Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Should have married a woman!

Hello All and Happy New Year!

I actually have a little free time and thought I would drop a post for you.

For those of you who have been reading my hubby's posts (my apologizes) you know that we are quickly approaching the arrival of our love nugget. Things have been going along pretty smoothly and I am so in love with this little one, can't think of anything I would change except for maybe a signed contract from my hubby. I should have gotten him to sign off on our understanding of each others roles during this blissful time.

Here is my understanding and I am sure that he will have something to add.

As the carrier and sole life line for our babe, my role/duties are as follows:
  • Eat healthy, get plenty of rest and protect myself and nugget from any harm
  • Visit an OB regularly and follow any instructions she may give me no matter how badly I do not want to participate
  • Choose and plan for necessary items such as a baby registry, nursery colour and layout, bedding, baby gear, hospital bag and anything else that my hubby would just sniff off as "who gives a crap"
  • Continue to read up on fetal development, changes in myself in preparation for anything out of the ordinary and what to expect for the arrival. Contrary to popular belief...There is no stork
  • I am to continue with the cleaning of our home (when I have the engery), paying bills, grocery shopping and other household activities. God bless my hubby for his continued support with cooking, laundry, garbages and animal poop collection.
  • Start and complete the "nesting" routine. I have recently gotten the strong desire to start reorganizing and getting rid of crap I don't need. Old clothing, clutter from the closets, cupboards, the office, nursery, basement, garage, kitchen and anything else I can get my hands on
  • Last and most importantly...Enjoy my pregnancy, rest and relax while I still can

Daddy's Role

  • Attend appointments with mom if he can
  • put up with mom's mood swings including the crying and/or frustration
  • Tell mom she looks great no matter what she looks like and tell her how much you love her as often as needed
  • Assist mom with home chores and do all the heavy lifting
  • Speaking of heavy lifting...Help mom off the couch and from a sitting position if needed without making groaning or dead God comments
  • Rub mom's back, feet and legs when she needs it ... She is no longer in control of her body baby is and it's going to ache
  • Lastly make mom happy at all times...This includes going out to get her an item that she is craving. I WANT A GOD DAMN DONUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My baby daddy (ha-ha) has been outstanding in almost categories, but lacking in the seriously in the last two. One night I had a Charlie horse in my leg so bad that I had to ask him to rub it. He simply turned to me as he lay in our married bed and stated that he was not going to touch me as he does not want to set life long standard. My hubby is afraid that he will become my uncle who is forced to rub my aunt's feet nightly. He feels that my uncle must have started this during her pregnancy 20 years ago and set this standard. In the mind of my hubby, my uncle will die with his wife's feet in hand. What a load of crap!!!!!!! So I spent the night thrashing in pain while some dick slept peacefully.

Second area of improvement became an issue ony as of last night. We were watching TV and I turned to him and said, "I want a donut". He commented that's nice. That's nice, did he not hear me? I thought that maybe stating my desires was a tad harsh and maybe better excepted if I phrase it in a question.

me: "Babe, I am craving a donut, could you please go get me one".

DH: Yeah no!

me: But that's your job as the daddy.

DH: Your car is at the end of the driveway and your legs work, so get your own donut.

me: but I am in my pj's.

Dh: Yeah, well I am in my jogging pants (ps. he doesn't jog) You're in a car at the drive through, nobody will see you. You want a donut go get it.

Me: Pout on the couch

Now I know this seems stupid, but I have yet to send him out during this pregnancy on some wild food fine at 3 in the morning. I have not had cravings for anything other than fruit, which is in my fridge. I think he has been lucky that I am not the crazy pregnant lady who has ripped him from a sleep at 130 in the am to get up and find me a fresh hot cheeseburger with onions and pickles in Burlington during a snow storm. No that was my dad's life with three pregnancies almost 3 times a week. All I am asking for is one damn donut at 8pm from Tim Hortons. Really not a hard task.

Needless to say no donut. As I pouted I thought, if I were married to a woman I would already have a donut by now and she would have brought me a tea, just because.

As we were falling asleep last night, our dog who is ready to hatch 6+ pups was acting strange. She was really sucky with me and would not eat her cookie. When I asked her, "D, you don't want your cookie"? I hear this little voice from out of the dark, trying not to kill himself laughing say, "maybe she wants a donut"!

For breakfast I had two honey donuts...kiss it baby daddy!


Colleen said...

Welcome back. Glad to hear you're doing well!!!

Anonymous said...

LOVE the idea of a contract. It's genius to outline a baby daddy's role because they clearly don't have a clue.

I definitely plan to implement that with all of your points before I ever let Andrew knock me up.

I'd also like to add that I plan to try to implement this same contract even if we adopt a little nugget from China.

Wish me luck!
J No