Thursday, October 18, 2007

Turd Burglar

The definition of a turd burglar is; A person who knocks on your stall door while you are in the act of defecating.

My baby girl is the ultimate turd burglar. I have reached the point of motherhood where privacy is non existent. Whereever I go she follows and with questions.

I am about to leave for work the other morning when I was hit we the "feeling". I sat baby girl on the coach with her warm bottle (trying to break her of the bottle is another story) and her Molly. I tell her:

Me: You sit here, mama needs to go pee pee
BG: squirming to get off the couch... I-is (her interpretation of her name) pee pee
Me: No No, Baby, you sit here and I will be back...inner dialogue, can I just have a poop without the commentary and big brown eyes staring at me.
BG: off the couch and running to the bathroom.

I get to the bathroom, start my pee and she stop, swings around with the biggest eyes and a perfectly O shaped mouth and says, OHhhhhhh mama PEE PEE...good girl mama". I thanked her for the recognition of my efforts and try to carry on with a bit of dignity. She then starts to slide herself between myself and the wall toward the back of the toilet and is pushing me. "Up mama Up, bye pee". Oh lord. I say no and she loses her mind throwing herself on the floor between the wall and the toilet screaming, "Pee pee, bye pee pee." I pick her up and she runs out of the bathroom and shuts the door. Ah peace!

Bang bang, mama, help. *sigh* now she wants back in and cannot manage to open the door. I open the door and in the middle of me trying to reason with a 17 month old that mommy is not done and would like to try pooh pooh, she hears Mark's shower go on and bolts up the stairs and down the hall to the main stairs. For Christ sakes... I jump off the toilet and run after her with my pants half up. I grab her and take her back to the bathroom. Along the way she has picked up a Polly doll and another has joined my party. I shut the door, drop what is left of my pants and attempt to wrap this situation up. During which time Baby girl is now sliding Polly doll up and down my legs shouting blissfully WEEEEEEEE mama slide WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

And we are done. I have to face the fact that this is not going to happen for me today. I may never be able to poop again. I just needed 2.5 minutes of peace and it all would have been nothing more than an after thought, but nope the turd burglar strikes again. Forcing me to carry around my poop all day as I do not public poop, and hopefully things will work out later.

7 comments:

Linda said...

LOL...it never changes. Even when they get older! I still get the knock on the door from the 25, 24 and 17 year old occasionally, followed by "Mom?, you in there?" Now I can just tell them to go away or enter at your own risk, cause I ain't stopping the poop train for no-one!

MP said...

OMG! My husband has the same issues w/ his son who is 8. He always says the weekends at our house he can never poop. Luckily he doesn't care if I'm in there.

Krissteen said...

Yeah, I agree with linda. My 19 and 17 year old daughters have no concept of my being able to have "Mommy time" in the bathroom. *sigh*

What's worse? The freaking animals all want to be in there too, so I try to poop with 2 kittens, 1 puppy, 1 pom and teenagers pounding on the door because they just HAVE to get in thene whilst I poop.

Krissteen said...

oye, I almost forgot. Thanks for stopping by today and thanks for the kind thoughts.

RaeJane said...

heh..oh just wait.
It gets better and better.

You'll have to learn to public poop..all the moms are doing it.

slouching mom said...

Oh, no! I remember those days!

Hang in there -- it'll get better.

dom said...

Ha!, It's not just Mom's that get that treatment; I took my fiances 7yr old son to the restrooms in some store, while they clothes shopped. We went in adjoining stalls. After 30 seconds he was done and promptly knocked on my stall door. "I'm done! You done yet Dom? Dom? Hurry up Dom!" Another 2 minutes would have been just perfect, but it wasn't to be!