Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Babies R Not

Making a baby sucks. Seriously I am just about to go back drinking, smoking, rock'n sex and random party favours. In the words of Tracy (whatsthatnow.blogspot.com), I am just going to kick it old school. I am tired of being the responsible adult. I spent my whole teenage existence trying not to get knocked up and now it's almost impossible.

It all started the morning when I pissed on my sixth ovulation predictor stick and nothing ( well okay the faintest of lines), but that equals nothing. I am suppose to be ovulating this week, and to determine that you pee on the stick (so hot). The 2nd line is suppose to be as dark or darker than the control line. I have to squint and turn the stick on an angle and reflect light off of it to see the faintest line ever. Now if this were a preggers test I would be excited, but I digress. So now that I have these damn things I am not going to ovulate...Super fantastic! I thought the pregnancy tests where disappointing with the one line bullshit, but now I am also sad from these stupid things.

I got a call from the fertility clinic this afternoon saying that they don't have the results of one of my tests and therefore may not be able to keep my appointment for tomorrow. That's right you don't have the results! Why, because the test is a 12 hour fast followed by blood work and then a glass of sugar syrup that I need to drink, which I am sure tastes like ass. I remain fasting and come back to the lab 2 hours later for another round of blood work. Who the hell has time for this shit? I live in the west and commute an hour to the east. I see clients throughout the day and then go to a job to most evenings and weekends.

I have done your 28 vials of blood work. I have done the piercing of my cervix while I balance in some yoga position on the end of a diving board and just before I think that I am going to freak out, my ovaries get a shot of dye blasted through them. I have had a complete stranger perform an ultrasound just for shits and giggles on a very full bladder and for an encore performed a transvag...sounds as good as it is. I have also just recently spent 70 bucks U.S. for a shit load of ovulation predictor kits to determine when I should do it, according to my doctors request. What more do you want from me. Even think about taking me off the appointment list for tomorrow and I'll break limbs.

Me: I have waited over a year and 4 doctors to get to this pathetic point I am not waiting another 2 months for this. I am becoming increasingly impatient as THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!Plus this appointment tomorrow has absolutely nothing to do with our fertility, it has to do with analyzing the results. Analyze this sister, if I don't get shot up with fertility drugs and some f'en sperm soon, heads are going to roll. I am keeping the damn appointment.

Nurse: kay, Mrs. D we'll see you at 3 then.

I guess I would be happy to play this game if I had nothing to compare it with, but I do.

I started trying Feb. 04 after a miscarriage and hubby and I have been to doctor to doctor.
A girl at work, we'll call her CM started fertility in August 04 and another friend of mine we'll call her TS, started in 05.
CM had a bunch of medical issues to sort out before treatment and is currently preggers with twins at 21 weeks.
TS has the same type of situation I do and she is on round 2 of fertility drugs and treatment. Her doctor gave her a shot for her to take home out of the drawer of his desk. Hello, I too am interested in black market drugs.
Mine...Still doing tests for the fun of it. She must get a hefty kick back for OHIP or something.
Please do not get me wrong I have not ill wishes for my two friends, they deserve babies more than anything...I am just a little pissy.
So, I patiently wait for my turn to come and truly think that this is more stressful and disappointing then ever. I just needed to bitch a little and I am stopping at the LCBO on the way home tonight. Then maybe I will go to the drug store to purchase a box of condoms that I will poke in with safty pins.
My summer student has suggested that I use the turkey baster for kicks!

Ahh, vote for Pedro!


Colleen said...

Trying to get pregnant is the stupidest thing. It's exactly like you said - you're forever cautious not to get pregnant when you're young and then when you want to have a baby, you can't!!! It's ridiculious. The last time I saw our fertility doctor she told me my only hope was invitro. So I stopped seeing her and 2 months later, it finally happened. And when I tell you I don't even remember having the sex that got me pregnant, I'm not exaggerating!!! Stop at the LCBO every night if you have to!!! Hang in there...and don't lose faith!!!

Beware: Social Worker on the edge said...

thanks Colleen you rock!

Anonymous said...

ahhh Honey, I'm so sorry you are feeling frustrated! Hugs! I love you and tell Big Guy to do the right thing! Make it all about the pleasure this weekend and not about the outcome! You deserve it! No Hummers, Big Guy! This is all about the pleasure for wifey!...

Trace said...

Okay, I don't do this often, but I really feel that you need it...

(the kind with touching)

Have faith and you'll be up the pole before you know it. And for goodness sake - enjoy the ride(s)!!