TFS

I am going to come right out with it, I have been suffering all day with a serious case of TFS. Yep, Trapped Fart Syndrome!

I had a little rumbling this morning, but there were people in my office and wasn't able to excuse myself. So I sat there and held it. Of course it was uncomfortable, but I had no choice really. I am not completely sure of the logistic of a fart, but the rumbling subsided, although I could still feel the movement and building discomfort. I continued throughout my day and every time this fart tried to resurface I was in a meeting or with people and couldn't leave. The pressure turned into mad bloat and the discomfort, stabbing pain accompanied by the loudest most insane noises. Christ, I need to get into the bathroom and get rid of this before I pass out from pain and while I am down and unconscious rip a ripe one.

Cut to me in the washroom, I am alone, I am in pain and nothing... all rumbling and all urges halted. Of course, maybe if I grab a seat. So now I am in a stall having a little seat waiting for the big release.........waiting..........still waiting.........God Damn It!

Why is it that every time you get into a bathroom all systems fail...complete misfire. So now I have been in the washroom even too long for poop, so I must abandon this mission as I am on film. Yep one of our security cams are located right outside the bathroom and the front desk ladies like to watch it like it's a soap opera.

I open the door take four steps down the hall approaching a group of co-workers and WHAM it's back. Son of a mother. So I spent the rest of the day unsuccessfully trying to rid my body of this fart which by now has multiplied into what feels like a hundred trapped farts.

I practically ran to my car across the parking lot, got in and declared it to be officially the fart mobile. Unfortunately, not so much. I am fearful that they are trapped for good. I really just wish for a giant man fart, come on sweet relief.