Friday, June 17, 2005

Update on life events

Hi all I thought that I don't want to write a single blog on one topic today so I am going to just provide some updates to recent life.

If everyone can all settle down we'll get started.

  1. Fertility. What a shitty word. For those who have read my hubby's blog he went into detail of the events that took place during our visit to the baby making factory. I will spare you a repeated story but will share my perception of the matter. She had our results from all the testing we have done and on a whole we are healthy people...Surprisingly. She said that everything for me was fine except that my results from tests during ovulation were poor. In fact almost non existent. I was truly shocked and hubby was like bouncing in his chair like a giggling school girl who needs to pee...Dick! I was confused as previous doctors had already done that test many times and things came back normal, plus I have what I refer to as super slip (TMI increased cervical mucus). Yep, it my super power! Plus I get pains at ovulation time. Now I know that it is possible to not ovulate one month and ovulate another and clearly numbers don't lie and this would be the reasoning behind my one line on my piss stick, but it was her response that pissed me off.

Doc: "Katherine (oh that's a good start), I seriously doubt that you are having super slip. In fact it is pretty much impossible".

Me: "Well I have a pantie full that begs to differ". I said good day sir!

Anyway, she is going to start us (me) on some treatment. I am pretty sure I am going to loose my job due to the amount of time away from the office but, I suppose this is what you do for babies. Now that part the disturbs me the most is the progesterone. Even though my test came back normal for progesterone, she says that it is a very unstable hormone and can dip or spike at anytime creating a hostile uterus and causing babies not to stick. She feels that my last pregnancy probably ended due to this issue. So she would like to monitor me and give me progesterone starting now until after week 12 of pregnancy. Sure not a problem I appreciate that.

Her nurse later informs me that the progesterone are in supository form that she recommends I take rectally and that I will need to 3 boxes. Pardon Me! I think I just went white at that point and the next thing I know I am leaving the office with a prescription for bum darts. I ask you, what the hell does my ass have to do with getting preggers? I am not shoving pellets up my arse like some modified pez dispenser. Jesus, there has got to be a better way. I am way to gassy for that and 2 a day...Shit, I've got a carpool commute to work. I am use to dealing with a turtle head, but not a turtle head and a bum pellet. I started thinking about what she said, "progesterone creates a nicer uterus for baby". I doubt I will be growing a baby in my ass! So I have clarified this with my peeps that are also going through this and they too where coached to stuff pills into their anal cavity, but after outright refusing they were able to do it vaginally. Which really is only slightly better, but better. So if I seem extra crusty I am dealing with an infestation of baby pellets.

And my hubby who thinks this is really funny I quote "BAHHHHHH ... I love it"! end quote. You're a sick bitch and if one of these pellets happens to slip out, and I hope it does...I'd watch your precious ass while you sleep. He is such an assmunch!

2. Fat lady store - done! My last shift was last Saturday and I must say that I am enjoying the freedom. I can actually feel some of the stress subsiding, ahhhhh in with the good and out with the bad.

3. I have not been on a good piss up for some time now. Any of you that are interested in a backyard drinks and laughs session please let me know. I bought some wine and some wine and some wine and some gin! I figure if gin (aka liquid pantie remover) works for getting client preggers that I should be trying it too. Please raise your glasses in a toast to kick'n it old school and being reckless!

4. I made reference to my lack of sleep a few posts ago. Shortly after publishing that post my sweet mom (also a tragic sleeper) called me to talk. She mentioned that my niece who I affectionately refer to as "love nugget" or "midget", has been having trouble sleeping. It would seem that my 2.5 year old niece has been waking up in the night crying and clearly terrified. The other night she started during the wee hours of the morn. A parental guardian came to her assistance and asked, " nugget, what are you crying about, why do you keep waking up this way"?

Nugget: I so scared. I close my eyes and they here. I cry.

PG: What happens when you close your eyes, what are you seeing?

Nugget: (terrified and upset) OHHHHH, I so scared. I close my eyes and, and (really crying) somes muffins and donuts. Child completely breaks down into sobbing.

PG: That is a dream, you are (trying not to laugh) dreaming about muffins and donuts. They are not really seems real but the are pretend. Everyone has nightmares. You will be okay, we are right here...Everything is okay.

Nugget: More clam now and shaking her head in agreement say, "Yesh, I has nightmares". And returns back to a slumber.

Seriously, what is so terrible about muffins and donuts, other than the gross amount of calories. I know that Tim's has got to have the worst service at times, (like this morning) but the product is good. From a professionals prospective I would recommend limited visits to Tims and maybe some conditioning therapy in regards to bake goods!

She is so damn cute, I love her to bits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish everyone a great weekend and would like to take the time to thank all of those who have provided supportive comments and hugs. I love you guys, you are wonderful.


Mark said...

AssMunch Here. You forgot to tell you readers the the Bum Darts have to be Refrigerated. Bahhhh... I love it...

And you too.

Aimee said...

I had a nightmare when I was little that mom ate a blueberry muffin and died. Then when I went to sleep in her bed (cause I was scared) she slept with her back to me and I was sure she was a skeleton. Baked goods can be scary...

And about the babies, I have no worries. You'll have a couple little ones running the streets in no time. If you can stand your hubby for a couple more rendevous... (I don't know how you do it!)

PS. I'll be applying at Timmies on Monday, and if I get hired, I promise to be a good employee

Naomi said...

Kate it will happen soon and if not you can have a few of my eggs then the Kids will still be Taylors....... Kinda

Love ya bunches hunny you make me laugh

P.S. if not preggers drive here and have a drunk fest with me. bring mark as a DD

Colleen said...

I'm always up for wine, and wine, and wine, and more wine...and since we live so close all we'd have to do is battle our way through the park and hope not to hang ourselves on the swings!!! Anytime - let me know...I'll get the corkscrew warmed up. Actually, I buy a screw off cap but you know what I mean!!!