Thursday, May 19, 2005

Death by Employment

Those who know me know that I picked up a part time job at the end of February 2005. The purpose was to earn a little extra cash in order to off set the cost of upcoming fertility treatments.
So instead of continuously worrying about how we were going to afford this, I decided to land myself a second income. Ha-ha I can hardly get the words out...Second income, the guy sleeping outside the ACC on a Friday night makes more than I do in a month. I know, I have witnessed my brother give the guy 20 bucks. I earn 26.25 an evening and when I say earn I mean earn.

I am working at a fat woman's clothing store and it's a dream come true. I am allowed to refer to this store as "fat women" as I am pleasantly plump... Ok fat!
My evening starts off with me quickly pit stopping into my home at 5:30 (need to be at job #2 at 6) to change my clothing, do my hair and put on make up. That's right I am doing all this after my day job, where hair, make-up and dress are not required, although I am sure they appreciate the effort I make to come each day with pants on.
Anyway, this retail job requires me to have a business professional attire...For 7.50 an hour.
Moving along.

I arrive at work where I am given a small run down of new arrivals, changes to the store, store targets, personal sales targets and my duties for the night (vacuuming, cleaning toilets, garbage and windex...I have no time for this at home but I digress). I usually zone out during this run down as lets be honest my productivity peeked at 11 that morning. Once the pep talk is completed I am to hit the floor running.

The first fat lady has entered...Seek and destroy bank account...Mission sequence launched!!!

Customer: walks into store totally unaware of the sales associate stalking her

Me sales ass: In my creepiest sales friendly voice, "Hi there, How are you today? (don't wait for an answer) We are currently having our ( insert promo of the week here) sale. Though out the store you will find yellow/red/God know what colour, tags indicating our sale items.

Customer: Panic stricken and moving away hopeless trying the, "I am just looking thank you technique".

Me sales Ass: I am immune to her petty techniques and in my Ninja like ways (I have successfully completed the sales ass training component) pop up in front of her, stopping her in her tracks and continue on with my mission. Do you have our club card!

Customer: visibly taken off guard with my intervention answers yes, yes I have your card. Ah ha... The I will tell you anything to get you away from me technique. Good one grasshopper, but there's a reason why I am the Ninja!

Me sales Ass: Do you have the card with you? Is it in your purse? I must see it, must see card.

Customer: Yes, yes I have it right here. Here is the card. Her eyes are now darting in every direction looking for the nearest exit.

Me sales Ass: So what brought you into our store today? (disregard anything she says other than sometime that translates into $$$$) What size are you both top and bottoms? Come let us shop!

I must continue to follow her around in a stalking like manner and fool her into thinking she is shopping with her best friend. The whole time we are both being stalked by a supervisor who is making sure that I am "engaging the customer" properly. I am about 2 questions and 1 harmless tap on the shoulder away from being arrested. Anyone who knows me knows that this whole situation is the furthest from my comfort zone.

I worked last night with a co-worker who was a little more my style and I was not required to be such an ass.

Now since I started we have had 2 people fired and another quit as she was moving out of town. I have become very aware that my boss does not seems to like the interviewing process and has made little attempts to replace these people over the last few months. I and the rest of the workers have had to pick up the slack which includes but not limited to every f**k'n weekend. I have had a few weekends where I got a Saturday or Sunday off, but it snowed or rained like a bitch.

Last night I looked at my schedule and discovered that not only am I working Friday night, but now Saturday (shift of the last girl fired) and Sunday...all day...all weekend for $ 7.50. AHHHHHHHH I have just been bend over and given a " you're my bitch sale ass", ass raping.
I almost cried right there on the spot. So my co-worker says,"well if you're upset now, you'll really like this...Pat's last day is next Friday". NOOOOOOOOOOO not Pat, take anyone but Pat. Pat has been the only person there that has made this whole painful, never get this part of my life back experience more bearable.

Son of a mother! So now Pat is leaving and I will be forced to shove fat ladies into a change room for 3 nights/week plus very weekend....Kiss that summer good bye.

I think I need to throw in the towel except for this sick work ethic that I cannot seem to shake. I can hardly get up in the mornings. Waist down feels like someone else's body parts. It's like lower body transplant from an 90 year old. Everything cracks and creeks and if you thought I was a miserable and moody bitch before...Watch out, I am a sales Ass! I really feel that this job is going to kill me. Death by employment, really not the most romantic way to go.

P.s
I had managed to save up three hundred dollars. We went to the clinic at the end of April and she informed us that there was a registration fee of a non refundable $250, super so all that work and I have $50 for fertility...Now that is worth it no?

Signing off Sales Ass

3 comments:

Colleen said...

What the hell fertility clinic are you guys going to??? I never had ANY of these costs when I went through my procedures!!! We should really compare notes!!!

Mark said...

Quit your job... before i do it for you.... I love how you meet the needs of everybody that walks into the store... What about me!!! What about my needs...

I need some lov'n. you know that offer you made me " Marrage is consent" Watch yourself.. and if you wake up with a cock in your mouth... you are the one to blame.. .not me.

Beware: Social Worker on the edge said...

Oh yeah...that's what I married.

Colleen, this clinic is an ass raping and on top of all of it...we still won't be having any procedures until July, but more likely August.
I need more "tests" of course I do.