Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Dirty Scalpel

Yesterday MIL went into the hospital for surgery. The day piror I had gone over for a quick good luck and wish you well visit and discovered that this surgery was going to be a good 5 hours and that FIL would be waiting alone. Now my hubby would have gone and sat with him, but he is in BC on business. I thought about it the whole way home and decided to go to the hospital in the morning and surprise him. FIL is a great guy and I just felt that no one should be alone when they have a spouse in surgery so we made it a day.

This brings me to my blog.

I have been inside many hospitals all over and I think that they are all pretty compareable. There are a few like; Sick Kids and Mac that are bigger and better and that comes with perks, but overall I generally know what I am going to encounter when I go into a hospital.

  • an ass-raping over the cost of parking
  • no cell phone and no smoking signage
  • a gift shop
  • a big name coffee shop
  • a hospital cafeteria
  • and sick people in poorly painted rooms
MIL is at Hamilton General, a hospital that I am not familiar with. So I make my way into Hamilton yesterday morning at 8. Keep in mind that I know my way around Hamilton better than a tourist, but I have never been to this hospital. So I am approaching it the hospital and the directions says that it's on Barton so I turn left and super, it is indeed on Barton but the parking in on Victoria, the street I just turn off of. Thank God Barton is not one of those one way for 6 days streets so I was able to turn around at a Tim's and get myself to the parking garage.
$2 for the half hour $10 max, check off ass-raping.

I get my self into the hospital, down to information and the lady directs me to day surgery. I question her as MIL will be here for 5-7 days. She says, "Day surgery down the hall on the right, ask someone there". Okay, down the hall on the right, ah day surgery....

me: Hello I am looking for MIL.
Nurse: Dear I am sorry you are too late.
Me: WHAT... ( they just should never say those words all in a row)
Nurse: lol, oh no I mean she is in the O.R. Go to the 3rd floor and check with the volunteer and then wait in the O.R. waiting room.
So up to the third floor via the service elevator (no idea how I got on that) which drops me off in the bowels of the 3rd floor. I start my search for the O.R. waiting room or a volunteer. I find a sign posted on the wall:

Right...where the hell is Skippy the volunteer?
Okay logically I will take O.R., wrong I get to a door "no admitance staff only"...ok.
Lounge...that sounds like a waiting area, it is but no FIL. I am going to find someone. I come across a security guard...perfect she knows this place inside and out...I ask for the O.R. waiting room.
Security: oh sure just at the end of the hall last door on the left. Then she is gone.
Come to think of it there is no one in the halls. It's O.R. on a monday morning? I see clear evidence of activity from the dried DNA on the walls (gross), but not a soul.I reach the door ah finally...f**K it's a stairwell.
I decide that I am going to go into that no admittenace area and see if a nurse can help me. I find what looks like a glassed in nurses station. There are about 5 people in scrubs who look at me and quickly drop their heads careful not to make eye contact. Where is the O.R. waiting room, I mouth through the glass...nothing. Dammit where is this place? I go back out into the hallway and take the path to HIU where I find a door with HIU/O.R. waiting room. I open the door to find 7 or 8 seriouly shitty chairs in a dimmly lite room which is not ventalated, is empty and about 9x9. OMG I cannot wait here for 5+ hours. I decide to go back down to the lobby, maybe FIL is having a smoke or a coffee.

Here is where I discover that there is no big name coffee place and that everybody goes a block down the street to Tim's, which ironically enough I had already been there to make my u turn.
I am almost at the point of losing it when FIL rounds the corner and all is well.
We head back up stairs to show FIL the creepy little room that they call O.R. waiting room and once up there I have to pee...of course I do. FIL and I quickly decide that we would rather have bamboo shoots stuffed under our toenails than sit in that excuse of a room so I will have a quick pee and we will go sit in the main lobby which was way nicer.

I am waiting for the single use washroom for a few minutes when I hear, "There's a washroom down here". Well, well the imfamous Skippy everyones favourite volunteer....WHERE THE HELL HAS HE BEEN! Oh, there's a washroom down here, so bloodly helpful, jerk.

So I walk down to this washroom and struggle with an unnatually heavy door while I try to find the light... I'm in.
Son of a bitch....what the hell happened here. I am a very small washroom with my back against the door clutching my green handbag. I immediately notice a large hole in the wall that resembles a head or a head/shoulder combanation. My eyes dart to the grunge covered sink that is slightly dripping and faucets covered in visible dirty finger prints. The toilet is covered in piss both the seat and back tank and someone appears to be suffering from a raging case of spontaneous pubic hair loss. That's right and it's everywhere. I quickly rip a piece of paper towel from the roll and I am frantically try not to touch anything as I get the door open.
Sweet Jesus, I yell over at Skippy, "This washroom is not fit for human use". If MIL had of made a pit stop into that washroom before surgery, she sould have gathered her bags and left.

Most of use would not eat at a restaurant that had a washroom like that, let alone surgery.
It's a hospital for christ sakes...if the washroom is that flithy what the hell does the O.R. look like. I mean that is where they actually cut you open...two words rib separater, that can't be a spotless procedure. It is what I would refer to as dirty scalpel syndrome.

So mental note if in Hamilton avoid everthing but Mac.

On a happier note MIL is doing fine.


Aimee said...

Oh how I enjoyed this story. Your life seems so interesting. You should call me on your way to your next adventure, maybe I could come along?

Nice try eh?

I'm just a little bored....

Heather said...

Oh hon, I can actually envision the look of pure disgust on your face when you came up against that filthy excuse for a washroom! But seriously, how unhealthy is it to have a germ infested nasty room in a supposed sterile environment?! I knew there was a reason, beyond the crazy network of one way streets, that I stay away from Hamilton!

Anonymous said...

MIL is good and that's good to hear...I guess that makes FIL even better knowing that all is well and he gets a little break. How you doing without hubby? You keeping busy or just enjoying the break???
Call me if you wanna get out for a bit!

Kim said...

lol, who knew going to a hospital could be such an adventure? I particulary liked the description of spontaneous pubic hair loss. You just know it's only a matter of time before we see commercials pushing the new wonder drug for that condition following the viagra ad....