Thursday, May 17, 2007


I am going to come right out with it, I have been suffering all day with a serious case of TFS. Yep, Trapped Fart Syndrome!

I had a little rumbling this morning, but there were people in my office and wasn't able to excuse myself. So I sat there and held it. Of course it was uncomfortable, but I had no choice really. I am not completely sure of the logistic of a fart, but the rumbling subsided, although I could still feel the movement and building discomfort. I continued throughout my day and every time this fart tried to resurface I was in a meeting or with people and couldn't leave. The pressure turned into mad bloat and the discomfort, stabbing pain accompanied by the loudest most insane noises. Christ, I need to get into the bathroom and get rid of this before I pass out from pain and while I am down and unconscious rip a ripe one.

Cut to me in the washroom, I am alone, I am in pain and nothing... all rumbling and all urges halted. Of course, maybe if I grab a seat. So now I am in a stall having a little seat waiting for the big release.........waiting..........still waiting.........God Damn It!

Why is it that every time you get into a bathroom all systems fail...complete misfire. So now I have been in the washroom even too long for poop, so I must abandon this mission as I am on film. Yep one of our security cams are located right outside the bathroom and the front desk ladies like to watch it like it's a soap opera.

I open the door take four steps down the hall approaching a group of co-workers and WHAM it's back. Son of a mother. So I spent the rest of the day unsuccessfully trying to rid my body of this fart which by now has multiplied into what feels like a hundred trapped farts.

I practically ran to my car across the parking lot, got in and declared it to be officially the fart mobile. Unfortunately, not so much. I am fearful that they are trapped for good. I really just wish for a giant man fart, come on sweet relief.


Anonymous said...

All the more reason to let them rip when you feel them! If everyone did that it would be normal and they would hand out gas masks to everyone on their first day at a new job! Attractive to say the least, don't ya think!

Heather said...

Holy hell, woman! That might have been one of the funniest things I've read in a long time! I think most of the reason for that is that I can just picture the internal day-long struggle and hear the accompanying cursing! But chin up, hon..god knows we've all had days like that!