Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Attention Aimee

I thought that I would update you on a few of my life events to keep you in the loop and show you that I care.

First off I love that you are one of my secret fans, I always thought that you never really liked me. I am glad I was wrong. Mama tells me that you are excited about my babes...I am available anytime for a belly rub.
I tried to get your mom to sneak Honey in her handbag to pool last night, but it was a disappointing no go. Here is a thought for her birthday...a grandma tote.

Yesterday a had a strange encounter in the ladies washroom. I was the only one in there and chose to use the last stall. As I am about to flush a woman comes in and goes into the stall next to me but doesn't lock the door, odd. I continue to pull up my pants and as I flush and open the door I find her standing outside my stall. She pushes by me and locks the door. Literately the toilet water was still yellow and flushing...What the hell! Clearly this woman is a turd burglar. Technically a turd burglar is a person who knocks on your stall door while you are on the toilet, but it will do for this situation just fine. Correct me if I am wrong, but there are 3 other stalls not in use. Why mine, why the pushing...freaks!

I really hate public washrooms and hate how this place is so cheap as to not give us our own restroom. It's dirty, run down and people steal toilet paper and soap. I 've been in my hubbies work washrooms, I know the truth about corporate facilities...not for profit washrooms suck.

My washrooms:
  • Grease leaking from the hydraulic, down the back of the entry door
  • Smell of sewage
  • Old school vinyl tiles which I am sure are asbestos and are covered in grime
  • Four office grey metal stalls which have grime and black finger prints all over them
  • Toilets are definitely a hovercraft situation
  • Industrial toilet paper roll dispenser in hopes of deterring TP thieves
  • Half ply see through, spit through toilet paper that you must use with caution. The slightly bit of moisture cause it to disintegrate, sending your finger right thought it and causing serious damage
  • The wall tiles are rose and green and filthy
  • We have three sinks, 2 in which do not drain and almost all have hair in them
  • 2 Soap dispensers filled with mysterious blue slime, usually both empty
  • The walls are rose and the door, radiator are forest green...Special
  • finally the ceiling is a drop ceiling with the square inserts. They are badly water stained and for almost a year now we have been missing at least one if not two, due to a water leak which may or may not have been fixed

My hubbies facilities

  • Greeted by a cleaner as she is leaving the restroom
  • Large floor pots with silk flowers
  • Smell of soaps and cleaning products
  • 2 floor to ceiling private washroom stalls
  • Marble like if not Marble tiling on the floor and I believe the wall. If not, the wall was nicely painted or papered
  • 3 more regular stalls ...Clean and suitable for human use
  • Sinks with up to date fixtures, no hair balls and nice counter tops
  • Lighting that you would find in your home or a hotel
  • More plants, some hand cream and real soap from the dispenser
  • They even have hand sanitizer pumps

Clearly something is wrong here. I try to hold it until late afternoon when I know it will be my only time in there.

So there you have it...a little something to keep you going.

Enjoy your week off next week.

mama out!


Aimee said...

Thank you for your post Kate.
Very hilarious!

A grandma tote, ah hahahahahaha

anyways, I'm not a secret...I just don't often like to wait for my damn slow computer to post a comment that I'm not even sure if people read.
I guess I'm not the only blogger that get extatic when people comment cause it shows they actually read the crap you write. :)

Keep em comin' cause god knows I wont get a single post for the entire first year following th day you pop that baby outta ya!

And PS, I never hated you.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, so true about our washrooms here at work.

A word of warning though. You said you're holding it until late afternoon and I can't say enough about not doing that. You think those stalls are bad in the morning and early afternoon?

I went in there near the end of the day yesterday and every stall had something in it that made me throw up a bit in my mouth. Thankfully the last one was somewhat fit for human use but I had nightmares about the other three last night.

Fellow worker and 'crappy non-profit washroom' user