I had two honey donuts...kiss it baby daddy!

Brown Bag'n It

2005-09-02T14:39:00.000-05:00

Okay... I am still alive, but life has been a tad overwhelming and I have not had time to write. Actually I have had very little time or to do much these days. I recently took on a new position at work which has kept me busy. I have been fighting off a wee bug for a few weeks now and I am just whacked. I have however mentioned through out my days how I need to blog this and I need to blog that, so lets begin.

I was discussing with a few friends and then my hubby about kids lunches and what kids bring to school now a days. I was appalled to see mini half sized pop/soda cans with the simpsons on them being sold at the grocery store. They are not marketing this product to me. These sick bastards are marketing cheap quality high sugared pop to kidlets.

This got the conversation rolling and we started talking about what we use to bring for lunch when we were kids.
I remember mom use to pack us the healthiest lunch possible (nice try mom, but I still ended up fat with good eating habits). I remember we would all sit in the lunch room and start to disassemble our lunches.

One sandwich consisting of fillings such as tuna, cheeses, vegetables, homemade chicken salad, lunch meats and the ever feared egg salad. Egg salad always ensured lots of personal space during the lunch hour. Note that all sandwiches consisted of whole wheat or multi-grained breads only. If it's white it aint right!
One tetra juice pack and not good juice like fruit punch or tropical island. Nope, we got pure apple and orange juice. Sometimes, if it were on sale you got a grapefruit juice, hopefully not paired with the egg salad. Mom was cleaver though and froze our drink boxes and wrapped them in foil to ensure a frosty beverage by lunch. This also acted as an ice pack as mom was fearful of botulism.
A snack, okay we'll call it that. A piece of fruit, sometimes 2 if they were small or we had been extra good.

That was it. That was lunch. Now we were poor and prepared fancier fun lunches were out of the budget for 3 kids. Besides mom would never dream of feeding us that crap. She was a stay at home mom, her job was to provide nutritious meals for us.

So I am 10 and I am sitting at the lunch room table watching others unload their lunches. I am overcome by jealousy and rage. The girl across the table has leftover pizza, a coke, packaged cookies, a twinkie and a handful of sweet sweet candy. She probably has a God Damn pony at home too. She is eyeing my ghetto lunch and I know that there is not chance of a trade. What would I offer her...My pure juice...It's a 100 percent!

Of course I go home and when mom asks how was your lunch I put up a stink. Marsh's mom gives her pop, and cookies and treats in her lunch...Ma she had pizza! I get the look of, "you ungrateful bitch" and the "Well if you want to eat what Marsha eat then maybe you would like to go live with Marsha. I bet Marsha doesn't have a mom at home who cares what she eats and I bet she has a mouth full of cavities".

I guess mom felt a little guilty during the next grocery shop and decided to bend the rules a little and allow for snacks.

Yes....Snacks! So excited I practically rip my lunch bag open to find... Low fat pudding. Ah yes the healthier snack. The lunches kept coming and day after day the new snacks would appear. Fruit cups, plain granola bars, fruit jerky, homemade rice crispy squares, and then the ultimate burn... Muffin logs. Muffin logs are my pet name for Hop and Goes. They have been out for ever, but have recently made a come back. Now they come in chocolate chip, and other wonderful flavours that I never became familiar with. We got the banana and nut...f'n sick, and if you think you can trade that shit up you have another think coming.

I don't blame mom, I wouldn't feed my kids shit either, but I again am sitting at the lunch table as an adult eating a fairly healthy lunch while others lunches look so much better.

In my mom's defense she did give us better (?) treats around the holidays. Occasionally (and I mean occasionally) we would find a flakey in our lunch. A flakey...Jesus Christ, I didn't know if I should cry or wet myself. I felt like standing up and yelling, "What I have here is a Flakey, yessss! A God damn flakey, thank you Jesus, a flakey! "Hey pony girl, what do you think of my ghetto lunch now...a Flakey. " I got a Flakey, you cannot have one".

Aside from the Flakey there was the questionable upgraded snacks, which were nowhere close to a flakey. The handful of nuts in a ziplock baggy, the 2 or 3 rockets at Halloween and the plain potato chips. What the hell is with plain chips. I know that lot of people like them, but for me they need to be covered in a large amount of Helluva Good Dip. I just don't understand plain. I would never go into a restaurant and order the plain chicken with plain veg and a plain baked potato. I am sure that some would be in the world of flavours why???? I digress.

So what seems like a simple meal for a kid can really make and impact on their lives and even scar them for good. Mom you did your best and I thank you for it, but I'm having McDonalds for lunch.

Lunch Lady Out.

I am Back

2005-08-08T08:50:00.000-05:00

Hey all,
I guess it has been a little while since I last wrote. I am just back from vacation and before we get all excited about my fantastic trip and cultural experiences, truth be told it was 10 days of my fat ass on the couch. Now who wants to see the pictures?

It was actually very relaxing and just nice not to have to do anything, but snuggle with hubby.

We did do a couple of day outings, but hubby was sick and not really up to much.

I even asked if we could go to block busters and rent a few videos...very odd behaviour for me and perhaps will be my next blog as I am having to explain my detest for movies a lot lately.

So not a whole lot to write about just wanted to say hi to you all and get caught up.

Kate

No Judging

2005-07-22T08:04:00.000-05:00

Hubby and I went out for dinner last night. After I let him know that I needed to go to Shoppers to purchase a few things.

As noted in previous posts I am required to take bum pellets which I have decided against. I have a friend at work who is getting the same fertility treatment as me and she suggested that I re-route the pellets. I am going to take her advice as she is preggers with twins.

So hubby and I go into Shoppers and he follows me around as I collect my items. Just as we are walking down the last isle he says, "this is an interesting purchase, I wonder what the cashier will think". I start to laugh as I scan over my items, yeah this is a little bizarre. It's a drugstore though, people go there to buy unmentionable items. So I approached the cashier who was young and seemed like she would have a good sense of humour. I placed my items on the counter and say, "don't judge me, the situation is complicated".

Here is my purchase:

1 yeast infection kit - All I really needed was the damn applicator for my pellets

1 box of pregnancy tests - Pellets stop your period and I have been instructed to test when it should be due

2 different packs of pantie liners

1 smores bar

The girl was really nice and let me know that this is not weird. Weird and uncomfortable was the odd man who came in late one night and purchase 10 boxes of condoms and rubber gloves!

Kate :o)

The Crazy Things We Do!

2005-07-20T08:54:00.000-05:00

I would like to start off by saying that is in no way an attack on my roommate and in fact she reads my blogs and I have her permission to poke fun at her.

I am observant and analytical in nature and have noticed odd little things that my roommate of 2 1/2 months does.

A few weeks ago roomies cupboard was ajar, so I tried to close it. When it wouldn't budge I opened it to see the obstruction. The problem wasn't anything in particular just an over packed cupboard. It was like she was in the middle of game of non-perishable Jenga. Just before I closed the cupboard I noticed something odd, she had what appeared to be 3 or 4 boxes of Jello. Now I don't make it a habit of snooping, but I am interested. What is an almost 30 year old doing with 4 boxes of Jello? Then I noticed the shelf above, it would seem that the 3 or 4 boxes that I had found were overflow! In total I counted 10 boxes of Jello...What the hell. I would not have thought this to be funny if she had a couple kids or actually ate the shit, but in the 2 1/2 months I had never seen her make, eat or store a made batch of Jello in my home. Is there a shortage I am not aware of? Is it Feng Shui, do the miniature boxes promote positive Chi to the home? Was she denied Jello as a child and keeping an abundance of the powder crystals make her feel accomplished?
I don't understand and I don't have Jello of my own (muchly due to the fact that I cannot stand the shit) but good to know that roomie has extra. So I chalked it up to a weird encounter and thought nothing more of it.

More on roomies food intake, she has got a shit load of food. I have daily arguments with the freezer as roomie has so much prepared frozen meals again piled like a Jenga game and they all come crashing out. The other week I open the freezer to get ice and noticed that there were 2 new tubs of ice cream. Hey I am not against ice cream, but she already has a half tub in there and again I have never seen her with a bowl of it. So the impulse buy has spilled over from Jello to ice cream, perfect.

Hubby and I arrived home one Friday night after a get together with an old friend from out of country. I was pretty tanked and needed a beverage in attempts to dilute the alcohol and avoid a hangover. So I open the fridge grab a pop and then notice a pitcher of blue juice (kool-aid) and a tall glass of blue juice sitting right beside it. So I question to myself, "what is happening here"? It's kind of like CSI only with less blood splatter. So we have a glass of juice which she must have wanted and poured, but she decided not to drink it...hmmmm. Was she quickly called away? No she's upstairs sleeping. Did she find a better beverage choice and forgo the blue juice? Did she realize that she was to be fasting or not allowed that amount of sugar at this hour? Again I carry on and go to bed noting this discovery as odd things roomie does.

Last week I was responsible for going to check on Tracy's cats while she was on vacation. I get home and I am planning to go out with another friend for dinner and the plan will be to swing by and check the cats. My dinner plans fell threw and now roomie has parked behind me. I am in the kitchen making something to eat and roomie comes in.
roomie: Hey, aren't you going out to eat
Me: Nah, I didn't hear back so I am making something
Roomie: ah nice
me: hey, I need to go to Tracy's to check the cats
roomie: well maybe we could go over together so I don't have to jockey cars
me: okay, I'll eat first and then we can go
roomie: yeah ok...and goes upstairs

So I am finishing my tubular meat on a bun, when roomie resurfaces this time with her purse in hand.
Roomie: why are you sitting so close to the TV? (she walks into the kitchen)
Me: I am just finishing dinner and waiting to go
roomie: what are you watching, oh okay, yeah (a little out of her mind)
me: okay Dancer you stay here. I get up and close the basement door, pick up the cat food and head for the front door
Roomie: heads up stairs
me: maybe she has to tinkle, maybe she forgot something...I'll wait

Roomie never resurfaces and after a half hour of waiting I think screw it. So I go upstairs to play SIMS. I am sitting in the office and I hear music. What the hell are the neighbours doing over there? Then it hits me I think it is coming from roomies room. I put my ear against the wall and sure enough it's coming from her room. I listen and hear, "Billy Jean is not my lover..."? What the hell, she blew me off for a Michael Jackson special, what's going on in there. So we are driving into work the next morning and roomie states that she fell asleep in her clothes last night. So you didn't hear the Michael Jackson special and what happened about Tracy's I asked. She looks at me like I have my head on backwards. I said, "I asked you if you were ready, you came down with your handbag and I got ready to leave and you never came back". Now you are saying that you went upstairs and fell asleep. I am picturing you sitting on the edge of your bed and then somehow passing out with your handbag in your clutches.
Seriously I think she suffers from Narcolepsy. This is not the only time that she has announced in the car pool that she fell asleep in her clothes at 7pm and woke up this morning with her make up smeared across her face. I can't fall asleep and she can't stay awake nice.

All this odd behaviour got me thinking, I must do crazy things too. So I have been thinking about it and here is what I have come up with.

I can never remember if I have tomato paste so I buy 2 cans everytime I go shopping and sure enough I had some so I have a collection of tiny cans.
I am obsessed about my cleaning. I cannot clean all the time, but it does make me happy to be cleaning and anxious if I haven't had time to clean. It didn't seem odd to me until I was upset the other day about my sink having water and shit in it. I like the sink wiped dry...Odd.
I never eat the part of the nacho that I am holding onto. When I eat nachos I use a discard plate (ask Heather), but this excludes naked nacho chips that I am dipping into salsa, then I eat the whole thing. And Dorito chips....Well I don't eat the chip at all (embarrassed), it's just empty calories.
I arrange and eat my food according to what I like to best. First no foods can touch. Second I eat the food that I like the least first and save the best for last. If it is popcorn with seasoning I eat the plainer ones first and save what I like to refer to as my good men, to eat last. This drives Mark up the wall.
Lastly, but not the end of my craziness...I smell everything. My dad does, my brother does and yet me too. Clean laundry, dirty laundry, food when I buy it, when I make it and when I eat it. Dog cookies, blankets, shower curtain, pillows, everything. I cannot explain it and trust me although many things in this world smell fantastic, many others do not...I have been burned.

I am sure many of you have crazy things that you do and maybe you know of things I do that I have over looked. Or maybe it is a thing that someone close to you does that you just don't understand. Please share a few of the crazy things we do, it will make us all feel a little more normal.

K out

Construction and fertility don't mix

2005-07-13T07:35:00.000-05:00

So I am at the point in my "treatment" where I am required to visit the fertility clinic every morning for 5 days for a gentle probing (internal ultrasound) to check my egg growth.
They gave me this drug which I took for several days and it has seriously messed me up. I like to refer to them as my crazy pills. Even though I have stopped taking them I am still getting the hot flashes, mood swings and my tolerance is much less than usual which wasn't much to start with. I think it is a combo of my body ridding the drugs and the stress of just everything I am trying to balance in my life. I am on the edge for sure LOL.

So I am nearing the clinic yesterday with 3 minutes to spare, make my right hand turn and the road is closed, Jesus H Christ. I make a U turn and go back up to the service road as the sign has stated. This is where I discover that the road can only be accessed south bound and I am of course traveling North. So I go up to the next set of lights and wait for 2 red lights before I can make my left hand turn as I am in rush hour traffic with a bunch of suburbanites . I pull another U turn and I am becoming increasingly irate. Now I am south bound and I make my turn to the service road and loop back around to the same place I made the first U turn, what the F'*k! Did I pass out for a few moments, was I abducted why the hell am I back here.
I am hopped up on crazy meds, lacking my coffee and quickly losing my patience, I decide now to attempt the closed road. I pull in and I am met by a middle aged black man who could be the spokes person for Malibu Rum. I roll down my window and he leans on my door and into my space.

Me: I need into that building (frantically pointing) the one not even 20 feet away, I am very...

Malibu: Shhh, Shhh, Shhh (making stroking motions with his hands) pretty lady don't get upset now

Me: seriously I don't have time for this, who the hell blocks the entrance to a fertility clinic, are you not able to do this shit at night. Time it's all about timing.

Malibu: Ah lady, you are pretty when your mad and you're pretty when you're not mad, either way I win, Ha Ha Ha. Now up ahead ya, the road is all messed up I cannot let you go through.

Me: Do not patronize me I am about to lose it, Get me into that building. ( I am now at the end of my rope, he is chuckling at me and telling me I am cute when I am shouting at him and I am having the worst hot flash yet. I can feel my cheeks on fire and I am sweating to death. I am about to hurt this guy.

Malibu: Okay, Okay pretty, clam down and I will tell you the way to get around here, but first you need to be clam and smile....let me see that pretty smile.

Me: STEP AWAY FROM THE CAR ASSHOLE.... I slam it in reverse hit and take out 3 highway cones and a curb and peel off down the dirt road. I am now just shy of a half hour late and pretty sure I am about to hurt someone badly...oh super I am now crying, suck it up bitch we have no time for that (I have developed 2 other personalities to keep in check).

I pull yet another U turn and once again I am traveling North bound knowing full on that I am going to have to sit at that damn intersection again, because I can only access the service road SOUTH BOUND AHHH.

I finally locate the road to the back of the clinic park my car quickly scan for damage, none and run into the clinic. I catch a glimspe at myself in the elevator mirrors and I have morphed into a giant red puff eyed, hyperventilating, coffee deprived, sweaty beast.

I get into the office and the nicest woman in the world says, "Oh sweetie...Construction while on fertility meds"? "You're not our first". Immediately all was well in the world, I chuckled and with in seconds I had an upswing and I am hap, hap, happy. I am a God damn freak.

I will take this time to apologize to anyone (especially my hubby and co-workers) I have encountered over the past 3 weeks that I may have scared, offended or upset....I am sorry. :o(

Good news I have three eggs that are growing nicely.
Better news I don't have to go back until Thursday.
Best news I know to get coffee first and know the exact route in to avoid Malibu.

Nutter out

The food network pays off

2005-07-11T09:34:00.000-05:00

My hubby is simply obsessed with the food channel. He watches it religiously so much that friends of our comment how they know at anytime of the day they can come in at it will be on. So while some of the shows are okay most I chop up and shout things at the TV.

For instance there is a program Everyday Italian. I watched it for a few weeks before I could pin point what was off. I finally hit me...She's a bobble head in the nicest way. She is a very petite woman, narrow shoulders and this gargantuan cranium. It's very distracting and I have a hard time holding back commentary on how the camera angles are not helping her situation.

Anyway, hubby has been particularity interested in License to Grill which is all about BBQing. This guy has 4 different BBQ's and a fully functioning outdoor kitchen which lays pool/hot side and we do not. However this has not stopped hubby from taking on new BBQ challenges. The newest craze in our home is smoking. A few weekends ago hubby and I picked up fresh chicken wings and mesquite wood chips at our local grocery store. He marinade the wings in peanut sauce and then smoked them low and slow on the BBQ. Now we only have the one BBQ, conflict the guy on TV does his veggies in a separate BBQ...How is hubby going to do his corn? He decides to smoke it.
Now I hate corn. Corn does stuff to my digestive track that is equivalent to drinking draino and therefore I stay away from it. I will even go as far as picking it out of prepared foods as corn seems to be an international filler.

So we sit down to eat, the wings are wonderful. You can taste the peanuts, you can taste the mesquite...So good. Then hubby bites into a piece of corn and starts with, "OMG babe you have got to try this, really try this". He is going at this cob like a wild man and I am thinking what the hell it's corn. So I finally give in to shut him up and oh dear God...Smoke your corn. I was the best shit I have every put in my mouth. It had some crazy nostalgic memory of summers as a child, my cottage and camping. I damn near cried. I continued to eat it fully knowing what was in store for me. I didn't care. I eat stillton cheese on a regular bases which I have to take migraine medicine first and deal with headaches that night. I drink and deal with hangovers in the morning. I shall eat smoked and only smoked corn and deal with my colon later cause it is that good.

We have since smoked ribs which were amazing and of course more corn. Screw buddy and is 4 BBQ's.

Moral of the story....smoke your corn!

The Mother Land In Crisis

2005-07-07T07:46:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to let those of you who are aware of my hubby's (Mark) business trip to London, England that he is home and doing fine. He left there Wednesday Morning and was home yesterday afternoon. Linda you are right...his lazy safe ass is in bed with jet lag.

I would like to thank all of you for your phone calls and emails/posts that were worried and concerned for his well being.

I would like to also express my sadness and again that uneasy feeling that I feel this morning for those who are coping with the horrific acts in London. I am reminded how surreal and out of my control it felt with 911 and here I am again experiencing the same feelings. I guess it stems from that fact that I cannot wrap my mind around the concept of planning and executing such massive destruction that will alter and cease the lives of thousands of innocent people.
I am a helper, it's what I was born to do. I help those I have just met, those I will never meet and those who mean the world to me. I am a bitch, but I don't have it in me to purposely plot out hurt and pain onto someone else.

I was tearful while watching the events thinking about how close Mark could have come. How I worry so when he is out of town about his safety, as the people involved are innocent and just in the wrong place at the wrong time. How even if he was alright, the possibilities that I may not know for hours or days would be torture. I know that if Mark were still in London now, I would be out of my mind with fear and panic.

I am consumed with empathy for everyone who has not heard news and for those who have been injured or lost their lives and I would like to extend my thoughts and prayers to all.

Peace

Unreal

2005-07-06T11:52:00.000-05:00

I left my home this morning, lock my door and continued down the step when I noticed a pile of sod at the end of Skipper's driveway. What the hell?I scaned the lawn for damage and yep there is a 4x4 square of sod that has been lifted from their side of the lawn. No rythem or reason just a random naked patch of grass, about halfway down the lawn. I can only pray that the city is coming to repair something, otherwise I need to declare the "Matel" family nextdoor as clinically insane.

I really need to get my camera and take some photos of this situation!

peace out

And there you have it

2005-07-05T08:03:00.000-05:00

Last Thursday before the long weekend I had been over at my parents place for most of the day and night and had not yet been home. Upon arriving home my roommate asks me if I knew that Ken and Barbie were moving?

me: Yeah, they are moving to BC or something and I figure that is why they had the garage sale.

Roomie: Ah no, did you know that they were moving today?

Me: no, no I did not. Are they?

Roomie: They did. I came home from work and there was the moving truck and they were emptying the contents of their home into it.

Me: NOOOOOO, were is the open house? Why isn't it on the market? Where are my new fun neighbours? For Christ Sakes!

Roomie: I don't know but they are gone.

The next morning I got up and packed the car as we were going away to a friends cottage, and I notice a car in their driveway. It had a cutesy license plate and I remember from the garage sale. Shit I bet they are not selling the house, they are instead going to prolong my agony and rent it to her or his sister. Son of a bitch, the garden is going to stay!

So it has been a few days now and no signs of Ken and Barbie and I have not seen the person that owns the car either. So I guess that I am stuck with Skipper, Barbie's younger sister.

Aside from that I had a wonderful weekend and will blog about that one later.

A fence makes perfect neighbours!

2005-06-28T07:48:00.000-05:00

Well everyone I am sure is familiar with Ken and Barbie. If not it is our neighbours who I would assume think that they are better then us. This theory makes me ridiculously happy as they are really a pair of suck sacs which is a continuous source entertainment for hubby and I.

Thursday morning I am leaving the house to find the biggest piece of dog shit on my lawn. Not just on my lawn but right at the edge of my patio stone where my stairs are. It's not my shit, hubby swears he could do better and Dancer is not allowed to defecate on my front lawn cause it's just gross. Funny enough it looks much like the shit of an 80 pound dog which coincidence would have it...Ken and Barbie own one. Dicks!

Saturday morning hubby and I awoke to find Barbie and two other women (her mom and sister perhaps) out front. Barbie was working on the "garden project", which I am becoming increasingly put off by. I was looking at it the other day and I have decided that there is nothing I can do to compliment it or make it better. So not front garden for me.
Anyway, she is ripping up more sod and planting more tropical plants and now there are stone tiles and white rocks and oh my, being added. It looks like a grave that shat on itself. So we leave the house and she says "Hi", and nothing else.
We arrive back home and now there are more relatives, and again no words exchanged.

Sunday morning we decide to get up and go for a little breakfast. We get ready, open our door to find a Filipino family of six standing on my lawn. What the hell. Hubby and I are kind of stuck in our tracks as our eyes dart around our property and we struggle to process the events coupled by anger and astonishment.
It would appear that on this beautiful Sunday morn, Ken and Barbie have decided to have a garage sale and not only use most of their property, but also ours. I am standing there watching my lawn (which is in critical condition at the best of times) be tramped on. Corners of the sod edge are sticking up and I am up to my knees in their shit.
Now I am not a freak about my lawn, but I am trying to keep it alive. When the builders laid the sod we got the shittiest pieces. Every piece is a 1x1 square, when everyone else including Ken and Barbie got long strips of sod. So I am trying to stay off the lawn in hopes that it will take.
Now the neighbourly thing would have been to mention to us that they were having a garage sale and may the use our lawn, but nope they are better than us and therefore can do as they please. So they are all looking at us, I say "Riiiiiiight" and head to the car and Hubby manages to get out, "Oh, nice" and also heads to the car. We are not looking like happy people and drive away.
I assure to my hubby that if Ken woke up to find our shit on his lawn he would f'kn lose it, but it's okay for him. We proceed to spend the rest of our breakfast thinking of ways to sabotage them. They have not told us yet, but they are moving to BC and I would think that it will be really soon by the looks of it. They should keep in mind that they are going to have an open house and we will be there...giddie up!
So upon our return Ken, a fearless or stupid man steps up and says, "Sorry about people on your lawn and stuff". Hubby is almost in the house and I am face to face with him. I want to say, "Oh having a sale to save for your half of the fence bumdart"? I could start a fight and get this all off my chest. I could get the satisfaction of kicking both barbie's and his ass. I could rip him a new one show him what a women who doesn't need to share brain cells looks like. Or I could distract them all with the large amount of shiny items and make them dance for me. However, instead I decide that it would be the better to be the bigger person and I simply say, " uh yeah, whatever" and continue into my house as I slam my front door.
Idiots! I really hope that they move soon and that we get someone decent moving in. I hope that the first thing the new people do is resod the lawn and remove that God Awful situation.

OPEN HOUSE - Here are some of my ideas

Leave during the open house, but open all the windows and pump mega death while we are gone.
Put my Christmas lights back up (at the sale Barbie had a 6' decorated xmas tree...sweet)
Cover my front lawn in dog shit
Put bullet hole decals on my front window and garage door
decorate the utility box that we share...Maybe butterflies and twinkle lights
Post a sign on the top of my fence stating "pay for you half of this fence before I light it on fire and we can share the backyard".
Flaunt my plus size body in a petite two piece
Hang numerous religious items around my front door
Park my car on the lawn (see not a freak for the lawn)
Let the visitors know that I am a representative for a pyramid scam and would be interested in talking about it to them
Post a beware of dogs sign on our door and fill our back yard with friends dogs and claim them as ours (5 or 6)
Do them same with children and have a sticker on my car saying "Say no to birth control"
Soak wood chips in a curry, fish and onion marinade for a day or two and then smoke it on the BBQ during the open house

Of course you know this plan could back fire as we could attract Linda's neighbours from hell. You know the kind that enjoy mega death until the wee hours of the morn. Were planning to park a pickup on the front lawn and cannot afford a dog or children, but have a half dozen of each.

Oh God grant me stable and normal neighbours!

QUIZ

2005-06-20T08:49:00.000-05:00

I feel pressure by the cool kids...they're all doing it, so here it is again.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a Crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6.Give me a nickname and explaine why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8.What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds me of you?11.If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. when was the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. are you going to put this in your Blog and see what I say about you?

Two other questions I wanted to know...It's for research.
1. Were you breast fed?
2. Do you like vanilla?

Happy monday!

Update on life events

2005-06-17T08:02:00.000-05:00

Hi all I thought that I don't want to write a single blog on one topic today so I am going to just provide some updates to recent life.

If everyone can all settle down we'll get started.

Fertility. What a shitty word. For those who have read my hubby's blog he went into detail of the events that took place during our visit to the baby making factory. I will spare you a repeated story but will share my perception of the matter. She had our results from all the testing we have done and on a whole we are healthy people...Surprisingly. She said that everything for me was fine except that my results from tests during ovulation were poor. In fact almost non existent. I was truly shocked and hubby was like bouncing in his chair like a giggling school girl who needs to pee...Dick! I was confused as previous doctors had already done that test many times and things came back normal, plus I have what I refer to as super slip (TMI increased cervical mucus). Yep, it my super power! Plus I get pains at ovulation time. Now I know that it is possible to not ovulate one month and ovulate another and clearly numbers don't lie and this would be the reasoning behind my one line on my piss stick, but it was her response that pissed me off.

Doc: "Katherine (oh that's a good start), I seriously doubt that you are having super slip. In fact it is pretty much impossible".

Me: "Well I have a pantie full that begs to differ". I said good day sir!

Anyway, she is going to start us (me) on some treatment. I am pretty sure I am going to loose my job due to the amount of time away from the office but, I suppose this is what you do for babies. Now that part the disturbs me the most is the progesterone. Even though my test came back normal for progesterone, she says that it is a very unstable hormone and can dip or spike at anytime creating a hostile uterus and causing babies not to stick. She feels that my last pregnancy probably ended due to this issue. So she would like to monitor me and give me progesterone starting now until after week 12 of pregnancy. Sure not a problem I appreciate that.

Her nurse later informs me that the progesterone are in supository form that she recommends I take rectally and that I will need to 3 boxes. Pardon Me! I think I just went white at that point and the next thing I know I am leaving the office with a prescription for bum darts. I ask you, what the hell does my ass have to do with getting preggers? I am not shoving pellets up my arse like some modified pez dispenser. Jesus, there has got to be a better way. I am way to gassy for that and 2 a day...Shit, I've got a carpool commute to work. I am use to dealing with a turtle head, but not a turtle head and a bum pellet. I started thinking about what she said, "progesterone creates a nicer uterus for baby". I doubt I will be growing a baby in my ass! So I have clarified this with my peeps that are also going through this and they too where coached to stuff pills into their anal cavity, but after outright refusing they were able to do it vaginally. Which really is only slightly better, but better. So if I seem extra crusty I am dealing with an infestation of baby pellets.

And my hubby who thinks this is really funny I quote "BAHHHHHH ... I love it"! end quote. You're a sick bitch and if one of these pellets happens to slip out, and I hope it does...I'd watch your precious ass while you sleep. He is such an assmunch!

2. Fat lady store - done! My last shift was last Saturday and I must say that I am enjoying the freedom. I can actually feel some of the stress subsiding, ahhhhh in with the good and out with the bad.

3. I have not been on a good piss up for some time now. Any of you that are interested in a backyard drinks and laughs session please let me know. I bought some wine and some wine and some wine and some gin! I figure if gin (aka liquid pantie remover) works for getting client preggers that I should be trying it too. Please raise your glasses in a toast to kick'n it old school and being reckless!

4. I made reference to my lack of sleep a few posts ago. Shortly after publishing that post my sweet mom (also a tragic sleeper) called me to talk. She mentioned that my niece who I affectionately refer to as "love nugget" or "midget", has been having trouble sleeping. It would seem that my 2.5 year old niece has been waking up in the night crying and clearly terrified. The other night she started during the wee hours of the morn. A parental guardian came to her assistance and asked, " nugget, what are you crying about, why do you keep waking up this way"?

Nugget: I so scared. I close my eyes and they here. I cry.

PG: What happens when you close your eyes, what are you seeing?

Nugget: (terrified and upset) OHHHHH, I so scared. I close my eyes and, and (really crying) somes muffins and donuts. Child completely breaks down into sobbing.

PG: That is a dream, you are (trying not to laugh) dreaming about muffins and donuts. They are not really here...it seems real but the are pretend. Everyone has nightmares. You will be okay, we are right here...Everything is okay.

Nugget: More clam now and shaking her head in agreement say, "Yesh, I has nightmares". And returns back to a slumber.

Seriously, what is so terrible about muffins and donuts, other than the gross amount of calories. I know that Tim's has got to have the worst service at times, (like this morning) but the product is good. From a professionals prospective I would recommend limited visits to Tims and maybe some conditioning therapy in regards to bake goods!

She is so damn cute, I love her to bits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish everyone a great weekend and would like to take the time to thank all of those who have provided supportive comments and hugs. I love you guys, you are wonderful.