Thursday, February 21, 2008


It seems what is missing from my job description is as follows:

* Must be able to spend a minimum of 4 hours daily at poolside

* Must be willing to visit the hot tub on several occasions

* Must be creative with your drink orders adding new favourites to your profile daily

* Must be available for poolside massages

* Must laugh endlessly at stupid things

* Must be live the relaxed lifestyle of Florida retirees

The family and I recently returned from a fabulous trip to Orlando Florida this past weekend. We spent 10 gorgeous days or rest and relaxation. I will give a little run down of our a get a drink.

We left at 4:30 am Friday morning and drove to the border in record time, stopping only for our last Timmies. While at the border we were questioned by a less then pleasant agent...smiles are not free. I mean we have nothing to hide and all our documents where ready and legit, but sometimes you pull up and you can just feel the looming sense of doom. During the tense 7 minutes of who, what, where, when, and why; Iris leans over towards the woman and shouts out, "I yike Tim bit please". We almost literately pissed ourselves, of course agent lifeless did not crack a lip, but at least it cut the tension for us. We passed with no issues and set a course to Bob Evans for some breakfast. After a good breakfast we carried on and drove 8 more hours to South Carolina where we stopped over night for a rest.

When we arrived we were pleasantly greeted by a clean and spectacular room including a big screen television and 4 person Jacuzzi. I normally am a germ-a-phoebe and would not dare enter a "public" bath, but the room was so clean and I was so tired that I ventured and figured at worse case scenario that's what they have penicillin for. It was pure bliss!

We were all pretty beat and needed a place to eat. The whole way down we saw signs for Cracker Barrel and Shoney two chain restaurants. As it happens they were both right outside our hotel. The Cracker Barrel was packed and Iris would not hold on much longer so we went to Shoney...we chose poorly.

It was seafood night at Shoney's and really I could not identify anything that was there and the fact that nothing was labelled made dining a real mystery. They seated us in smoking, because really that is all they have. Basically the difference between the two is whether or not you chose to smoke at your table. We sat at our table and I looked around; it was filthy...germ-a-phoebes nightmare. My sister and I went up to the "buffet" where I witnessed in horror a woman chip through the crust that had formed on the 1000 island dressing like the sugar topping of a crème brule, and poured it onto her salad. I know I staggered back and I think my sister helped me not fall over. My face must have said it all. I continued to walk around the tiny buffet holding my plate tight against my body, looking at the bounty before me like I was next on fear factor. I ended up with unknown fish stick, fruit and plain salad and we left pretty soon after and headed over to Sonic for a burger. If I am going to get botulism I at least want it to taste good on the way down and be able to identify what gave it to me in the end. the end...ahhhh.

The next morning we hit the road for another 8 hour drive. We stopped at Dunkin Donuts as it is the closest coffee to Timmies as you will get in America and really I miss it now....God bless DD. So my sister, Iris and I waited in the car as Mark ran into get the coffees. He came out with this tray of steaming beverage that made my jaw drop. The size of the DD's extra large coffee was unreal. My God you have to pee half way through it. Remarkable!

Finally we arrived in Orlando just around the dinner hour. It was warm and you could smell that beautiful scent of flowers and summer eve air. I was immediately in love. Our condo was perfect 2 bedrooms 2 bath and the grounds were lovely. Over the course of the next week we played in the pool dined at wonderful restaurants and visited SeaWorld.

Our friends were also in Orlando by chance for 2 days while we were there and we decided to have a grown up night out....insert sister here. So we headed over to a place called Boston Lobster Feast to eat our body weight in seafood. We had some offence to our American friends but the beer is a waste of money really. We had some great laughs talking about Orlando parks and the various arguments we had. My husband and Doug ate 6 lobsters each plus many other tasty seafood items. They were pale and could hardly killers. I tried raw oysters for the first time and YUMMMMM....I am hooked.

One of the days we headed over to SeaWorld which was interesting with a 22 month old to say the least. Iris was tired from all the weeks’ activities and was a tad whiney. We started off great, but as the day progressed we all got a bit snappy. A lot of the problem is that you cannot take your stroller into the exhibits. Outside the exhibits is stroller parking, so you park, take the kid out, take your bags out and hoof it into the Penguin exhibit for example. Inside the kids are lose and running around and our dear Iris would like to have done the same, but I am not a complete moron and foresee that letting your kid run around in the dimly light exhibit is just asking for trouble. She was less than impressed with the in and out stroller activity. We did manage to see the turtles, feed the sting rays, watch the dolphin show, go through the shark tunnel, see the manatees, visit the penguins and grab the Shamu show.

The Shamu show was interesting. To start in had begun to rain and baby girl was an hour over her scheduled (her agenda, not ours) naptime. We are running over to the whale stadium for the Shamu show that starts in 5 minutes. Of course we get there and are required to park our stroller and empty out our lives before heading up the giant ramp into the stadium. There are park employees shouting out, no seats to the show...soak zone only! I of course don't care as we are leaving the park right after the show, and the car rides is 3.5 minutes. Mark on the other hand is having a full on freak out about getting wet. So we are shouting back and forth to each other I at the top and him at the bottom of this ramp.

me: We are here and we are doing it com'n

him: I don't want to get wet. Wait until the next show.

me: the next show is in two and a half hours, that's 3:30 seriously do you think screaming mimi can make it until 3:30...GODDD!

him: we'll just go home, forget Shamu

me: FORGET SHAMU....We have been telling her all week she is going to see Shamu. We are not doing Disney or anything else...We are seeing the fucking whale now. So put on you hap hap happy face and get a poncho (pussy)

So we sat in the very front row. So close that we could not see anything above, but the underwater view was amazing, such beautiful creatures. The whole time Mark and Sarah are panicking about the impending soak. We got it at the end twice, but it was fine and Mark surprisingly did not melt.

We were so sad to leave, but are inspired to save for our retirement.

Here are some pics, sorry to my facebook friends who have already seen these.

Poolside I was made for retirement.

It's hard being a pirate.

I love this picture...good times with Daddy.

Sweet belly, more Daddy time.

Little something to get ya going.

Iris's Valentines day breakfast.

Sister Sarah poolside.

Ahh so lush...damn winter.


Lounging poolside.

Doesn't everyone wear their biniki bottoms on their head. She must be baking!


Anonymous said...

Pictures are great...even better with comments! Glad you had such a nice time!

MP said...

woooo hoooo...yeah...awesome post!! Sounds like an awesome trip.
*One of these days I'll have to try your famous it THAT good?
*I would have SO jumped in that SC tub.. I want one of those at my house.
*Dinner at Shoney's sounds like it SUCKED..sorry about that. Being American I feel responsible. McDonalds would have been better I guess.
*8 hours from South Carolina to Orlando? Wow, I had no idea. It's a 2 day drive for us too.
*Did you stay in the park or just at a near by hotel? Did you know they have packages at Disney for something like $1500...and that's for a family of 4? We may do that next year.
*33 days til my Aruba trip..when you described getting out of the car I could actually smell the warm air..especially after I look outside at the ice/snow/sleet.
*Iris is so fricking know that don't you?

slouching mom said...

Mmm... I'm jealous. Sounds totally wonderful. Glad you all had a fantastic time.