Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Construction and fertility don't mix

So I am at the point in my "treatment" where I am required to visit the fertility clinic every morning for 5 days for a gentle probing (internal ultrasound) to check my egg growth.
They gave me this drug which I took for several days and it has seriously messed me up. I like to refer to them as my crazy pills. Even though I have stopped taking them I am still getting the hot flashes, mood swings and my tolerance is much less than usual which wasn't much to start with. I think it is a combo of my body ridding the drugs and the stress of just everything I am trying to balance in my life. I am on the edge for sure LOL.

So I am nearing the clinic yesterday with 3 minutes to spare, make my right hand turn and the road is closed, Jesus H Christ. I make a U turn and go back up to the service road as the sign has stated. This is where I discover that the road can only be accessed south bound and I am of course traveling North. So I go up to the next set of lights and wait for 2 red lights before I can make my left hand turn as I am in rush hour traffic with a bunch of suburbanites . I pull another U turn and I am becoming increasingly irate. Now I am south bound and I make my turn to the service road and loop back around to the same place I made the first U turn, what the F'*k! Did I pass out for a few moments, was I abducted why the hell am I back here.
I am hopped up on crazy meds, lacking my coffee and quickly losing my patience, I decide now to attempt the closed road. I pull in and I am met by a middle aged black man who could be the spokes person for Malibu Rum. I roll down my window and he leans on my door and into my space.

Me: I need into that building (frantically pointing) the one not even 20 feet away, I am very...

Malibu: Shhh, Shhh, Shhh (making stroking motions with his hands) pretty lady don't get upset now

Me: seriously I don't have time for this, who the hell blocks the entrance to a fertility clinic, are you not able to do this shit at night. Time it's all about timing.

Malibu: Ah lady, you are pretty when your mad and you're pretty when you're not mad, either way I win, Ha Ha Ha. Now up ahead ya, the road is all messed up I cannot let you go through.

Me: Do not patronize me I am about to lose it, Get me into that building. ( I am now at the end of my rope, he is chuckling at me and telling me I am cute when I am shouting at him and I am having the worst hot flash yet. I can feel my cheeks on fire and I am sweating to death. I am about to hurt this guy.

Malibu: Okay, Okay pretty, clam down and I will tell you the way to get around here, but first you need to be clam and smile....let me see that pretty smile.

Me: STEP AWAY FROM THE CAR ASSHOLE.... I slam it in reverse hit and take out 3 highway cones and a curb and peel off down the dirt road. I am now just shy of a half hour late and pretty sure I am about to hurt someone badly...oh super I am now crying, suck it up bitch we have no time for that (I have developed 2 other personalities to keep in check).

I pull yet another U turn and once again I am traveling North bound knowing full on that I am going to have to sit at that damn intersection again, because I can only access the service road SOUTH BOUND AHHH.

I finally locate the road to the back of the clinic park my car quickly scan for damage, none and run into the clinic. I catch a glimspe at myself in the elevator mirrors and I have morphed into a giant red puff eyed, hyperventilating, coffee deprived, sweaty beast.

I get into the office and the nicest woman in the world says, "Oh sweetie...Construction while on fertility meds"? "You're not our first". Immediately all was well in the world, I chuckled and with in seconds I had an upswing and I am hap, hap, happy. I am a God damn freak.

I will take this time to apologize to anyone (especially my hubby and co-workers) I have encountered over the past 3 weeks that I may have scared, offended or upset....I am sorry. :o(

Good news I have three eggs that are growing nicely.
Better news I don't have to go back until Thursday.
Best news I know to get coffee first and know the exact route in to avoid Malibu.

Nutter out


Colleen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Colleen said...

I remember when I was on those drugs...I was begging Neil to open the bedroom window during the nights in February because I was drowning in my own sweat pool!!! It's all worth it in the end!!! Good luck with the egg harvest and the rest of the procedure!!! You guys are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

Anonymous said...

I can hear Malibu Man now! LOL! Glad to hear that things are going well....I mean really 3 eggs and you haven't killed anyone yet! Things are going well!
Love you Honey, hormone swings are fun, an excuse to be a biotch! Anytime you need to vent, call me!

Kim said...

LOL, oh honey, thank you so much for the laugh (at your expense) and especially for naming the guy "Malibu".

JC said...

Darling, this is a preview of the ever lovely menopause you have heard so much about. When women complain about hot flashes, believe me, they are real!